Being the super mum that you are, your sex drive is probably the last thing on your mind. For many single mums (yep, myself included), you may think that low libido is more than just a phase. You may feel like it’s here to stay. But the good news is it doesn’t have to be. Whether it’s because of stress or just sheer exhaustion, there are ways on how to increase libido and feel more connected to yourself (and maybe someone else, too).
Personally, I thought my sex drive had packed up and moved interstate after having kids. Between co-parenting dramas and the nightly chaos of homework and dinner, intimacy became something I used to have. But slowly, through small changes, I found my way back, and I want to help you do the same.
Let’s talk about real-life, doable ways to reignite your sexual desire and confidence.
What Is Low Libido, Really?
Low libido is more common than most of us think, especially in women and men who have busy lives. It refers to a persistent lack of interest in sexual activity, and it's completely normal to experience it at different life stages. For single mums, low libido may sneak in due to hormonal changes, stress, or even overall health issues.
Knowing the causes of low libido can help you feel less alone and more empowered. From menopause and oestrogen drops to sleep deprivation and mental load, there are plenty of things that can affect libido. Understanding the "why" is step one in finding your way back to sexual pleasure and a healthy sex life.
Common Causes of Low Libido
The causes of low libido can be physical, emotional, or physiological, or a mix of all three. Low testosterone, thyroid problems, and menopause are big culprits, especially when hormonal levels shift after pregnancy or as we age. Then there’s the mental load, the one mums carry 24/7.
Relationship difficulties, unresolved conflicts, depression and anxiety, and poor body image all play a role. And let's not forget the big one, fatigue; basically, overall women's health. If your libido has done a runner, it’s worth checking in on both your physical and emotional health.
How Hormones Affect Your Libido
Hormones are a critical part of your sexual function. When estrogen levels drop (like during menopause), you might experience vaginal dryness, pain during sex, or decreased libido. Testosterone (yes, women have it too) also influences arousal and desire for sex.
Physiological changes after childbirth, while breastfeeding, or even due to hypogonadism, can wreak havoc on libido levels. A health professional can check your hormone levels and help you figure out whether hormone therapy or natural alternatives are the right way to go in boosting your libido.
How to Increase Libido: The Role of Mental Health
Your brain is your biggest sex organ. No joke. If you’re feeling anxious, down, or overwhelmed (hello, single mum life), it can absolutely affect your libido (goodbye, orgasms). Mental health support can make a huge difference here.
Counsel from a therapist or even relationship counselling (if you're seeing someone new) can help unpack things like unresolved conflicts or emotional closeness. A low sex drive doesn’t mean there’s something "wrong" with you, it could just be your mind asking for a little TLC.
How to Increase Libido Through Lifestyle Changes
This is where things get practical. Simple lifestyle changes can boost your mood, energy, and yes, sex drive. Start with eating a healthy diet, cutting back on alcohol, and trying to exercise regularly (easier said than done, I know!).
Getting better sleep, drinking more water, and carving out “me-time” are little changes that have big payoffs. These things don’t just improve your overall health—they can help with change in libido and give you a stronger sense of self-image too.
Further reading: Why I’m not bothered about sex now I’m single.
FAQs: How to Increase Libido
Do Herbal Remedies Help Boost Libido?
Not into the idea of hormone therapy? No worries. There are herbal remedies that may help with low libido and sexual function. Maca root, ginseng, and Tribulus terrestris are some options that may support sexual desire and boost libido.
Just remember, herbal doesn’t always mean harmless. Talk to a health professional before starting anything new, especially if you're taking medications or managing existing conditions.
Does Sex Therapy Really Help?
Sex therapy is not as scary as it sounds, promise! It’s actually a great tool for unpacking deeper issues around intimacy, sexual response, and arousal. A good sex therapist can help you and your partner (if you have one) work through barriers like body image, sexual dysfunction, or relationship problems.
Even if you're single, this kind of therapy can still be a valuable space to rebuild your relationship with yourself and your own sexual experiences. Think of it as mental health support with a sexy twist.
How to Increase Libido Through Testosterone Therapy
When we hear "testosterone", we often think of blokes, but women need it too, for sexual desire, muscle tone, and energy. Low testosterone can seriously mess with your libido in women, and testosterone replacement therapy might be worth exploring if blood tests confirm a deficiency. But again, speak with a trusted health expert. Managing testosterone levels isn’t a DIY job, and not everyone is a good candidate for hormone-based treatments.
How Do Relationships Impact Your Sex Drive
Whether you’re dating again or navigating intimacy with a long-term partner, relationship difficulties can make or break your sex drive. Lack of emotional closeness, poor communication, or even boring bedroom routines can lower libido.
If you feel like your libido has vanished into thin air, ask yourself: is it the libido, or is it the relationship? That question alone can lead to more clarity.
How to Increase Libido With the Help of Food and Exercise
You are what you eat, and how you move matters too. Certain foods like dark chocolate, berries, and oily fish are thought to improve sexual health. Combine that with regular movement (think walking, dancing, or yoga), and you’re on the right track.
Improving blood flow, reducing stress, and lifting your mood and energy levels all help to improve sexual function. Bonus: you’ll feel more confident in your skin, which definitely doesn’t hurt in the intimacy department.
What are Treatment Options for Sexual Dysfunction?
From therapy to the treatment of erectile dysfunction for your male partner, it’s good to know what options are out there. Sexual dysfunction isn’t entirely physical, it can also be psychological or relational.
If you’ve tried the lifestyle tweaks and unconventional remedies and still feel stuck, don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help. There’s no shame in wanting to feel good, in every sense of the word.
Final Thoughts: How to Increase Libido
Low libido doesn’t define you. It doesn’t mean you’re broken or past your prime. It means your body, mind, and life might be asking for a bit of attention. Tweak your diet, get help with hormone levels, or take five minutes a day for yourself; you deserve to feel connected to your body again.
A year ago, I found myself googling “how to want sex again.” I felt disconnected from everything, especially myself. So I started small: I swapped my PJs for nice undies and made space for exercise. Slowly but surely, my desire for sex returned. And more importantly, so did I. So here’s your reminder: Your libido is yours. It’s not gone, it’s just waiting for you to come back.
