Breaking up is hard enough, but what about trying to be friends afterwards? Some say it’s mature; others say it’s a disaster waiting to happen. If you’ve found yourself wondering whether becoming friends with your ex is a good idea, you are not alone. This is one of those tricky situations that many cases can handle differently—there’s no one-size-fits-all approach.
As a single mum, I know firsthand how dramatic an ex can make life, especially when kids are involved. I’ve tried the whole friends with your ex thing, and let’s just say… it’s complicated. But is it always a bad idea? That depends. This article will help you make sense of whether you should maintain a friendship with an ex and when it’s best to just take a breather and move on.
Can You Really Be Friends with Your Ex?
Some people swear by it—we’re just friends, they say, and claim it’s all platonic. But is that really true, or just something we tell ourselves to ease the heartbreak?
The reality is that whether you can maintain a friendship with your ex depends on a few key factors. If there’s unresolved emotion, if one party is still secretly hoping for a romantic rekindling, or if the breakup was messy, trying to stay amicable is going to be a challenge. However, if both of you have genuinely moved on, a platonic friendship might just work.
Why Taking a Break After a Breakup Is Vital
One of the biggest mistakes people make after a breakup is rushing into friendship too soon. It’s tempting to stay in each other’s lives, but you are still in limbo—not quite together, not quite apart.
Taking a break gives you time to grieve the relationship, gain clarity, and focus on your personal growth. If you’re trying to force a friendship immediately, it may actually slow down your healing. Take some time and contemplate before deciding if friendship is even possible.
Setting Clear Boundaries with an Ex
If you decide to remain friends, clear boundaries are priority number one. Without them, you risk falling back into old romantic relationship patterns.
Are you comfortable with your ex (or maybe too comfortable)? Can you become buddies without slipping back into intimate conversations or physical intimacy? Be honest with yourself about what you can handle, and don’t make exceptions just because you are feeling nostalgic.
When Friendship Becomes a Sticky Situation
Even with the best intentions, friendship with an ex can get murky. Maybe you start regularly texting, or maybe you rely on them for moral support. Next thing you know, you are in a weird emotional limbo—not together, but still dependent on each other’s presence.
If you find yourself struggling to move forward or feeling anxiety about your new life, that’s a sign that the friendship isn’t working. Sometimes, the healthiest thing is to step away.
How a New Partner Changes Everything
What happens when a new partner enters the picture? Even if you and your ex are genuinely just close friends, your new relationship can change the dynamic.
Would you be okay with your new partner being close friends with their ex? If not, it’s worth considering how becoming friends with your ex might affect your future relationship. Don't expect your new man to accept this setup immediately. Remember, making space for your new relationship is essential.
Being Friends with Your Ex (cont.)
Social Media: A Blessing or a Curse?
One of the hardest parts of post-breakup life is deciding what to do about social media. Should you unfollow, block, or stay connected?
Seeing your ex move on can reopen old wounds, especially if they seem to be thriving while you are still healing from the breakup. If scrolling through their posts feels like rubbing salt in your wound, it might be time to mute or remove them for your own peace of mind.
Are You Really Just Friends, or Is There Still Romantic Tension?
Here’s a tough question—if your ex may call you late at night if you still have deep, intimate talks, or if you’d drop everything to help them, is this truly a platonic friendship?
It’s important to recognise when a friendship is actually a disguised romantic relationship. If there’s still romantic tension, then friendship might be doing more harm than good.
Should You Consider Therapy?
If your friendship is causing more emotional distress than happiness, talking to a professional might be a game-changer.
A therapist can help you navigate post-breakup feelings, offer insight on whether staying friends is healthy for you, and help you set boundaries. Sometimes, seeking help is the best step toward true healing.
Learning to Prioritise Yourself
Above all, priority number one is your well-being. Are you trying to be friends because it truly benefits you or because you don’t want to let go?
Focusing on yourself, your personal growth, and what makes you genuinely happy is crucial. You won’t regret choosing your own happiness over a friendship that drains you.
When It’s Time to Walk Away
In many cases, it’s okay to accept that being friends with your ex just isn’t working. It doesn’t mean you are bitter or immature. It just means you are choosing what’s best for you.
If your friendship with your ex is bringing more confusion than clarity, causing anxiety, or keeping you from fully moving on, then it’s okay to step away. Walking away from an ex doesn’t mean you are walking away from growth. It just means you are making space for something better.
Conclusion: Choosing What’s Best for You (and Your Kids)
As a single mum, I’ve learned that I need to prioritise myself and my child over a past relationship. If staying friends with an ex keeps me stuck in the past, then it’s not worth it.
Whether you choose to remain friends or not, what matters is that you are making the best decision for yourself. Your friendship should never come at the cost of your own well-being. So, take your time and remember—it’s okay to move on. Sometimes, the best friendship you can build after a breakup is the one you create with yourself.
