Rebuilding your life after separation often starts in the quiet bit nobody warns you about. The paperwork slows down. People stop checking in. And you’re left with dinner to make, a phone you’re nervous to pick up, and one big question. Who am I now?
I separated about ten years ago, and I’m a counsellor now, so I’ve sat on both sides of that question. The short answer is this. You don’t have to work it out alone, and help doesn’t have to cost you anything. A registered charity called Sociii funds six months of one-on-one coaching for single mums. It’s online, it works anywhere in Australia, and mums pay nothing. I sat down on the Beanstalk Mums podcast with co-founder Natalie Shaw and Katie Cornelius. Katie is Sociii’s partnership manager, and she went through the program herself. Here’s what they shared:
This article is for general informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health support. If you are struggling, please reach out to a qualified professional or contact Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636.
What Does Rebuilding Your Life After Separation Actually Mean?
Rebuilding your life after separation is the stage that comes once the legal and practical crisis settles. It’s about getting your confidence, your sense of self and your direction back while you parent, often on one income. For many single mums, it’s quieter and lonelier than the separation itself, because outside support fades.
This article won’t cover property, parenting orders or payments. If you’re still in the first raw weeks, start with our guide to the first year after separation.
Why the Quiet After the Crisis Hits So Hard
The crisis gives you adrenaline. The quiet afterwards often takes your confidence.
When things fall apart, people rally. Then the dust settles and everyone goes back to their own lives. You’re left in the kitchen thinking, “Okay, the worst part is over. Now what?”
Natalie sees this all the time. For many mums, she told me, this stage shows up as “a lack of self-confidence, a lack of self-worth, fear still, non-clarity about direction”.
Katie lived it. She has her two girls full time, she works, and her family lives overseas. She was honest about how easy it is to slide back. “People go back to their ex because they’re scared,” she said.
Here’s my gentle push-back on the usual advice. After a breakup, everyone tells you to book the massage and run the bath. Lovely, and worth doing. But a bath doesn’t answer “who am I now?” That question needs time, a plan, and someone in your corner. If you want somewhere to start, try our tips on self-esteem after divorce.
Is Free Coaching for Single Mums Really Free?
Yes. Sociii covers the full cost through donations and sponsors, so mums pay nothing.
I get why you’d be wary. A kind man once donated over 200 bikes to Beanstalk Mums families. We struggled to give them away, because mums assumed there had to be a catch.
Katie felt the same. What changed her mind was a chat with the program manager. The team was also upfront about where the money comes from. “They’re not going to try to persuade me on some religious path,” Katie said. “It’s just about you.”
So who pays? Natalie says it costs Sociii around $7,000 to put one woman through the program. Some business owners sponsor a mum for the year. Others give what they can.
Here’s a handy habit for any “free” offer. Look the charity up on the ACNC Charity Register before you share your details.
How the Sociii Program Works
The program runs for six months, with about a dozen sessions. Most are one-on-one with your own coach. Here’s how it unfolds, based on what Natalie shared.
- The early sessions look inward. Katie’s sessions took her back to her childhood, and things started “clicking” about choices she’d made as an adult.
- Group sessions come later. You meet other mums in your intake and learn a few practical tools together.
- It’s all online. You can join from anywhere in Australia, often with just your phone.
- Times are flexible. Coaches run sessions at different times to suit your family and work.
- The support carries on. After six months, past participants can join monthly talks on topics like breathwork, money and renting.
Katie was often five or ten minutes late, and her coach rolled with it. “If the kids get sick, whatever, they’ll make it work,” she said.
How Do You Apply?
Applying is fairly simple. Here are the steps Natalie walked me through.
- Fill in the form on the Sociii website, or email the team.
- Have a relaxed chat with the program manager about where you’re at.
- Complete a few short online check-ins. Natalie says they’re the everyday kind counsellors use.
- Do a quick induction and meet your coach.
If now isn’t the right time, the team can point you to other support first.
When Is the Right Time to Get Coaching?
The best time is once the crisis has settled and you have a little room to think. Sociii checks this with you at the start.
It’s tempting to think the sooner you get help, the better. Actually, that’s not quite right. Early on, the priorities are safety, housing and the practical basics. Natalie said that when Sociii first opened, mums still in the thick of it struggled to keep going.
