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When you’re navigating separation and parenting on your own, it’s easy to feel like you’re doing it all wrong — or all alone. From overwhelming emotions to the logistics of co-parenting and the financial pressures in between, the load is real.
In this heartfelt episode of the Beanstalk Mums Podcast, Elle is joined by Thad Hollis, a nationally accredited mediator, divorce coach and founder of Better Outcomes Coaching & Mediation. With over 30 years of experience across thousands of family and workplace disputes, Thad offers a calm and compassionate approach to one of the most emotionally complex transitions a mum can face: separating from a partner while raising children.
Thad shares his own journey — from beginning mediation work in Bermuda as a teen, to rebuilding his life from scratch in Australia at 59 — and brings with it a deep understanding of grief, resilience, and finding strength in uncertain times.
This episode goes far beyond the legal process. It’s a guide to the emotional terrain of separation, filled with wisdom, gentle mindset shifts, and incredibly practical tools for single mums working through conflict, co-parenting, and big life changes.
Why separation is more than a legal process — it’s an emotional one
Many mums approach separation, thinking the hardest part will be dividing assets or sorting custody arrangements. But as Thad explains, the real challenge often lies in grieving the relationship itself — and the future you once imagined.
No one begins a relationship expecting it to end. So when it does, there’s a very real sense of loss. A divorce coach, unlike a lawyer, can support you through this emotional journey — helping you process your grief, regulate your emotions, and start making clearer decisions for yourself and your children. Thad calls it “holding a safe space” — a place to feel everything without judgment, while still gently guiding you forward.
In the world of co-parenting, this emotional support is crucial. Without it, unresolved hurt can seep into every message, every negotiation, every drop-off. When it’s acknowledged and supported, healing begins — and a more stable co-parenting relationship becomes possible.
The role of a divorce coach (and why it matters)
Still a relatively new concept in Australia, a divorce coach is someone who helps you build a plan before you take action. As Thad shares, this might include clarifying what you want from separation, identifying your emotional triggers, and helping you build a team — whether that’s a family lawyer, a financial adviser, a therapist, or a mediator.
A lawyer can tell you what’s legally possible. But a coach helps you explore what’s emotionally sustainable — and what’s actually best for you and your family long-term.
In high-stress situations (which co-parenting often is), having someone neutral, calm and future-focused in your corner can make all the difference. Thad also offers a “communication review” service — guiding mums on how to word tricky texts or emails in a way that reduces conflict, rather than escalating it.
Finding calm in the chaos of co-parenting
Single mums are often under immense pressure. You’re managing the kids, holding down work, responding to your ex, dealing with bills — and all the while trying not to fall apart.
Thad offers a refreshingly simple reframe: start small. Whether it’s five minutes with a cup of tea, repeating a calming mantra (“I am confident. I can do this. I am home”), or even finding a way to mentally check out while physically present with your child — small acts of self-regulation are powerful.
He reminds us that when we're overwhelmed, our nervous system moves into fight, flight or freeze. This makes co-parenting even harder, because we’re reacting from fear rather than responding with thought. Calming your body — through breath, space or routine — can help you return to centre before replying to that frustrating text or stepping into a tricky conversation.
The takeaway? You don’t have to fix everything. Just claim a few moments each day where you come back to yourself.
Why flexibility in co-parenting plans is key
Co-parenting plans are essential — but they should never be written in stone. Children grow, jobs change, and emotions evolve. What works for your co-parenting relationship right now might not be right in six months’ time.
Thad explains that one of the biggest sources of tension he sees is rigid expectations. One parent suddenly wants more time, the other feels blindsided — and before long, trust starts to unravel.
He encourages families to treat their co-parenting plan as a living document — something that’s built to adapt. This might look like occasional check-ins, or using a mediator or coach to talk through changes calmly. If trust is low, even agreeing to communicate via email or app can be a step in the right direction.
Thad’s advice is to start with the needs of the children. “If your child could write the plan,” he asks, “what would they ask for?” That one question can shift the entire tone of the conversation.
Tools for communicating with an ex — without escalating
Let’s be honest: communication is one of the hardest parts of co-parenting, especially when there’s unresolved hurt. Thad shares practical tools for lowering the temperature and keeping conversations focused — even if your ex doesn’t seem interested in the same approach.
One key strategy? Delay. If you receive a message that spikes your emotions, it’s okay to step away. You can acknowledge receipt without engaging: “I’ve seen your message. I’ll get back to you later today.” This gives you time to regulate, think clearly, and respond in a way that reflects your values — not just your immediate emotions.
Another useful approach is to imagine the message landing with your child’s eyes. “Would I be proud for them to read this?” is a filter that can save you from saying something reactive in the heat of the moment.
And if communication is truly difficult, don’t be afraid to seek support. A coach or mediator can help craft messages that express your needs without reigniting conflict — a vital skill in any co-parenting arrangement.
Encouragement for when it all feels too much
Perhaps the most powerful part of this episode is Thad’s genuine admiration for single mums — and the reminder that you are doing so much more than you give yourself credit for.
He acknowledges the exhaustion, the juggle, and the invisible load. And he encourages mums to recognise their own strength, creativity, and care. “You go to the fridge, see nothing, and still make a meal. That’s resourcefulness,” he says. “If you can do that, imagine what else you’re capable of.”
When it comes to co-parenting, the emotional load is heavy — but it doesn’t have to be carried alone. Thad’s message is clear: you’re not broken, you’re not failing, and you’re definitely not alone.
FINAL THOUGHTS on Navigating Conflict and Co-Parenting
Co-parenting isn’t always easy. In fact, some days it feels impossibly hard. But it doesn’t have to be lonely, and it doesn’t have to be chaotic. With the right support, a few grounded strategies, and a mindset that honours both your needs and your children’s, better outcomes really are possible.
This episode is your reminder to pause, breathe, and remember your strength. Because you don’t need to do it perfectly. You just need to take the next small, steady step — and allow others to walk alongside you.
Links for this episode:
🌸 Visit Better Outcomes Coaching & Mediation
✨ Learn more about divorce coaching with Thad
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QUOTE YOU’LL LOVE:
“You’re not alone. There are people who want you to be well. Reaching out is the most courageous act you can do for yourself.”
– Thad Hollis
