How do I end a FWB scenario with my ex who was (and obviously still is) coersive controlling? We are amicable (for the kids) but he is still manipulative etc. every so often (when my guard is down) he surprises me with a request and even if I say no he still holds power over me and gets what he wants because he is coersive [history – it was an abusive relationship in many ways, having complete control and power over me was one way). i don’t want to have sex with him anymore (I don’t even want him even remotely in my life tbh) – how to I put an end to it
Not saying this is OK but it sounds like you have allowed this behaviour from him in the past If things are different for you now you need to tell him. If he doesn’t listen limit how much you see him, if at all. You can even get another person to do changeovers for you or do them in a public place where he can’t come onto you. You will have to be strong and consistent with your message to him if that’s how you feel about it now.
Yes he is the father of my children. There have been no other men in the picture. I’m totally not interested. I haven’t explained it well, and I’m not sure if I can. It was an abusive relationship in the way of severe control, financial and sexual abuse, constant verbal abuse, put downs and criticism, threats, smashing the place up, manhandling… No means nothing to him. I guess it’s because during our relationship he held so much power, so now that I’m standing my ground about not going back (I am dead set determined to leave once and once only, I left 18mths ago) he has shifted his approach in his game of control and I have been caught on the back foot and even though I say no to him, he takes what he wants – no i don’t yell and scream etc to stop, but I do make it completely clear that I don’t want to do!