If you have ever experienced the agony of frustration felt when traditional time-outs or lost privileges appear to not only intensify your child’s tantrum but make it worse, then know that you are definitely not alone. Traditional approaches to discipline do not always seem to translate very well to neurodivergent children.
Rather than providing corrections, these approaches lead to more distress." Furthermore, by moving towards 'evidence-based alternatives' such as positive behavioural support, we might work on emotional regulation rather than simply stopping a "bad" moment.
What “Punishment” Usually Means in Behaviour Management
In the world of parenting and schooling, the solution to any problem is thought to be punishment. A child’s "naughty tray" might be a quick lecture, no iPad, or a "time out" in the "naughty corner."
Regardless of the style, the end result is the same: to decrease an undesired behaviour by adding a consequence to it. But what if the child suffers from Autism or ADHD, and punishment is not the right tool to use on them? Punishment implies that a choice is made by the child intentionally, in a wilful manner, to "misbehave."
The point we need to understand, however, is that neurodivergent children might be asking us to do something to meet their needs as children would, due to difficulty in articulating what exactly the unmet need might be. The thing we can do when we punish, instead of actively educating the children to deal with situations differently in future, is to make them more anxious than they already are.
Why Punishment Isn’t Effective for Neurodivergent Children
Several decades of studies have proven that punitive measures are less effective on individuals with neurodevelopmental concerns. According to the NDIS Quality and Safeguards Commission, a high-quality support practice should be informed by human rights and evidence-based practice approaches instead of punitive practices.
Since the distinction between the two is that autism and ADHD are real differences that impact the way the child handles the world through their executive function and emotions, the child literally cannot "just sit still" or "stop shouting" using their own willpower. Data from Autism Spectrum Australia (Aspect) acknowledges that PBS is not particularly about punishment. It is about the environment.
According to studies, punishment may silence the child for a brief time out of fear, but it does not address the source of the trigger. Eventually, these strategies can lead to a negative parent-child interaction and undermine the child’s development of the skills these strategies were intended to support.
What Works Instead: Practical, Strength-Based Strategies
Understand the Function Behind the Behaviour
As a first step to make a change to a behaviour, it is essential to determine why the behaviour is occurring. We refer to this as a functional assessment. Does your child seek to get away from a loud room? Does your child seek a certain type of sensation? Could it be that your child has difficulty transitioning to another activity?
When we shift from "How do I punish this?" to "What is my child trying to tell me?" then we know what to do next.
Teach Emotional Regulation Skills
Instead of waiting for the crisis to occur, we can take the initiative in teaching our kids how to manage their "engine levels."
- Calm-down routines: Practice deep breathing or "grounding" when they are already happy and relaxed.
- Sensory tools: In some cases, a weighted lap pad or a pair of noise-cancelling headphones would be far more effective than trying to give verbal instructions.
- Visual aids: A "Zones of Regulation" chart assists kids in understanding what they're feeling (sad = blue, ready to go = green, out of control = red) before they get to that breaking point.
Positive Environment Adjustments and Predictability
In many cases, the best way to deal with your behaviour is to prevent the stressful situation from happening in the first place. Known routines and use of a visual schedule help control the 'anticipatory anxiety' that might be felt by many ADHD and autistic children. For instance, by giving your child a visual cue like 'time for dinner in five minutes,' you are effectively eliminating all possible environmental triggers for your child's behaviour.
Reinforcement of Skills Instead of Compliance
Reinforcement is the opposite of punishment; this is "catching them being good." Again, this's not in relation to giving them a treat when they comply with your order, but thriving when they apply the new skill they have been taught. If they use their words to ask for a break instead of tossing the toy, well done! Reinforcement helps build the child's confidence, and they will most definitely ask again in the future.
When to Seek Professional Support
Parenting is a marathon, and you don’t have to run it without a coach. If you've tried all the strategies suggested above and your child continues to experience difficulties with emotional control and/or behaviours of concern, seek the services of a positive behaviour support practitioner.
They can assist you with the development of a behaviour support plan that addresses skills and triggers, not punishments. These people don’t just "fix" the child. They work hand-in-hand with your entire family to completely redesign your home environment and develop a blueprint for your success.
According to the NDIS's guidelines on behaviour support, these professionals will "assist in the development of an understanding of the functions of behaviour and make attempts to address these functions in a way which reduces the need for any RPP." Is your child's behaviour causing social isolation or safety issues? A specialised strategy may be the solution to unlocking new possibilities for your child.
Final Takeaways for Parents
Being less punitive does not mean "giving in." Being less punitive means being more effective. We desire our children to become well-regulated, self-assured adults like the above example in the brief introduction. We achieve this by teaching, not by reprimanding. You can also go over these Smart strategies to discipline your children whilst co-parenting.
It takes an incredible amount of patience, along with a trial-and-error approach, to determine what works best in your unique individual child's profile. Keep in mind that by making that decision to create an atmosphere of understanding versus discipline, you are creating a foundation that will last much longer than the time-out episode.
