You thought finding someone you liked would be much easier than this!
It’s frustrating because you know how to achieve results in every other area of your life, yet those actions aren’t getting you results with dating and relationships. It makes you question if love is even possible the second time around.
You blame the dating apps, the lack of people you want to date, the lack of time as a busy single mum or that no-one wants to commit any more for ruining your dating life.
The truth is they aren’t the issue.
The real problem is all those stories you keep telling yourself. How it’s too hard for a single mum, that you’re too old, not pretty enough, too fat, too grumpy, too intimidating or too much to find love.
Well, they’re BS, and those stories are the REAL problem ruining your dating life.
These are all your own limiting beliefs that are getting in the way of your happiness.
The definition of limit is:
“A point or level beyond which something does not or may not extend or pass.”
Now everyone has beliefs – some are useful and some aren’t. Limiting beliefs are beliefs that work against you and something you can’t go beyond!
When it comes to dating and love your beliefs are based on your own life experiences and what you saw growing up. I am guessing you haven’t spent much time thinking about what they even are!
I want you to take a moment to do just that by asking yourself:
“What do I believe about dating, love and relationships?”
Write down absolutely everything that comes to mind. Here are some examples of what might come up are:
- Love is hard
- You only fall in love once
- Dating is tough
- All the good singles are taken
- I am not pretty enough
- No-one wants a single mum
- All men are cheaters
- Most relationships fail so what is the point
These beliefs will SERIOUSLY limit your dating life!
I want to give you a super quick lesson on how the brain works to explain why your beliefs matter so much. Your brain only allows you to see things that match your patterns, beliefs, values and ways of thinking and will filter out anything that doesn’t. The things that don’t match simply will not come to your attention.
To explain this easily I want to give you an example:
“After I purchased a Hyundai i20 I saw the car EVERYWHERE. Before buying the car, I can honestly say I hadn’t noticed Hyundai i20’s at all! What is interesting to note is that there weren’t suddenly more i20’s on the road. Nothing had changed; my brain just saw it as important so it was included in the info filtered to me, allowing me to see what had ALWAYS been there!”
With this in mind I want to give you a ‘dating’ example
Let’s look at what the brain will do with the belief that all the good singles are taken or that there aren’t any good singles out there. The brain will only allow you to notice great singles who are already in a relationship or bring singles into your life who are players, who treat you badly, who abandon you or who are unavailable.
You can see how this will easily ruin your dating life.
Your brain will simply allow you to see what matches your beliefs. This will make you feel justified in your belief and ultimately reinforce it. Essentially the belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. It doesn’t make your belief true, in fact people with the opposite belief that good singles are everywhere would be seeing quite a different picture, they would, literally, see good singles everywhere!
Do your beliefs empower you to be successful in your dating life or do they work against you?
In the words of Henry Ford:
“If you think you can, you will be right and if you think you can’t, you will also be right.”
As a Relationship Coach I take my clients through these questions so they can create new beliefs that will work for them instead of against them.
- What is it costing me to have these beliefs?
- What will happen to me if I continue to believe them?
- What would happen if I let them go or replaced them with new beliefs?
- What is the new belief that will work for me, achieving my goal of love in my life?
- How can I put this new belief into practice, what do I need to do next?
Take the time to work out what you are telling yourself about dating, love and relationships. The biggest challenge around dating is you.
It is time to choose your thoughts and beliefs as carefully as you chose what you wear as they can either ruin your dating life or make it sensational!
Change can only happen when you decide to take action and remember that you deserve this.