The early days after my breakup felt a bit like someone tipped my life upside down, gave it a good shake, and then wandered off without leaving instructions. If you’re sitting there wondering what to do after separation, trust me — I’ve been there, and there was definitely no secret handbook we were all supposed to read in school. When my relationship ended, I looked around at the paperwork, unanswered texts and a suspicious number of takeaway containers and thought, “Okay… so where’s the adult who’s meant to handle all this?”
It may seem chaotic at first, but with the tips below, you can create clarity, stability, and a sense of control while you move into this new phase. These steps helped make things easier for me, and that may make your own journey feel a little lighter.
7 Steps: What to Do After Separation
1. Get your finances sorted
One of the first things you need to jump into is finance. Separation might leave you sharing accounts, debts, and expenses long after your hearts have gone in different directions. If you hold a joint bank account, you may want to open one in your own name promptly, especially if you want to keep your income, savings, and transactions more private. Many couples don’t realise that until things are legally finalised, you can still be liable for anything that happens financially, including a credit card that’s still shared.
This is also a good time to:
- Cancel or separate joint memberships, streaming services and utilities.
- Contact your lender about the mortgage, especially if you plan to stay in the family home.
- Keep copies of financial records, including income, superannuation, bills, and assets.
A little organisation now acts as a safeguard later. Don’t forget to advise Services Australia (human services) about changes to income if child support or benefits apply.
2. Document your date of separation
Separation can happen slowly, loudly, suddenly, or after lots of quiet conversations. No matter how it unfolded, it’s important to determine and record your date of separation. This date matters legally, especially if you later apply for divorce, child support, property settlement, or a future court order.
You can document it in several ways:
- Writing it in a message or email to your former partner or spouse
- Letting friends or family know
- Informing the school or daycare if children are involved
- Updating your address where necessary
If things ever need to go down the official path later, having the date clear just makes life easier. It’s not exciting, but it saves future headaches.
3. What to do after separation to secure passwords, privacy and documents
Separation is an emotionally charged season, and protecting your privacy is important. This applies even when things are on good terms. I changed every password I could think of — bank login, email, social media, government accounts, Medicare, the lot. Not because I thought of misuse, but because I wanted a clean slate and a sense of security.
You may want to:
- Change passwords on accounts where your former partner was a holder
- Update your credit card auto-payments
- Retain control of digital backups and cloud accounts
- Collect originals or copies of essential documents
These include:
- Birth certificates
- Passport and citizenship papers
- Marriage certificates
- Financial information and relevant financial documents
If you like ticking things off, making a list helps hugely, especially on the harder days when your brain has checked out.
4. What to do after separation regarding living arrangements
One thing separation tosses up quickly is living arrangements. Do you stay in the house together short term? Or, stay in the house while your former partner moves out? Do you rent somewhere new? There’s no one right answer; only what works best for your situation, budget, and well-being.
Some mums can continue living in the home with the kids, while others temporarily move in with family or friends while they plan the next step. If you need to change your address formally, the post office can redirect mail so you don’t miss anything important.
If you're handling parenting arrangements, schools appreciate being updated early. That helps with continuity and keeps the children’s best interests front and centre.
5. What to do after separation when seeking legal advice (even if things are amicable)
Talking to an experienced family lawyer has helped me feel steadier, clearer, and better informed. Many family lawyers offer initial consultations, and some may also help explain family law in a way that feels human instead of intimidating.
A lawyer can help you:
- Understand your rights
- Navigate property settlement, liability, assets and superannuation
- Review any proposed court order or agreement
- Work out what’s realistic moving forward
If things are amicable, you may also consider mediation with a mediator. Sometimes sitting down with a neutral professional helps move forward without unnecessary tension, especially when decisions involve the kiddos, co-parenting or parenting arrangements.
Even if everything is friendly today, getting legal advice now can help make the entire journey smoother.
How to inform others about your separation
Telling people about my divorce felt awkward at first, but I've learned that it doesn’t need to be a big announcement. Start with your inner circle — the people who’ll actually support you — and keep it simple: “We’ve separated, and I’m taking things one step at a time.” For schools or childcare, a quick update helps with continuity for the kids. Everyone else can get the short version if and when you feel ready. You don’t owe anyone details, drama or explanations.
Emotional coping strategies after separation
The emotional side of divorce hits in waves, so be gentle with yourself. Small grounding habits help — journaling, long walks, talking to someone who actually gets it, or just sitting with a cup of tea before the kids wake up. Allow yourself to feel everything without judging it. Lean on your support crew, rest when you can, and remember: this season won’t last forever. You’re doing better than you think, Mama.
Bonus Tip: What to Do After Separation
Among all the paperwork, bank accounts, appointments and practical decisions, don’t forget yourself. Separation is a trying time. Your well-being matters as much as your to-do list. Whether it’s a long shower, a walk, a good cry, journalling, or talking to someone who understands, give yourself space to process.
This chapter might feel heavy, but it can also be the start of something incredibly strong, grounded, and hopeful. It took me a while to see it, but opening this door led to so many moments that reminded me I was still me — capable, loving, and stepping one day at a time into a life I was proud of.
You don’t have to have it perfect. You just have to keep going.
