It’s all very well finding a new partner and hoping it turns into a healthy, happy relationship.
Unfortunately, we know that doesn’t always happen. Too often we find ourselves in the midst of another breakup wondering what went wrong, and sometimes, what is wrong with us.
Well, it might be that you are attracting the wrong kind of guy … someone who isn’t looking for the same kind of long-term love that you’re after.
To help you on your path to finding Mr Perfect-For-You, here are some pointers on how to attract the right man for a committed relationship.
How to attract the right man for a committed relationship
Be your best self
Try dating yourself and see what kind of men you tend to attract. For sure, you’ll see plenty of amazing things about yourself that would attract a man who’s into a committed relationship. And you’ll probably see some things that are not so great, or could be improved on. You might want to focus on these so you can become the best version of yourself.
In other words, you must be the One to attract the One. This means making self-improvement a top priority and focusing on yourself. There are multiple paths to personal growth, and you should choose the one that speaks to your soul. Take time to develop yourself and resist comparing yourself to others. Embrace your own journey.
Maybe you want to become more spiritual or you want to live a healthier lifestyle. Don’t just wait for Mr. Right. Set some SMART goals and slay them! Because a woman living her life to the fullest is irresistibly attractive.
Find out what you want in a partner
Dating is fun, but it can also be exhausting. Especially if you’ve been dating since you were a teenager and still haven’t found the right guy. If you’ve kissed one frog too many, maybe it’s time to step back and let go of your dating app. Being single is the perfect time to figure out what you really really want in a partner.
And if that is a committed partner, you should be more selective when dating and filter out those who are not in alignment with your goals and values. Instead of continuing a relationship with someone you have no future with.
Instead, spend time enjoying singlehood and learning more about yourself. What are your beliefs and values? Take a trip down memory lane and review past relationships. What was the best and the worst parts of each? When looking at a potential match, ask if this man would make a good father, lover, best friend or simply a great companion to grow old with.
We found this at Bustle: which rings true:
“When we try to control the process, we can’t attract what we want in life. Instead of limiting what we want or what we are looking for, we let things happen and become open to the possibilities. This type of attitude allows for everything to work out just the way we need. Too many singles have such defined expectations that they miss out on opportunities that are right in front of them.” – Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin
Further reading: Finding the real you amid the craziness of being a single mother.
Figure out your dealbreakers
Just as important, what are your dealbreakers? Most women have them, but they’re kind of in the back of our minds and usually go right out the window when we’re infatuated. If you’re looking for a committed relationship, making a list of dealbreakers is a must. For example, would you marry a man with a different religion or political affiliation? How about someone who ticks all the boxes but does not have a solid career? Make that list and stick to it.
We tend to think that we can “fix” people and that love will eventually conquer all. Patterns of destructive behaviour are deeply ingrained and often require years of therapy to break. It’s not your job to fix anyone. If you’re dating a man who is unfaithful, it’s unrealistic to expect them to change when/if you get married.
HOW TO FIND A GUY WHO WANTS A RELATIONSHIP
Friends can be (long-term) lovers
Do you have a male friend whose company you enjoy so much? Someone whose interests and values match yours perfectly, but the timing is wrong (maybe he is in a relationship) or you are on opposite sides of the planet. Don’t rule out a good friend when you’re hunting for a soulmate. That friend may turn out to be the One eventually.
It can be tempting to rush things, especially if you’ve been alone for some time or you are over 40. Getting to know someone as a friend, sometimes over the course of many years, is a good way to test if someone would be a great committed partner. You would be free to care for one another without ultimatums or the pressure of taking it to the next level.
Widen your circle of friends and keep your eyes open. Besides joining a dating site for the commitment-minded, also explore other groups online and off. Find people with common interests and hang out with them. You never know.
Confidence is key
Being confident is the key to attracting the right man for a committed relationship. At parties, we are naturally drawn to people who seem like they are always having a great time. We generally want to approach people who smile when they see us, not those who skulk in the corner scowling. Being outgoing or sociable is a big help. According to Forbes, men and women rank sociability at No. 6 on their lists of what they want in a mate.
It’s true that confidence can be faked, but real confidence, the one that comes from being a whole person (whether single or attached) who is constantly growing and investing in herself is very powerful and effective.
Further reading: How to supercharge your self-esteem after divorce.