This topic contains 6 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by Anonymous 1 week ago.
- November 7, 2019 at 4:50 pm #20241
My ex has commenced mediation proceedings after 12 months separated and seeing his daughter 2 hours per month during this time.
He has been verbally and emotionally abusive and is very narcissistic. He has a gambling and drinking problem so the thought of him looking after and having any influence over our daughter worries me.
Can anyone give me an idea of what a mediator might encourage in terms of custody for him who has very little to do with our daughter? She is 2 years old and he is FIFO 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off. Additionally I work a roster also so I am hoping I am well within my rights to assign his days (which will vary) based on my roster which can be set 12 months in advance.
- November 7, 2019 at 6:40 pm #20243
You both sound like you care more about your interest than your daughter. You will absolutely not be “assigning” his days. Mediation isn’t about one other parent telling another one what to do – it is about coming up with a plan for raising your daughter in a situation where two parents are high conflict and hostile towards eachother like you and your ex appear to be. You both will need to make compromises for your daughter, especially if mediation failed and you go to court. It honestly doesn’t matter what your opinion of your ex is at mediation. If your ex wants shared custody he will likely get it but will need to change his wor schedule to something that is firstly in the best interests of your daughter and secondlly, is a compromise for your work schedules. You need to completely change your attitude and not make it about you and more about your daughter.
- November 7, 2019 at 7:13 pm #20244
Thanks for your response, I tried very hard to promote a healthy relationship and time with her Dad. As a result of his behaviour Towards her and me, I am concerned of the impact and wondered how it will work out time wise both being on varying rosters. I will take your advice in the delivery of my communication during mediation.
- November 7, 2019 at 8:24 pm #20245
The above poster is correct. I am a nurse and I have had to change my entire schedule around our parenting plan. If you can hun have a good chat to your boss about your changing circumstances. It really is a lot of compromising and it’s probably going to be a lot for both of you as you both have very rigid work schedules. In mediation make it look like you are willing to compromise and are putting your child’s interest first.
- November 7, 2019 at 11:18 pm #20252
The posts above are correct it is always going to be what is best for your daughter. Try to give him a chance since he is willing to be a parent to your child.
- November 8, 2019 at 4:27 am #20261
Hi mum, like the others said it is mainly about compromise. These posts might help:
Wishing you all the very best.
- November 10, 2019 at 7:51 pm #20344
Sounds like one weekend per month might be reasonable to trial for an agreed period..perhaps 6 or 12 months