When a relationship ends, the first instinct is often to separate. But what happens when you and your ex decide to keep living together—for the sake of your children? This was Heather’s reality. After 14 years together, she and her husband separated in October 2021. But instead of going their separate ways, they chose to stay co-parenting under one roof for another 3.5 years, prioritising their children’s stability.
Was it easy? Not at all. But was it worth it? Heather believes so. Here, she shares the realities of co-parenting while still living together—what worked, what didn’t, and what she wishes she’d known beforehand.
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Why stay under one roof after separating?
For Heather, the decision to continue living with her ex-husband was driven by a deep desire to provide stability for their young children. With their kids aged between 3 and 7 at the time of separation, they didn’t even notice anything had changed for over a year. The familiarity of home life remained intact, and that alone made the transition easier for the whole family.
“We were already sleeping in separate bedrooms before we officially separated,” Heather explains. “So, the shift wasn’t as drastic as it might have been otherwise.”
But staying under one roof wasn’t just about the children—it also gave Heather and her ex time to figure out their next steps without rushing into decisions.
The unexpected benefits of co-parenting under one roof
While many people assume living with an ex would be a nightmare, Heather discovered some surprising positives:
✅ Stability for the children – Their day-to-day routine remained the same, with both parents still present.
✅ Time to plan the future – No pressure to immediately move out or find alternative housing.
✅ Improved communication – Without the immediate separation, they were able to work on their co-parenting dynamic.
✅ Financial benefits – Shared expenses meant they could both adjust to single-parent finances gradually.
“Looking back, I can see that it gave us a foundation to build a strong co-parenting relationship,” Heather shares. “It allowed us to separate emotionally without the immediate stress of logistics.”
The biggest challenges of living with an ex
Of course, it wasn’t all smooth sailing.
💔 Delayed emotional processing – Living together meant postponing some of the grieving process until they finally moved into separate homes.
💔 Boundaries were tricky – Figuring out personal space and independence while still cohabiting was an ongoing challenge.
💔 Moving on was complicated – Heather began dating 18 months after their separation but had to set clear boundaries about their shared home.
“There were definitely moments of frustration,” Heather admits. “We had to work hard on emotional regulation and communication to make it work.”
Practical tips for making it work
If you’re considering co-parenting under one roof post-separation, here are some lessons from Heather’s experience:
🔹 Set clear ground rules – No bringing new partners into the shared home, and maintain mutual respect.
🔹 Use a shared calendar – A Google calendar helped them stay organised with parenting schedules and commitments.
🔹 Keep emotions out of logistics – When discussing practical matters, they focused on facts, not feelings.
🔹 Have a support system outside of mutual friends – Heather found it crucial to lean on people outside their shared social circle.
The transition to a ‘nesting’ arrangement
Eventually, Heather and her ex made the transition to living separately. They opted for a ‘nesting’ arrangement—where the children stay in one home, and the parents take turns living there.
Ironically, she found this even more challenging than living together.
“Not seeing my kids daily was the toughest adjustment,” she shares. “I had to reframe my mindset and focus on quality time over quantity.”
Heather’s advice for single mums in a similar situation
Would Heather recommend this arrangement to other single mums? The answer is—it depends.
“If you and your ex can communicate well and prioritise your children’s needs above all else, it can work,” she says. “But you need to set boundaries and have an exit plan.”
For Heather, the biggest takeaway was the importance of personal growth. She prioritised therapy, friendships, and rediscovering herself before diving into a new relationship.
“I wanted to be a whole person before bringing someone else into my life,” she says. “That’s been the most empowering part of this journey.”
Final thoughts on co-parenting under one roof
Co-parenting under one roof isn’t for everyone. It requires emotional maturity, clear communication, and a shared commitment to prioritising the children. But for Heather, it was the right choice at the time.
Would you ever consider living with your ex after separating? We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!
Links for this episode:
🎧 Listen to Maggie’s inspiring journey here. If you want to hear from another single mum who has faced the overwhelm and come out stronger, this episode is for you. Maggie’s story is a powerful reminder that empowerment and confidence are within reach.
💛 https://calendly.com/singlemamaway/starthere - If you're struggling emotionally with separation, co-parenting, or finding your way forward, you're not alone. Book a nurturing call with Single Mama Way to help you process your feelings, regain confidence, and create a path that feels right.
👯♀️ https://www.facebook.com/groups/SingleMumVine — Don’t forget to join the Single Mum Vine on Facebook! It’s the perfect spot to connect with fellow single mums for support and advice.
🎙️ https://beanstalkmums.com.au/podcast — Our brand-new widget is live on the Beanstalk Mums website! Drop us a voice message with your thoughts or questions; you might hear them in a future episode.
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