Truth About Perfect Parenting & Ways to Calm Anxious Kids

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If your child’s worries or meltdowns are leaving you frazzled, this gentle, practical episode of Beanstalk Mums – Real Talk for Single Mums is for you. Counsellor and parent coach Sarah Florenze shares lived-experience wisdom and simple tools to help overwhelmed mums steady themselves, calm anxious kids, and swap the pressure of perfect parenting for connection and growth.

Sarah’s story: lived experience, real tools

Sarah began as a primary school teacher, later completing a Master’s in Counselling and Psychotherapy while parenting two young kids. She’s open about growing up with anxiety and how that fuels her compassion and practical approach today. Her work blends therapy with parent coaching (informed by conscious-parenting principles) to support families in everyday moments that matter most.

Perfection vs connection (and why mindset matters)

• Perfectionism is a protection strategy. It often hides fear of failure, criticism or a need for control. When we feel unsafe or unsure what to do, many of us tighten our grip.

• Swap “perfect” for “present.” Sarah’s mantra: We’re not aiming for perfection; we’re aiming for connection. Small, steady moments of attunement beat flawless lunchboxes or colour-coded routines.

• Notice your activations. If your child’s behaviour sets something off in you, that’s information. Get curious, then respond instead of reacting.

• See your child “as is.” They’re not a reflection of you; they’re a whole person with their own temperament, needs and timing.

The Truth About Perfect Parenting & Ways to Calm Anxious Kids (Continued)

Signs your child may need extra support

Consider reaching out for help if worries or big feelings are:

• Persistent over weeks (not just a rough day)
• Interfering with sleep, school or appetite
• Intense (frequent meltdowns or distress hard to settle)
• Physical (ongoing tummy aches, nausea, fatigue)

First, check in with your GP to rule out medical issues. If needed, add a mental-health professional (counsellor, psychologist) for deeper emotional patterns, or a parent coach for day-to-day strategies that reduce stress at home.

Counselling vs parent coaching (quick guide)

• Counselling/Therapy: Registered professional; explores deeper emotional patterns, past experiences and mental-health concerns; evidence-informed treatment and support.
• Parent Coaching: Pragmatic, present-focused strategies; builds routines, scripts and tools for daily challenges; reduces stress and improves the parent-child dynamic.
  Many families benefit from both at different times.

Tiny Tool #1: The Night-Walk Star Chat (10 minutes)

A soothing ritual to calm anxious kids (and you).

• Step outside after dark with a small torch and a warm drink.
• Look up together and ask: “What felt OK today?” “What brought you joy?”
• Keep it light, unrushed and screen-free.
  This unusual, yet simple ritual signals safety and helps the body downshift before bed.

Tiny Tool #2: The 20-Minute “Child-Led” Time

Do this daily if you can (or 3× per week):

• Schedule it: “In an hour, I’m all yours for 20 minutes—what shall we do?”
• Let them choose: Trains, drawing, Bluey cuddles, nail-painting—no corrections.
• Be all in: Put your phone in another room and follow their lead.
• End with warmth: “I loved that time with you.”
  Consistency builds connection, confidence and calm.

Gentle reframes to Calm Anxious Kids

• “Big feelings aren’t bad feelings. They’re messages.”

• “Mistakes are learning in disguise.”

• “I don’t have to fix this perfectly. I can be with it, kindly.”

• “Calm is contagious—starting with me.”

Links for this episode:

🌸 Keep Growing Counselling — Explore the work of Sarah Florenze

👶 Triple P – Positive Parenting Program (free/low-cost options in many areas). 

📖 What Happens to Our Kids When We Fail to Grow Up? - Book by Maggie Hamilton. 

✨ Raising Children Network (Australian, evidence-based guides for anxiety at every age). 

👯‍♀️ https://www.facebook.com/groups/SingleMumVine — Don’t forget to join the Single Mum Vine on Facebook! It’s the perfect spot to connect with fellow single mums for support and advice.

🎙️ https://beanstalkmums.com.au/podcast — Our brand-new widget is live on the Beanstalk Mums website! Drop us a voice message with your thoughts or questions; you might hear them in a future episode.

You’ve got this! Let’s thrive together. And don’t forget to like and follow the podcast so you never miss an episode packed with inspiration and practical tips for your journey!

Helplines (Australia)

• Lifeline: 13 11 14 (available 24/7 for crisis support). If life is in danger, call 000.
• Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 (24/7 mental health support via phone, web chat, and email).
• Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 (24/7 for kids/teens/parents).

❤️ Care note: This article is general information, not medical advice. Please seek professional guidance for your situation.

Ready to try one thing today?

Tonight, do the Night-Walk Star Chat or 20 minutes of child-led play. Breathe slower than your child, keep your tone warm, and end with, “Thank you for sharing that with me.” Calm is a practice—not a personality.

If this helped, share it with a mum who needs a softer day. 

Want more gentle support to calm anxious kids and care for yourself? Join our community and try a mini tool from our “You’ve Got This” e-course.