If you have ventured into the world of online dating you will know it can be ruthless. The rules are different to that of tradition dating. We parade our profiles in a public space where rejection is rife.
Oh yes, you need to have a very thick skin to date online.
The nature of dating apps means you are rejected unknowingly by people you have never met every single day. As I type this, guys are looking at my profile photo for a millisecond before dismissing me with a thoughtless left swipe. Hey, you never even got to know me!
In this article, I’m talking about the rejections that happen when you’ve started chatting to a potential partner, possibly even met them. How do we cope when we find out the person we thought was into us is actually chatting to five other people? And how do you handle being ghosted after date No.3 for no apparent reason when you honestly thought you’d found “the one”?
It happens! And it’s harsh.
Here are my tips for coping with rejection when dating online.
Coping with rejection when dating online
Get in the right headspace
How many of us have gone on a date still in the rejection mindset from a previous knock back? This does not help me get back into the dating game. Take some time for yourself – do something that brings you joy, have fun with friends and take care of your mental health.
When you are feeling rejected, it’s important to be kind to yourself. Remind yourself why you are awesome and what makes you special and unique. Believe that you are worthy, capable, and deserving of love – whatever the outcome. Keep in mind that rejection isn’t personal. We all have our own experiences, values, and beliefs that may not match.
When rejection hits, it feels like the rug has been pulled from underneath us. One day we were floating high on cloud nine and now rejection is looming over us like a giant storm cloud. You may feel out of control, but there are certain things that you have the power to do. Focus on what you can control – you can be proactive with your dating profile, initiate conversations, and make a plan to meet people.
Don’t take it personally
If you take it personally, you will internalise rejection and start to doubt yourself. One rejection is not indicative of who you are as a person or your worth. It’s important to remember rejection doesn’t define you, it just means this particular relationship won’t work out.
The best thing to do is to remind yourself that dating isn’t always going to be easy, and rejection is a part of the process. So, don’t take it personally and focus on your self-care plan. Who knows, rejection could be a blessing in disguise – it may open the door for you to find someone even better!
Rejection can be a learning experience – think about what you could have done differently or why things didn’t work out. Were there red flags you ignored? Was there anything you could have done differently? Reflect on the rejection, learn from it and then move forward.
Laugh about it
After all, rejection is funny in hindsight. Sure, it might not feel like it at the time, but rejection can be quite a comical situation – especially if you’ve been ghosted! Like I said earlier, rejection isn’t personal, and does not define who you are as a person or your worth.
According to Dr.Leslie Becker-Phelps, author of `Bouncing Back From Rejection:
“When we deal with rejection in unhealthy ways, it could turn into anxiety and depression. So instead, laugh about it, share it with friends (if you feel comfortable), and move forward.”
I am sure you’ll find someone who appreciates your unique qualities and will offer you the kind of relationship you are looking for. You never know what could happen next – rejection can lead to something much better, keep an open mindset, and don’t give up hope!
It’s not you, it’s them
I once read a quote that said rejection isn’t about you, it’s about the other person. That stayed with me and has been incredibly useful in keeping my ego and heart intact when I’m dating online. Remember that the rejection is out of your control and they could be rushing into something with someone else or just not feeling it. Ultimately, rejection is about them and not about you.
I remember when rejection bounced off me like water on a duck’s back. Now I know rejection is an opportunity for growth and learning, and it can lead to something much better if you stay open-minded.
So take rejection as a sign that this wasn’t the right person or relationship – there are plenty more opportunities out there! Be brave enough to keep going and don’t take rejection too personally. After all, rejection isn’t permanent and you never know what could happen next!
Try a different dating app
Change is good! Maybe the people swiping through your profile just weren’t a match for you. Try changing up your dating app to one with more diverse users and see what happens. I once met someone amazing on a different app after getting rejection after rejection on the one I was using.
It’s worth taking that risk, even if it feels like you’re starting from scratch. New users can have more luck with getting matches and conversations when they start fresh! And if rejection hits again, you can always come back to the original app. Just make sure you keep your expectations realistic and focus on the journey, not the destination.
Further reading: Most popular dating apps in Australia.
Take a break from online dating
I have taken breaks from online dating and it has done wonders for my self-esteem. I was able to evaluate what I want in a relationship, work on myself and re-centre my mental health. If the rejection is getting to you, maybe it’s time for a break from online dating. That doesn’t mean you need to quit dating – just take some time away and come back refreshed.
Take a break if rejection is starting to feel overwhelming – focus on yourself and do things that bring you joy. Then take the time to reflect, re-evaluate and come back to the dating scene feeling refreshed, positive, and ready to find your perfect match.
Final words: Coping with rejection when dating online
Dating rejection can be tough but it doesn’t have to define you or hold you back. Remember that rejection is part of the process and keep going until you find someone who appreciates all of the amazing qualities you have to offer.
At the end of the day, rejection is a part of life. Don’t let rejection define your worth or be afraid to put yourself out there again. Instead, use rejection as an opportunity to learn and grow – it’s a chance to find something even better. So keep your chin up, be kind to yourself, and never give up hope!