More than nine in 10 unpaid caregivers in Australia feel physically or mentally exhausted due to their caregiving responsibilities (94%). Often neglecting their own needs as a result (92%), highlights a 2023 study conducted by The CareSide. For those who are caring for children and ageing parents at the same time, it can be a major challenge to find a balance — especially if you’ve got a busy work schedule to manage on top of it all. From the value of a solid routine to how a support network can come into play, even time for yourself can all help in the prevention of burnout.
The power of a solid routine
As a mum, you likely already recognise the value of a solid family routine, from regular sports practices to bedtimes and beyond. However, if you’re newly tasked with caring for your parents as they age, a routine can be equally as beneficial. Whether you aid your parents with grocery shopping or drive them to a weekly pilates class. The development of a routine can help establish some normalcy. That said, this doesn’t mean that you have to take on more than you can handle, especially if your schedule is already full of obligations like work.
In some cases, the balance between childcare and time spent with your parents can be found in an efficient solution. If possible, getting your parents involved with childcare can be a great way to take some of the stress off of your own plate, even if just for a couple of hours. Not only will this present your children with an opportunity to spend quality time with their grandparents, but will keep your parents company as well.
How to Balance Self-Care with Ageing Parents cont...
This is especially important if your parents are still rather independent — if they happen to live on their own, the risk of loneliness can become a major concern. Monash University highlights longitudinal data, which shows that one in five older Australians feel loneliness — especially those aged 75 and over. On the flip side, you can use this block of time however you see fit, whether for self-care or to accomplish an errand for your parents.
For individuals who live with their parents in a multigenerational household, the integration of quality time spent together can be made easier, though other problems are likely to arise. For example, schedules can become muddled, and your parents may not be able to get out of the house as much as they’d like to if they’re frequently at home with the grandchildren. With that in mind, tools such as a shared calendar that is accessible to everyone can make a big difference.
A shared calendar can not only provide information in regard to work schedules, doctor appointments, and school events but can serve as a hub for communication as well. Whether it be the side of the fridge or in the home’s entryway. Room for sticky notes and pens can make for the perfect solution to communicate reminders, grocery lists, and important phone numbers around the clock.
The power of a support network
As an informal caregiver to ageing parents and as a parent yourself, it can be incredibly difficult to do everything for everyone. Meal plans, laundry, and the dance between your child’s sports practice and your parents’ doctor apportionments can quickly become too much to handle. A strong support network plays an integral role when the goal is to uncover a balance — after all, nobody has superpowers.
A sibling, partner, relatives, or loved ones can all help take some of the weight off an overwhelmed schedule, though social support presents additional benefits. For instance, social support can help individuals to better cope with stress and improve motivation. Additionally, social support can serve as an outlet where you can share your worries and experiences with those who care — and perhaps those who may share your experiences.
In some cases, you may wish to consider professional help for your parents as they continue to age. While this can be a difficult decision. It can prove to be the best course of action if you are unable to realistically meet your ageing parent's needs in addition to caring for your children and yourself. Whether your parents require around-the-clock medical care or need help with basic tasks (such as feeding themselves), professional care in the right environment can often be a great decision.
Many aged care homes strive to create a positive environment and often feature enrichment experiences for residents that range from games to cooking, crafts, and art. Routine events and activities can also help keep boredom at bay, while philosophies such as fresh food plans will further contribute to a healthy lifestyle.
You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Self-care can feel nearly impossible for mums who are tasked with caring for ageing parents in addition to their own children, though it’s important to remember that you can’t properly care for others without having first taken care of your own needs. This is crucial in the prevention of burnout and will enable you to care for everyone to the best of your ability.
“Since the pandemic, we’ve seen an increase in the sense of pressure that parents feel to be all things to everyone all the time,” says psychologist Adam Borland, PsyD, who goes on to share that this can lead to chronic emotional and physical fatigue. To avoid burnout, a plan for self-care is a must. Through the creation of dedicated time for a hobby or activity that you enjoy, you can effectively take a much-needed break from care duties.
To start out, it’s noted that even 15, 10, or even just five minutes a day spent on something that makes you feel less stressed can help get you used to the prioritisation of self-care on a regular basis. The Cleveland Clinic identifies several ways to practice self-care as a parent, from exercise to a new hobby or even time spent with friends.
As a parent with ageing parents, it can be incredibly difficult to find the right balance between meeting everyone’s needs in addition to your own. While strategies such as a shared calendar can help families who live together, time made for self-care is crucial in order to provide optimal care. In some cases, however, the consideration of an aged care home can be the right choice, especially for mums who wish to provide their parents with the best environment possible as they age.
To Summarise How to Balance Children and Ageing Parents
Balancing the care of your children and ageing parents is no small feat, but it’s important to remember you don’t have to do it all alone. By establishing a solid routine, fostering a strong support network, and prioritising self-care, you can create a more manageable and fulfilling dynamic for your family. In some cases, professional care for ageing parents may be the best choice to ensure their well-being and allow you to focus on your own needs. Remember, taking care of yourself is essential—not just for you, but for everyone who depends on you.
