Listen here...
Explaining an absent father is one of the hardest emotional tasks a single mum may face — especially when the questions come suddenly, or far earlier than expected. In this heartfelt episode of Beanstalk Mums Real Talk, we spoke with Lara Owers, single mum and author of Mummy, Me & Our Family, whose own son’s innocent question sparked the creation of a powerful tool for families with no father in the picture.
In this article, we’ll walk through Lara’s story, the emotional weight many mums carry, and practical, compassionate ways to explain an absent father to children of all ages. You’ll also learn how to anchor into your strengths as a mum, build a nurturing village, and guide your child’s understanding with honesty and love.
Why Explaining an Absent Father Feels So Heavy
For many mums, the absence of a father isn’t just a fact — it’s a wound, a worry, a “how will I say this without hurting them?” moment.
When Lara’s two-year-old son watched Bluey and asked, “Presley… dad?”, she felt the familiar panic so many mums know well: How do I explain an absent father to a toddler who can barely form sentences?
Her instinctive response — “It’s just Mummy. Some families just have mums” — was simple, loving, and enough for that moment. But it also set off a wave of emotions, phone calls to her family, and eventually the birth of her book.
This story reminds us of something crucial:
You don’t need the perfect script. You only need honesty, safety, and love.
Lara’s Story: From NICU, to Single Motherhood, to Becoming an Author
Before the book, Lara’s life looked like so many single mums’ lives: early mornings, daycare drop-offs, racing between work and home, and trying to hold everything together.
But her journey has been shaped by extraordinary challenges: premature birth, isolation during COVID, and raising her son without any involvement from his father. She started with nothing — a newborn in NICU, five hours from home — and built her life from the ground up.
Every step of her journey reveals resilience, reflection, and a deep commitment to giving her son the childhood he deserves.
How to Gently Explain an Absent Father to Your Child
Below are the key principles reflected in Lara’s experience and in the lived reality of many single mums navigating this tender conversation.
1. Keep It Age-Appropriate — Simple Is Safe
Children ask because they’re connecting dots, not because they need a full emotional download.
Lara’s first instinct was exactly right for a toddler:
“Some families have mums, some have dads, some have both. Our family is you and me.”
This keeps things truthful without oversharing or creating fear.
As they grow, the language can evolve.
For toddlers:
- “Your family is you and Mum.”
- “Everyone’s family looks different.”
For preschoolers:
- “Your dad doesn’t live with us, but you are very loved.”
For school-aged kids:
- “Your dad isn’t part of our daily life, and that’s his choice. What matters is the people who show up for you.”
For tweens:
Add nuance only when they’re ready:
“Adults make complicated choices, but you’re not responsible for them.”
2. Focus on Who Is There, Not Who Isn’t
Lara beautifully captures this:
“Who needs a dad when you have an Aunt Bear?”
– Lara Owers
Her book illustrates the richness of a “one-parent + village” family, ending with a page full of family members surrounding her son.
Children don’t measure family by structure — they measure it by presence, warmth, and safety.
Help your child name their village:
- Mum
- Nan or Pop
- Aunties or uncles
- Close family friends
- Teachers
- Coaches
- Your dog (yes, pets count!)
Ask:
“Who is in our family?”
Their answers will surprise you — and reassure you.
See the full episode with Lara on YouTube: No Dad? How One Mum Built a Village
3. If You Carry Guilt, You’re Not Alone (And You’re Not Failing)
Lara admits she has not completely moved past the guilt — and that honesty helps other mums feel normal.
“I overcompensate massively… there’s a lot of weight to carry.”
– Lara
But therapy, reframing, and a supportive family helped her see the truth:
Her son is better off in a peaceful, loving home with one parent than a chaotic home with two.
If guilt shows up for you:
- Name it
- Challenge it
- Reframe it: “My child is not missing out — they are surrounded by love.”
