So, you’ve gone through a divorce. Welcome to the club no one really wants to join. But once you’re here, you might as well make the most of it, right? I'm here to show you there's life after divorce.
Being a single mum, especially after a marriage ends, can feel like you’ve been thrown into a riptide without a surfboard. But trust me, you’ll find your way back to shore. You might even discover that the water’s pretty nice once you get your bearings.
Let’s explore strategies you can take to heal, find your footing, move on with your life, and start anew. Here are some steps you can take to deal with painful emotions of this difficult experience and come out a new and better you.
10 Tips to Start Life After Divorce
Understand Your Emotions
Some days, it feels more like a haunted house with surprise jump scares, right? One moment, you’re feeling a wave of relief, ready to conquer the world on your own. Then, out of nowhere, you find yourself tearing up over an old photo or that strange coffee mug he insisted on keeping — why on earth did I ever agree to that?
One day, I found myself crying in the supermarket aisle because I saw his favourite cereal. It wasn’t even a particularly good cereal. To be honest, it tasted like cardboard. But there I was, holding the box like it was a lost treasure, filled with resentment. A lovely older lady walked by, saw my tears, and kindly said, “Darling, that’s not worth crying over,” which snapped me out of it. We had a laugh together, and it reminded me how unpredictable emotions can be after a divorce.
These emotional ups and downs are completely normal. You’re likely to go through the stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — though not necessarily in that neat, predictable order. It’s more like trying to fold a fitted sheet: you twist and turn, thinking you’ve got it sorted, only to realise it’s still a jumbled mess. But eventually, with patience (and maybe a bit of help), it starts to make sense.
The key is allowing yourself to feel the emotions without judging them. Give yourself time to heal. Cry when you need to... seriously, let it all out! It’s cathartic. Laugh when you can, even if it’s over something silly. Like, your life is so much better without that awful cereal in your cupboard.
Establish a Support System
Your emotional support system is like that Kit Kat you hide in the secret pocket of your favourite shoulder bag. These are the people who lift you up when you're down, who remind you of your strength when you’re doubting yourself, and who make you laugh when all you want to do is grieve for the end of your marriage.
It’s your best friend who knows exactly when to show up with a bottle of wine. It's your mum who always has the right advice (or at least a warm hug). Or it's even that lovely neighbour who never runs out of encouraging words (and warm biscuits). These are the people who will help you cope and get through your thoughts and feelings. There's nothing wrong about asking for help with emotional issues. Sometimes, all it takes is hearing a heartfelt “me too” from someone who truly understands what you’re going through to make you feel a little less isolated.
But here’s the thing: don’t be afraid to reach out for a little extra counsel and professional help. Therapists, support groups, and online communities are like adding extra layers to your favourite chocolate bar. They take something good and make it even better. Seeking professional support and legal advice can be invaluable in helping you navigate the murky waters of post-divorce life.
Focus on Self-Care
As a mum, you may find it difficult to look after yourself. But you’ve been through the wringer, so now it’s time to pamper yourself. Self-care isn’t just about indulging in bubble baths and chocolate (though, let’s be honest, those are non-negotiables). It’s about taking care of yourself in every way. Don't underestimate eating well, getting enough sleep, and moving your body, even if it’s just a quick stroll around the block. Exercise releases endorphins, which are basically nature’s way of giving you a high-five.
Aside from care of your physical health, your mental and emotional well-being are equally important. Don’t forget about the power of mindfulness and meditation. Even just five minutes of deep breathing can completely turn your day around and release the negative emotions. Self-care will help you create a better you and bounce back.
Rediscover Your Identity
Remember those things you loved before marriage, kids, and divorce turned your world upside down? Yeah, they’re still there, waiting for you like a long-lost friend. Try reconnecting with things you used to love or taking up a new hobby. Always wanted to learn to paint? Grab a canvas and sign up for that class. Miss getting lost in a good book? Dust off those novels that have been gathering dust on the shelf.
I remember when I finally picked up my old guitar after years of it sitting in the corner like a neglected houseplant. At first, I was all thumbs. But as I started strumming, it felt like reconnecting with an old friend who had way more patience than I deserved. It was rusty, and so was I, but it was also pure joy.
This is your chance to rediscover who you are outside of being someone’s partner or mum. You’re not just a mum taxiing kids around or the person who makes sure there’s always enough milk in the fridge. You’re still you, with passions and dreams waiting to be reignited.
Set new personal goals, even if they’re small at first. Embrace this opportunity for growth and adventure. You might just surprise yourself with what you’re capable of now that you have the time and space to explore it.
Don't feel guilty of trying out things you might enjoy.
Establish New Routines
Routines might sound boring, but right now, they’re your best friend. Divorce may feel chaotic, and routines can bring stability. Start with the small things: a morning coffee ritual, a weekly family movie night, or even a daily walk around the block.
These little routines give you something to look forward to and help create a sense of normalcy, especially when things feel overwhelming. They’re like little anchors in your day, keeping you grounded when life feels stormy. And the best part? They’re a sneaky way to fit in some self-care without you even realising it.
