Why I’m not bothered about sex now I’m single

Don't want sex

I’m not going to say that sex is overrated, because it isn’t. Sex can be great and is a necessary and very pleasant part of human existence. What I will say is that if you’re not getting it, that is ok too.

Periods of sexual inactivity are a good opportunity to learn how to fulfil your own needs and satisfy yourself independently without carnal contact with another person. Not just sexually but holistically.

The sex history of my life is similar to that of many. The dial has moved between wild-red-hot-rides to lets-have-a-baby sex, and everything in between. But right now I’m not having sex and you know what? I’m embracing it.

Here are my reasons why I’m not bothered about sex now I’m single.

Why I’m not bothered about sex now I’m single


Did you know that the more you have sex, the more you want it?

An article from Healthline says:

“Thanks to your hormones,the more you have (good) sex, the more your body craves it. So if you recently started sleeping with someone (or a new sex toy!) that rocks your world, it’s natural to want sex more often.”

Spin this on its head and it means if you’re not having sex, you won’t want it as much.

When I first come out of a sexual relationship it takes a while for the cravings to lessen, but they do. Then slowly but surely, the desire dissipates and not having sex isn’t an issue. You might have noticed this too.

I have to say that not hankering for sex makes being single much easier.


If I do feel like sexual action, it’s right there waiting for me … tucked away at the top of my bedroom cupboard.

Bring on the sex toys!

Honestly, if you haven’t got yourself a battery-operated friend yet, now is the time. It will take care of your sexual needs quickly, efficiently and it doesn’t expect a single sexual favour in return.

I encourage you to give yourself as much sexy self-pleasure as you like when your sex life with another human is on hold. It helps to keep it all working down there so your libido is in tip-top condition when your next sexual relationship takes off again.

To find out more see: How to have the best sex life ever… with yourself.


Having not had sex for two years, yes you heard right, I can’t imagine sharing my comfy bed with another human. It is mine, all mine.

All that movement and snoring can be very disruptive.

When I weigh up sex or a good nights sleep, the latter wins … true!

It might not always be this way, but it is now, so I’m going with it.


I’m talking about sex here, not intimacy. I love intimacy and want lots of it.

You might feel the same and that is perfectly normal because intimacy is a human need. According to Psychology Today:

“Intimacy is crucial to normal human functioning and can help ward off depression, aggression, and calm anxiety.” 

Don’t confuse lack of intimacy with lack of sex.

Coping with a lack of intimacy when you are single can be hard. I get human touch and cuddles from my daughters, friends and family members. Oh and I might not fancy another human in my bed right now but there is always room for my cat.


It’s not just shaving, it’s body care in general.

Whilst it’s important to take care of yourself it’s equally important to have times when you just let it all go.

Whether it’s leg hair, bikini line, or any high-maintenance area of your body which you usually fuss over, take a break from worrying and go au natural.

You might decide to ditch the Brazilian long-term favouring your untamed body … I can assure you that there are lots of guys and girls who are attracted to that too.

It is ok not to want sex


Sex rarely comes as a stand-alone.

Having sex with someone creates a bond, whether a relationship, a casual fling or friends with benefits, another person is involved and that can mean drama.

Things like …

I like him more than he likes me. Or he likes me more than I like him. Issues over exclusivity. Whether he stays over or goes home. Past relationships. What do you both want from each other now and in the future? Who came first and why didn’t you go down on me?

From every day to the bigger picture, having a sexual relationship is so much more than the orgasms.

I may not get the sex but I don’t get the drama either. At this point in my life, I consider that a fair trade.


Just because you’re not having sex doesn’t mean you can’t be a sensual sex bomb if that’s the look you’re after.

Masturbate, smother yourself in self-care, wear super sexy undies, dress to impress, and know your worth

Being sexy but celibate is totally possible and a great look to rock.


It can take a lot of soul-searching to feel 100% complete without sexual activity in your life.

For a long time, I felt like I was lacking. As though having a partner and a sex life was an essential requirement of adulting which I had failed to achieve.

But it is not.

Sexual intercourse for pleasure is a choice. Having a partner is a choice. Being able to live a fulfilling life without both is a strength.


Let’s face it, anyone can get sex if they really want it.

We live in a digital world where a steamy night of sex with a stranger is just a few texts away if you tap into a hookup app.

Never think “no one wants to have sex with me” because that isn’t the case. There is someone for everyone in the passionate playfield of online dating but you don’t always have to be in the game. Sit on the sidelines, take a breather, and know that is perfectly ok.

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Sally Love

About the author

Sally Love is a pseudo single mum author who has been writing about single motherhood, separation and divorce for 8+ years. She has been a single mother for 10+ years and has two daughters, one of whom she co-parents and the other she solo parents. Sally has experienced all aspects of single motherhood from legal, financial, parenting, dating, travel as a single parent, re-partnering and re-building a career. She is an integral part of the Beanstalk community chatting and helping single mothers across the globe, as well as sharing her expertise, experiences and genuine reviews with major national newspapers and appearing on nation-wide television shows.

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