Dating should be a fun experience, a journey to finding your dream partner.
However, more often than not, dating is met with stress, worry and anxiety. This, in turn leads to overthinking, which makes dating anything but fun.
I know this because I have been there, but I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be this way.
Here’s how I stopped overthinking and second guessing myself with my dating life.
And spoiler alert: It was all to do with my mindset around my self-worth.
HOW TO STOP OVERTHINKING WHEN YOU START DATING
JUMPING IN HEAD-FIRST IS NOT A GREAT IDEA
When I started my dating journey, before I knew what I know now and before I became a dating expert, I jumped in head-first.
I didn’t do any pre-work, no work on myself and I certainly wasn’t clear on what I wanted in a partner. I just wanted anyone who would have me.
My husband left me when I was pregnant with our second child for someone younger, so as you can imagine, my self-worth was not super high.
I very quickly had all the common experiences that women deal with in the dating world. I was love bombed and ghosted, stood up and even catfished.
I did a lot of overthinking during this part in my journey, a lot of questioning myself and re-reading messages wondering where I was going wrong. There was a lot of stress and worry around the whole process.
Until I made a change.
GET IN THE RIGHT HEADSPACE
I took some time out.
I learnt everything there was to know about dating. I read every self-help book and every psychological theory about the way in which women should date. Then I completely switched my mindset.
When I started dating again, things were different.
I’d done the work on myself, I valued myself and my time and I embodied the “I am the prize” mentality. There wasn’t overthinking or questioning myself or my decisions. I quickly and confidently eliminated any guy who didn’t meet my standards or any that pushed my boundaries.
That’s when dating became fun, and successful!
I still had guys who were emotionally unavailable, who weren’t high value try and “court” me. But the difference was that I didn’t question myself or my standards and I didn’t get anxiously attached to any of them. I stayed true to who I was and what I was looking for in a partner.
Second time round, I did it right. This is definitely how all single mums should go about dating. Go in confident, informed and knowing your worth.
DON’T PUT ALL THOSE PRECIOUS EGGS IN ONE BASKET
Something that really helped my overthinking was to date multiple people at the same time.
When you think about it, it makes sense right?
Dating several men at the same time stopped me second guessing what I was saying/doing because I had other guys on the go. I had options.
I always advise that until you become exclusive with a guy, until one steps up to the plate to claim you, you are single as hell so feel no shame in this process. Just trust me when I say men will be doing the same.
FOCUS ON THE OUTCOME, NOT THE PROCESS
As easy way to overthink and become too emotionally invested when you start dating is when you focus on the outcome and not on the process.
If you go on a date with a guy anxiously hoping that “this is the one” you’re inevitably going to become hung-up on overthinking everything.
Go on a date and enjoy the process. Find out if his values align with yours, don’t get so caught up with the chemistry. Stay in that present moment and remember that you’re not there to prove your worth to him, he should be proving it to you. You are the prize, don’t ever forget that.
DON’T ADD THEM ON SOCIAL MEDIA
Social media makes us overthink everything! And it’s the same with dating.
We’ve all been guilty of checking to see if he’s online, if he’s watched our story or liked a post.
My advice is don’t add someone you’ve just met to your online space. Enjoy the process of getting to know who they really are without the distraction and added stress of social media.
