Tonight after my 9yr old daughter finished her shower and went to her room to get dressed, I sent my 11yr old son down the hall to have his shower. Often they end up wrestling or mucking about loudly. I went down the hall to my daughter’s room as I could here them mucking about loudly and I was going to tell my son to hurry up and get in the shower. When I arrived my son reacted at my arrival saying “what! she’s showing me on purpose, i don’t like it!”… basically my daughter was on her back on the bed and my son was standing at her feet as she was kicking (in a wrestle-like manner, they were both laughing and having fun, like normal fun rough-housing). So I said to hurry up and get in the shower and no playing together in the nuddy. My son went to have his shower, my daughter kept saying that she wasn’t playing and that she just wanted him to get out so she could get dressed – she got really upset! The thing is, I saw them both and she was definitely having a lot of fun! She was so upset (screaming at me to get out) I began to worry that something has happened to her at her Dad’s and maybe I made her feel ashamed??? I spoke to her when she was calmer and asked her does anything yucky happen when she’s not with me – she said yes, but really it all sounded more like mean stuff (getting left out, her brother being mean when he’s with his friends etc). When I tucked my son in I asked him why he reacted that way when I entered the room, he said because he thought I was going to say something about it… I said “well I wasn’t. so you already knew that you probably shouldn’t be playing like that” and he sorrowfully said yes. Then he said it’s just because she asked him to play a game where she gets pinned down and her top comes off. I’m so worried that something has happened, or been happening! When I was 8 I was abused by 2 brothers who were about 13 and 15yrs old (or 12 and 14 or something) several times. I remember not wanting them to do it but also not knowing how to stop it. I remember feeling so ashamed for allowing it to happen. I need the opinion of some people who can look at this from a different perspective than me. Obviously I’m worried, it’s hard for me to see clearly because this is so close to me. I need to know what someone who doesn’t know my daughter thinks. What do you think?
It’s hard as kids can be kids and they are intrigued by sex and private parts etc. Who can blame them? I would be more concerned about your son thinking that kind of play was ok on any level. As for your daughter, perhaps you can take her to talk to someone. Ours kids often won’t talk to us about stuff they think will upset us.
Definitely lay some ground rules around privacy and nudity. Try and have open discussion with them both, when things are calm.
Unfortunately it maybe either scenario. Keep in mind 1 in 3 girls will encounter some form of sexual abuse before they reach 12years. I to had x1 brother who would like to see me naked at 8 or 9. Which lead to ‘molesting.’ He was 2 years older going through puberty.
Yes I felt uncomfortable and it took numerous occasions until I said something and spoke to my Mum, for fear of upsetting her.