Humans are designed to be close, intimate, cuddle and have sex with one another. Being touched is what most of us miss when we are in-between relationships.
While great sex is wonderful and often desired, it’s the cuddles and hugs we crave most. Our bodies know what is required to function properly and research suggests that affection belongs on that list closely behind food, water and rest.
Lack of intimacy, affection and touch can have detrimental effects on our body and mind.
We humans need touch; touch is vital for us all. Without human touch we can feel an increase in anxiety and depression disorders, experience sleep issues and suffer more health issues. Touch can make us feel better, it can alleviate the challenges of the day, release the endorphins in our brain, increase our immunity and create that feel good sensation we all need.
When we are single we often crave that intimate touch, the urge of someone to hold us gently, touch us affectionately, desire us physically and satisfy our sexual passions. Even the most independent of person needs the kind of closeness that physical intimacy brings. Longing for intimacy means being human. Touching is healing for us in many ways and cuddling calms the chaos in our busy lives.
A woman desires a man or partner, but she certainly doesn’t need one. A woman does need to be touched because she is human.
How do we cope with lack of intimacy when we are single?
Spend quality times with close friends and family
We all need connection and while family and friends can’t satisfy all our intimacy needs, they can certainly aid us obtaining the close connection of touch and intimacy of conversation that is equally important in our lives. Take the time to enjoy your family and friends rather than isolate yourself.
When single, use the opportunity to catch up with your friends and family that you may not have connected with for a while and do those things you love and enjoy with others.
For more support connecting with other people and building a support system see the “You’ve Got This” Single Mum eCourse – which covers this in detail.
Cuddles and hugs will help with lack of intimacy
When you spend time with family and friends give them a tender hug or cuddle. We all love these, young and old, men and women. If there was more cuddles and hugs in the world people would be far happier, stronger and certainly more resilient within themselves.
That body connection is invaluable for all of us. It is a good feeling for both because you can’t touch without being touched. This is one of the simplest ways to cope with lack of intimacy when you are between relationships.
Coping with lack of intimacy when you’re single (cont.)
Recognise you don’t need to wait for the perfect long term partner
If struggling to feel that intimate connection, rather than waiting for that perfect partner, practice. Practice with a person you like and respect. Practice with a person you are attracted to and who respects you.
This doesn’t mean get onto everyone you meet, goodness no! It means to consider enjoying a physical connection, without strings. We usually only have difficulty once emotions are escalated and we expect more. Yes, it is acceptable for women to want sex, just like a male.
Further reading: Friends with benefits: 6 Rules to make it work.
Never feel embarrassed about needing and wanting intimacy, it is normal
Never be embarrassed about wanting to feel the gentle touch of another. We live so isolated in so many ways these days, admitting you need to feel that human touch and connection is seen sometimes as weak. It is not, it is normal, everyone needs touch, to be held and be sexual.
To feel the body of a person next to us, feel the warmth of their breath, the softness of their touch, the power of their arms holding you. Know that seeking this connection is healthy and right, for all of us.