You never imagined you would be a single mum on the dating scene. It’s not what we ever think will happen when we have babies and start a family. But here you are.
It may not be your first rodeo, but it’s not easier at all! Why? Because this time, dating decisions don’t just affect you, but your kids as well.
This doesn’t mean you can’t put yourself back out there and start to be happy again (romantically). Dating when you have children is both daunting and exciting.
Another thing you might be worried about is the thought of getting intimate with someone new. I understand that it's very possibly terrifying. I’ve had more than a few women confess that they even wonder if everything is still working as it should!
I know you have a million questions on your mind. Questions such as, how do you know if you are ready to start dating again? When is the right time to get back out there? And what else should you consider when you are prepared to meet someone? Buckle up, Mama, because you’re about to find out!
How to know if you are ready to start dating again
The right time will be different for everyone
It’s easy to feel the pressure of everyone else telling you "Just put yourself out there again" or the judgement of "You should just be focusing on your kids right now." But when it comes to dating, only you can decide when the time is right.
We all crave love, intimacy, and affection, but we each express these needs in our unique ways. If you want to enjoy casual relationships to fulfil your physical needs before seeking a long-term partner, that's totally fine. If you'd rather wait for a serious relationship before getting involved, that's your choice too.
What you're open to can change over time, so be kind to yourself.
Love yourself before you start dating again
One of the most important relationships you'll ever have is the one with yourself. Know that you deserve your love just as much as anyone else does.
I don’t mean this in the fluffy self-love bumper sticker way. Self-love comes through our actions too. This is your time to put yourself first. Show yourself love in every way that you can. Be kind to yourself, spoil yourself, buy yourself flowers, call on your girlfriends and build support around you.
When we start by falling in love with who we are, we don’t ‘need’ someone else. We don’t need them to make us feel better about ourselves, we don’t need them to ‘complete’ us, we show up whole and knowing our worth. And that changes everything.
Remember, you’re still a catch!
You might be older and wiser than the last time you were dating, but you bring a lot to the table. Whoever ends up with you – and your kids – in their life is going to be one very lucky man or lady. Never doubt that being a single mum makes you great to date.
Learn from past relationships
Getting into a new relationship can feel scary. We worry that we’ll fall into the same patterns we did before, like falling for the wrong person again or not being able to let go of what we’re carrying from our previous relationships.
Think about what went well and what didn’t, and notice any patterns or behaviours that caused problems. Let go of grudges and focus on what you learned instead of the hurt. Use the lessons from the past to build a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
How to know when you are ready to date again after a breakup (cont.)
Great relationships begin with ourselves
Rather than look at who the right person is and how to avoid ‘that type’ that you know you always fall for, look inward. You can ask these questions to help you decide.
- What was it about you that attracted the wrong relationships in the past?
- How can you change how you show up in a relationship to make things better?
- Are you still holding onto anger or resentment, and what would it take to let go of it?
When we work on ourselves, we attract different relationships. It's important to remember this when considering if you are ready to start dating again.
Maintain your needs and boundaries
Take all the time that you need to start a new relationship. It's easy to get caught in a whirlwind romance. But it's important to take things at your own pace and do what you feel is right. When it comes to dating, it’s important to stay true to your values and what you’re looking for in a partner. Whether you're looking for a long-term relationship or just casual dating, let your new potential partner know. Take the time to get to know someone before diving into anything serious. A new love should complement your life, not complicate it.
Balancing Dating and Parenting
Balancing dating and parenting can be tricky for single mums. Before you jump into a new relationship, make sure your children feel secure and understand that your dating life won’t negatively affect your time with them. Introduce new partners only when you feel the relationship is serious and stable. This approach has helped me in maintaining a healthy balance between my personal life and my responsibilities to my kid. Whoever you're starting to date should understand your priorities and work with you.
Signs you're ready to start dating again
It is a good sign if you no longer dwell on your last relationship and feel emotionally stable. When thoughts of love bring excitement rather than anxiety, it could mean that you, my fellow mum, are ready to get back out there.
Dating after a breakup (especially a divorce) is never easy. For a long time, my life revolved around my kid and rebuilding our home. I didn't know whether I was prepared to go back into the dating game, but slowly, things began to change.
One day, I realised the thoughts of my ex no longer consumed me. Instead of bitterness, I felt a sense of closure and peace. My self-confidence started to return, and I enjoyed my own company. I found myself smiling more and daydreaming about a better relationship in the future.
The real turning point was when I caught myself looking forward to social events rather than dreading them. I even started noticing people around me in a different light. These little signs were subtle, but they all pointed to one truth – I was ready to start dating again.
Summary: Are you ready for your next relationship?
When I finally decided to try dating again, I did it with a lot of self-awareness. Juggling dates and parenting wasn’t easy, but with clear boundaries and good communication, I made it work.
I realised that being a single mum didn’t mean my love life had to be on hold forever. I just had to find the right balance and make sure my kid and I were ready for this new chapter.
Remember, the most important relationship you have is with yourself, so give space for personal growth. Take time to heal. Don’t rush into anything that doesn’t feel right and date at your own pace. Your experiences have made you stronger and wiser, so trust your instincts.
Whether you find love or simply enjoy the adventure of online dating, you deserve happiness and fulfilment. So be confident when you're feeling ready for that first date again. The right person will appreciate all that you are, including the incredible mum you’ve become.