“I couldn’t have done this when I was in kind of a crisis mode,” Katie said. “It would have made no difference to me.”
There’s a trade-off to be honest about. Six months is a real commitment, about an hour a session. Katie locked each one into her calendar like a work meeting. If your weeks are already full to the brim, waiting a term is a fair call. If you’re tired of feeling stuck, it might be exactly the right time.
And if things still feel heavy, that’s not a failure. Sometimes the better first step is talking to a counsellor. You can also call Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, day or night.
How Coaching Changes the Way You Handle Your Ex
Coaching doesn’t change your ex. It changes how much power their messages have over you.
For Katie, the biggest shift was knowing what she could control. She keeps conversations with her ex-husband about the children and doesn’t get pulled into side arguments.
She used to receive threats and spiral into panic. “Now a threat to me is just words,” she said. Before, her girls could tell she was “freaking out internally”. To be clear, “just words” is about how Katie feels now. It’s not a reason to ignore a threat, and there’s a safety note below.
I know that spill-over well. I’ve tried to hide my upset from my kids, and it never works. They always know something’s going on with mum.
These days, Katie’s girls watch her build her own business from a small apartment. Her eldest has started a dog-walking business, with signs in their building’s lifts. For more everyday ideas, see our guide on communicating with your ex.
A 60-Second Reset for the 5:30pm Text
It’s 5:30pm. Dinner’s on the stove, the kids are melting down, and a text from your ex lands. Here’s a two-step reset from Katie and Natalie.
- Let an AI tool strip out the noise. Katie learned this from another mum in the program. Paste the message into an AI chat tool. Ask it to pull out only the practical request you need to answer. “It just keeps you on track,” Katie said, “and then you can keep cooking your dinner for the children.”
- Hold the steering wheel. “You wouldn’t hand the steering wheel to someone else while you were driving,” Natalie said. You don’t owe an instant reply. Feed the kids first, then answer only the facts. Keep it “very factual and kind”.
I’ve used an AI chat tool myself to help word a reply. A few cautions, though.
- Take out names, addresses and your kids’ details before you paste anything in.
- The tool can get things wrong. You still decide what to send.
- If a message is a threat, don’t just tidy it up. Screenshot it, keep the original, and contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, 24 hours a day. If you’re in danger, call 000.
Accepting Help Is Part of the Work
Saying yes to help can feel harder than doing everything yourself. So many of us grew up believing a good mum keeps every ball in the air. I’d love our daughters to learn something different.
Katie still catches herself saying “no, no, we’re fine” when people offer. Now she says yes. “Take the help when it’s offered,” she said.
Her reframe for the hard days is a good one. “What’s the worst that’s going to happen?” she asked. “You’re going to go back to where you were, or you’re going to grow further.”
Natalie’s version is shorter. Have some hope, find support “whether that’s Sociii or something else”, then do the work. Single parent support groups can help with the hope part, because the mums there have been where you are.
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One Step Is Enough for Today
You’ve already been through the loudest part. What comes next is quieter, and it’s allowed to take time. Rebuilding your life after separation doesn’t need a perfect plan. It needs one honest step. That might be a coaching application, a chat with a counsellor, or a yes when a friend offers to cook. You were never meant to carry the whole family on your own.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long does rebuilding your life after separation take?
There’s no set timeline, and it often starts once the legal and practical crisis has settled. Sociii’s free coaching program runs over about six months.
Is there free coaching for single mums in Australia?
Yes. Sociii is a registered charity that funds one-on-one coaching for single mums, with donors and sponsors covering the cost.
How much does it cost Sociii to coach one mum?
Co-founder Natalie Shaw says it costs around $7,000 to put one woman through the program. Mums pay nothing, because donations and business sponsors cover it.
Can I join Sociii’s program if I live in a regional area?
Yes. The program is delivered online, so mums can join from anywhere in Australia.
Where do I start rebuilding my life after separation?
Start with one supported step, like an application, a counsellor or a friend you can lean on. If you’re still in the first few weeks, focus on safety, housing and the practical basics first.
What should I do if my ex’s messages feel threatening?
Keep copies of the messages and contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, 24 hours a day. If you’re in danger, call 000.
You’ve got this! Let’s thrive together. And don’t forget to like and follow the podcast so you never miss an episode packed with inspiration and practical tips for your journey!
