It’s such a horrible feeling when you realise that what was once a special relationship, is now coming to an end. In fact, it is so upsetting that many of us (myself included) will chose to ignore the signs that the relationship is really over.
In some cases, your relationship running it’s course will be obvious and you absolutely know that breaking up is the right thing to do. But what if you are not sure? Or you feeling conflicted by your feelings and can’t see a clear path through?
In this article, I talk you through some obvious (and not so obvious) signs that your relationship is possibly not worth saving. It’s really important to know these signs because staying in an unhealthy, unhappy relationship is damaging for both you and your partner. And how one relationship ends can often determine the course of your next relationship.
Here are eight signs that your relationship is really over.
Further reading: The top 10 comfort foods to get over a breakup.
1. GUT FEELING THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS OVER
Your gut feeling tells you something isn’t right. You can’t seem to put your finger on it but you’re always feeling as though something is wrong. You don’t feel at ease and every attempt to create happy moments fall flat leaving you feeling dissatisfied with life.
I have been there and I can tell you it’s a sure sign that your relationship is over. You will know it when he starts to ignore you or when he starts giving you the cold shoulder, leaving you feeling rejected and unimportant.
You will feel it in your gut that something is ending especially when he starts to act differently around you. You know that there is something wrong though you can’t quite pinpoint it. Most of the time, our feelings are right and your gut feeling that things are over is a sign you should listen to.
Sometimes, he makes it clear. Your partner may be exhibiting distance behaviour, avoiding eye contact, not talking to you, or even lying about his whereabouts and who he spends time with. All these may be a good clue that something is not right in your relationship and that is beyond repair.
2. SELF-SABOTAGING
You or your partner are self-sabotaging to escape the reality of unhappiness in the relationship. This may include:
- Drinking
- Comfort eating
- Gambling
- Taking drugs
If there are no other major stressor in your lives such as work, family, then you need to look at your relationship to conclude whether it is what is causing your discontent with life.
Do you or your partner find yourselves engaging in self-destructive behaviours like drinking, comfort eating, gambling, or taking drugs? If there are no other major stressors in life such as work or family issues, then it may be time to check the relationship and determine if that is what’s causing unhappiness. Don’t let yourself be dragged down by a relationship that isn’t working – make the decision today to get back on track and live happier!
3. NO QUALITY TIME
No longer do both of you spend the same amount of quality time you used to enjoy. From long walks in the park, going to the movies, watching your favourite TV programs, engaging in stimulating conversations late into the night, and taking part in recreational hobbies together, many of these activities have slowly been replaced by solo ventures or group get-togethers outside the relationship.
You’re spending less and less time together as a couple. Instead of being present at the moment and enjoying each other’s company, your partner may choose to spend their free time on their individual interests or with friends. This lack of quality time can leave you feeling neglected, lonely, and disconnected from your partner.
4. PARTNERS’ FAULTS ARE AMPLIFIED
Your partner’s faults overshadow their good traits and you’re starting to dislike them as a person. Times together are often ending up in arguments, frustration or resentment. This can ultimately cause the bad times to outweigh the good times.
Conflict between you and your partner will become more frequent and intense, leaving little room to move forward in the relationship. You may find it difficult to talk things through as arguments erupt quickly and nobody is willing to settle and compromise. These conditions make the relationship almost impossible to repair.
You or your partner may feel like the other person is always at fault for clashes and disagreements. This can lead to a cycle of blame and resentment that only further distances you from each other. When this happens, you will know that you need to make a decision about ending the relationship.
5. POOR COMMUNICATION
Communication is the lifeblood of relationships and lack of communication in a relationship indicates that something is wrong. When communication breaks down, couples often struggle to reconnect and re-establish their bond with each other. And the longer it takes for a communication to be re-established, the harder it becomes to recover from problems, making it difficult to trust each other and build a strong relationship.
You aren’t communicating and both of you seem very despondent. Your partner use to be the first person you would call whenever you had good news or bad, because they were your best friend or confidante. You may feel neither of you have anything in common to talk about. Even when things annoy you, you don’t bother raising it as an issue anymore as you think:
‘What’s the point.’
When you are in love, you want to share almost everything including the littlest of things that happened to you in the day. The lack of or poor communication is a clear sign that the relationship is on its way out.
If this symptom sounds familiar to you, it’s time to take stock of your relationship and assess the situation. It can be grueling to come to terms with ending a long-term relationship, but sometimes it’s for the best.
6. NO FUTURE
When you think of your life ahead you don’t actually see your partner as part of your future. You don’t talk about things you can both look forward to or common goals you both aspire to. You can often think:
‘Is this it? Is this the best life is going to get.’
You start to feel like you’re on different paths and the interests of your partner no longer align with yours. This is a sign that it might be time to move on, as it demonstrates the relationship is no longer fulfilling for both parties.
There may even be instances when you or your partner feel like you’re missing out on something else. This can manifest as apathy and an unwillingness to put in effort into the relationship, further eroding it from within.
If you find these signs familiar, then there is a good chance that your relationship has gone off track and it may be excruciating to get back in sync with each other. When you no longer see the potential for a future together, then it is wise to think about and consider ending the relationship.
Ending a long-term relationship can be heartbreaking and daunting but sometimes it’s for the best. If any of these signs of no future resonate with you, then it might be time to take stock of your relationship and assess where it stands. A lack of a future is a symptom of a relationship that might be beyond repair.
7. DISCONNECTED
When you first met, you almost instantly felt the connection but now, it seems like you’re two separate individuals. You don’t feel close to each other anymore, almost as if you’re not even in the same room. This can be a sign that your relationship is calling for an end.
As time goes by the connection has been lost with no intimacy or affection. You can actually feel more like flatmates than partners. Everything that you once shared has been pushed away or buried. This can cause both partners to feel disconnected and anxious, fearing the relationship is heading toward a breakup.
Even when you are together in one shelter, you may feel like you two are miles away. You can see them physically but feel like you can’t connect. The connection is clearly gone between the two of you, and it can leave both of you feeling anxious and vulnerable, knowing that things have changed drastically since before.
8. VALUES MISALIGNED
Your values may be mismatched causing conflict in areas such as:
- Integrity
- Honesty
- Work ethic
- Family
You both have your own values that you acknowledge before when you are happy together but now they seem to be conflicting with each other. If both of you have different values and views on things, it may create a disconnection in your relationship, making it harder for the two of you to connect. This sense of disconnection can cause feelings of frustration and resentment that damage the relationship’s bond.
No matter how hard you try to acknowledge or understand each others values, you may find it increasingly challenging to align them. This then leads to arguments or clashes, which makes both sides feel misunderstood and unappreciated.
You will know when your relationship is heading to an end when you started to see that your values are no longer compatible. If this is the case, it may be better to end the relationship before both of you get too hurt and resentful toward each other. It’s important to remember that a breakup may not necessarily mean your values are wrong, it just means they are no longer suited for each other.
CONCLUSION: 8 Signs that your relationship is really over
If you feel like your relationship has gone off track and these signs resonate with you, take a check of your relationship and assess where it stands. When you see these symptoms mentioned above, it may be time to seriously consider whether the relationship is still fulfilling for both parties. Ending a long-term relationship can be heartbreaking and daunting but sometimes, it’s for the best.
It takes strength and courage to end a long-term relationship, and it’s important to remember that it can be done with kindness, understanding, and respect.
If you are still unsure whether it is time to end it, you can take this: Is your relationship over quiz.