Explore New Relationships
Dating after divorce... wait, what? The mere thought might make you want to dive headfirst under the doona. I get it. The idea that you will meet other people can be downright terrifying. But here’s the thing: when you’re ready, finding a new love can be an exciting new chapter in your life.
Rather than rushing, take your time and space to grieve. Dip your toes in slowly if you need, or take a full-on running leap when the moment feels right.
When I first started thinking about dating again, I was convinced it was like trying to ride a bike after years of walking. I remember sitting in my car outside a café, trying to convince myself that going in for a date was a good idea. My inner dialogue was a mix of “You’ve got this!” and “Run while you can!” But once I finally walked in, I realised that the nerves were just part of the process, and they didn’t last forever.
When you meet new people, you’re not looking for someone to “complete” you. Just because your marriage ended in divorce or you're feeling lonely doesn't mean you're not whole. Instead, look for someone new who adds to your happiness, someone who complements the amazing person you already are, not someone who needs to be the sole source of it.
And don’t forget, it’s okay to have fun along the way. That's part of the healing process.
Manage Financial Changes
Post-divorce finances can be a real doozy and it can feel like another layer of betrayal. Suddenly, you’re facing a whole new budget and financial reality, and it’s not always pretty. You might even if doubt if you made the right decision because of the financial difficulties. But don’t worry; you’ve got this.
First things first, get a clear picture of your income and expenses. It can feel like facing a monster under the bed, but trust me, it’s better to know what you’re dealing with.
Create a budget that works for you, not against you. Think of it as your financial game plan. And if you find yourself a bit lost, don’t hesitate to talk to a financial advisor. They can be like your financial GPS, helping you navigate the twists and turns.
And hey, if you haven’t already, grab a copy of The Barefoot Investor by Scott Pape. It’s written by our fellow Aussie, and it’s full of down-to-earth advice that actually makes sense.
Set Boundaries with Your Ex-Partner
When co-parenting after divorce, can feel we’re tiptoeing through a minefield, but healthy boundaries are your secret weapon. They’re your map to smoother terrain. Amidst the upheaval, be crystal clear about what you need — whether it’s setting rules for communication or dividing parenting duties. Stick to your boundaries like glue, but stay flexible when it’s what’s best for the kids. Practice assertive communication if needed.
And here’s a little reminder: there's no need to be besties with your ex. You just need to be civil enough to co-parent effectively. Think of it like a business partnership — professional, polite, and all about getting the job done right. The goal isn’t friendship; it’s raising happy, well-adjusted kids.
Embrace Change and Move Forward
Change is hard, but it’s also a fact of life. The silver lining? You’re way stronger than you give yourself credit for. Come to terms with the new opportunities that come your way, whether it’s a new job, a new hobby, or even a fresh outlook on life. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, take this opportunity to build resilience and let go of things that may no longer serve you.
I remember when I first had to tackle home repairs on my own. I was staring at a leaky faucet like it was a puzzle I’d never seen before. At first, I panicked, thinking, “I’m not cut out for this!” But after a few YouTube videos and a lot of pep talks to myself, I got it fixed. It wasn’t perfect, but it worked, and I felt like a champion.
That’s the thing about challenges: they can seem daunting at first. But once you face them head-on, you realise they’re not as scary as they seem. Instead of seeing challenges as setbacks, start viewing them as opportunities to grow and learn. This little shift in mindset will help you move forward with confidence, and who knows, you might even find a bit of excitement along the way. Every challenge you conquer is just proof that you’re more capable than you ever imagined.
Prioritise Your Children’s Well-being
The people going through a divorce is not just you and your kids. Your kids are navigating this transition too, and they’re watching you closely. They’ll take their cues from how you handle things. Be there for them emotionally, offering support and understanding, but also give them the space they need to process everything in their own way. Open communication is key. Let them know it’s okay to talk about their feelings, but don’t push them if they’re not ready.
Co-parenting might not be a walk in the park, but it doesn’t have to be a nightmare either. First off, avoid casting blame - ever if you feel you can never forgive your kids' other parent. With a bit of patience and a lot of focus on your children’s needs, you can create a new, healthy family dynamic. It’s about finding a balance that works for everyone. And hey, while it might not always be easy, it’s worth it to see your kids thrive.
Conclusion: Life After Divorce
Contrary to how you feel at the moment, divorce isn’t the end of the world. Instead, it’s the start of an exciting new chapter. Yes, it’s scary, and yes, it’s tough, but it’s also your chance to create a life that truly brings you joy. Think of it as the blank page you’ve been handed to write a story that’s entirely your own.
There's no right or wrong to move on. Take it one day at a time, and remember, you don’t have to do it all at once. Surround yourself with strong support. Most importantly, don’t forget to find the humour in the little things. Laughter is your secret weapon, so use it generously.
I hope you find use of these practical tips to help you heal and come out stronger. This is your time to shine, to rediscover who you are, and to build a life that makes you truly happy. So take a deep breath, embrace what it's like after divorce, and remember — you’ve got this! The best is yet to come.
