Hi, My ex has commenced mediation proceedings after 12 months separated and seeing his daughter 2 hours per month during this time. He has been verbally and emotionally abusive and is very narcissistic. He has a gambling and drinking problem so the thought of him looking after and having any influence over our daughter worries me. Can anyone give me an idea of what a mediator might encourage in terms of custody for him who has very little to do with our daughter? She is 2 years old and he is FIFO 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off. Additionally I work a roster also so I am hoping I am well within my rights to assign his days (which will vary) based on my roster which can be set 12 months in advance.
You both sound like you care more about your interest than your daughter. You will absolutely not be “assigning” his days. Mediation isn’t about one other parent telling another one what to do – it is about coming up with a plan for raising your daughter in a situation where two parents are high conflict and hostile towards eachother like you and your ex appear to be. You both will need to make compromises for your daughter, especially if mediation failed and you go to court. It honestly doesn’t matter what your opinion of your ex is at mediation. If your ex wants shared custody he will likely get it but will need to change his wor schedule to something that is firstly in the best interests of your daughter and secondlly, is a compromise for your work schedules. You need to completely change your attitude and not make it about you and more about your daughter.
Thanks for your response, I tried very hard to promote a healthy relationship and time with her Dad. As a result of his behaviour Towards her and me, I am concerned of the impact and wondered how it will work out time wise both being on varying rosters. I will take your advice in the delivery of my communication during mediation.
The above poster is correct. I am a nurse and I have had to change my entire schedule around our parenting plan. If you can hun have a good chat to your boss about your changing circumstances. It really is a lot of compromising and it’s probably going to be a lot for both of you as you both have very rigid work schedules. In mediation make it look like you are willing to compromise and are putting your child’s interest first.