And suppose you're feeling stuck in the heavy emotional load of doing this alone. In that case, our episode on Emotional Restoration for Single Mums offers grounded tools for shifting from overwhelm back into steadiness.
Read or listen here: https://beanstalkmums.com.au/podcast/emotional-restoration-for-single-mums
4. Use Tools, Books & Stories to Support the Conversation
Books can create emotional safety and make complex topics easier to digest.
Lara’s book is simple on purpose — children need warmth and clarity, not complicated explanations.
Children’s literature normalises their experience, showing families with:
- One parent
- Two mums
- Just grandparents
- Blended siblings
- Or built through donor conception
It gives them language before they have emotional processing skills.
See our list of children’s books for single-parent families in "Explain An Absent Dad With Simple Books For Kids"
5. Allow Others to Step Into Supportive Roles
One of the strongest themes in Lara’s story is the power of letting others help:
“His uncle can show up… his poppy can show up… my partner can show up.”
– Lara
Kids thrive when multiple adults invest in them.
It’s not a replacement — it’s reinforcement.
Let people in:
- Family
- Friends
- Community
- Daycare educators
- Teachers
- Sporting role models
- Your support network
Letting others contribute strengthens your child’s world, not weakens your role.
6. Remember: You Are Allowed to Overcompensate
And why shouldn’t you?
As Elle beautifully said during the interview:
“No one ever died from having an over-doting mother.”
– Elle Sitek
The absence of one parent doesn’t mean children receive half the love.
With one deeply engaged parent, many children grow up more secure, more emotionally aware, and more resilient than their peers.
How to Stay Grounded When Raising a Child Without Another Parent
Life without a co-parent is big, heavy, and relentless.
Lara keeps herself anchored through:
Reframing
- Parenting is a process, not a performance.
- You're allowed to not have it all figured out.
Daily grounding
- Eat properly
- Drink water
- Move your body
- Sleep where possible
Permission to feel it all
- Some days you’re angry.
- Other days you’re sad.
- And some days you're unstoppable.
All of it is normal.
FAQ: How Do I Explain an Absent Father?
1. How do I explain an absent father to a toddler?
Keep it gentle and simple:
“Our family is you and me. Some families have dads, some don’t.”
2. Should I tell the truth?
Yes, but only the truth they are developmentally able to hold.
3. What if the father left by choice?
You can say:
“Your dad isn’t part of our life, but you are so loved by the people around you.”
Save the nuance for later years.
4. Will my child be hurt by not having a dad?
Not if they are surrounded by supportive adults and secure attachment. Presence matters more than titles.
5. What if I get upset when they ask?
It’s okay — you’re human. You can return to the conversation later with more calm.
Conclusion and a Tiny Tool
If you’ve wondered how to explain an absent father, felt the guilt rise in your throat, or worried that you’re not enough — please hear this:
You are doing better than you think.
Your child sees who shows up.
They feel loved because you love them.
They feel safe because you built the safety.
Lara's tiny tool:
“Take a breath, drink some water, and ask your child: Who is your family?”
Their answer will tell you everything you need to know.
If this article helped you, please share your story in the comments, join our newsletter, or come connect with other mums in The Single Mum Vine FB group. You don’t have to do this alone.
Links for this episode:
📖 Buy Lara’s book: https://www.dymocks.com.au/mummy-me-and-our-family-by-lara-owers-9781035892709 - A gentle, beautifully simple story for little ones navigating father absence.
📸 Follow Lara on Instagram: - A lovely place for mums to feel seen, understood, and connected to another woman walking a similar path.
👩👧👦 Join the Single Mum Vine on Facebook — It’s the perfect spot to connect with fellow single mums for support and advice.
🧙🏼♀️ Download your life hacks: - Practical cheat-sheets, emotional reset tools, money-saving guides and bite-sized parenting supports — all created with single mums in mind.
You’ve got this! Let’s thrive together. And don’t forget to like and follow the podcast so you never miss an episode packed with inspiration and practical tips for your journey!
