For many people, single motherhood can feel as if you are sinking in quicksand. It takes a lot of courage and perseverance to navigate the various struggles, especially if you have to play the role of daddy and mummy at the same time. But as they say, time heals all wounds, and the best you can do is to stay strong. Whether you went through a painful divorce or you lost your loved one to the fate of life, you have a million and one reasons to stay brave. It may not appear so, but you could be all your kid/s has. It is not the end of love; neither should it send your life in doom’s way.
Moreover, a significant amount of single mothers out there come out strong on the other end. It all depends on how you manage your emotions and take care of yourself. When living a single mum lifestyle, looking great, and feeling good about yourself is among the best weapons you have to persevere through your challenges. With this having been said, here are a few tips on how to look and feel good as a single mum.
1. Set Goals
Being a single mum can be overwhelming especially with the expectations the society has about being a woman who is raising kids on her own. Well, here is a wake-up call to all single mothers. You do not owe society anything! Let all your efforts revolve around you and your kids. Please go ahead and do what you feel like doing because it takes more than strength to raise kids on your no matter your financial state. However, you will still want to maintain focus and sanity. To do so, ensure you challenge yourself by setting goals like saving for that dream car, working on your weight, and eating right.
You could also set up a side hustle, say by monetising your hobby. If you love sewing, for instance, go ahead and start your own fashion brand. Whether you are making costumes, pet clothing, or outerwear, customised sewing labels can help your work to stand out as you seek to grow your brand. It doesn’t matter if you will make your first piece from the leaving room or basement, you can do it with the right mindset.
Gather your gear, know what you need, have a plan, and get started. Create your own labels using branding resources at Dutch Label Shop and grow your business. For what it’s worth, think about how amazing it will feel making your ex regret losing you as you achieve your goals!
2. Make Peace with Your Past
Being called a mother is evident that there is a father in the picture. But in this case, we are talking of a father who once existed but not anymore. Unhappy mums raise unhappy kids, and that is the worst life you can give your kids. It is best to try as much as possible to let go of your hurtful past. Stay positive and focus on raising your kids.
You have to accept that there was a no “and they lived happily ever after” in your relationship with your ex. Move on and focus on the piled up responsibilities ahead. Meditate, read books, pray, engage in productive activities, and talk about your challenges. If things get worse, seek counselling. Face your feelings. It is the only way to forgive and forget the death of what seemed like a Romeo and Juliet story.
3. Set Your Priorities Right
Being a mum is another job that does not pay you, or does it? You have to attend to the kids, cook, clean, and provide, among other duties expected from a mother. As a single mother, relax. You are not superman. Take a step at a time. If you can do it, do it. If you cannot do it, leave it. Stop stressing. You have so much to think about and attend to. Inhale peace, exhale stress.
You can list down all your plans and work them out one by one. If the load becomes too much, get someone to help you offload some of your workloads. Imagine how couples fight over unfinished family business, and on your end, you are alone. It can be exhausting, take a deep breath, and rethink your priorities. That will lower your stress levels, and you will look better about yourself.
4. Seek Assistance
Sometimes, it becomes hard for us to admit that we are not okay. It is the new norm, but we have to learn to talk to someone, cry, and accept that you are not okay. Especially after divorce, single mums are most vulnerable because they have too much on their plates without a backup system. Relax, it is okay not to be okay, and it is okay to ask for help.
Some of these quotes mislead our inner selves, and we end up becoming regulars at the psychiatrist’s office. Sometimes that costs the extra penny you have struggled to save. If you are not comfortable asking your family to stay with the kids as you take some time off the “mummy-mummy” screams and shouts, you can talk to a close friend who understands your pressure. Remember, staying sane is paramount!
5. Kick out the Guilt
It is human to look at your kids as a mother and regret quitting that bad relationship. Something tells you that you should have stayed for the sake of the kids. Reality will hit you from time-to-time but for whatever reasons, keep saying “I tried my best.”
When you focus on what’s right, you will not see the wrong. When you focus on what is there, you will not see what is lacking. Focus on loving, providing, and being there for your kids consistently. Sometimes whatever that may be triggering your guilt as mums are things you have no control over. Imagine forcing your baby daddy to be checking up on his daughter, only for you to get cold answers.
In summary, it is essential to learn how to do things on your own and live your life in the absence of the dad. Protect your mental health and drain your strengths fending for your kids. Work out, stay sharp, eat well, and feed your mind with positivity. Whatever comes your way, avoid the urge to indulge in unhealthy practices; they will only add insult to the injury. Finally, don’t be afraid to meet someone new and fall in love when the time is right.