How to save your relationship after affair: Marriage counselling in Australia

Marriage Counselling In Australia

To forgive a partner for betrayal, two couples must start from scratch, forgetting about the insults. We will talk about how to revive the relationship after an affair. But first, let’s find out what are the reasons for betrayal in the marriage.

Reasons For Betrayal

Both are always to blame in a dual relationship. And if an affair happened in a relationship, then both partners may not be able to feel each other, listen to each other, they may not be able to talk and respect each other. In any case, betrayal is a mistake. And this happens when people do not agree with themselves: when thoughts, emotions, and the body are not in balance. Betrayal occurs when people are not attentive to themselves and relationships, when they have not been taught to share feelings and desires, and many do not even realise it. It’s all about the maturity of the individual, about mature love.

Why do loved ones betray? As strange as it sounds, any system, including family, is aimed at the development of this system. Therefore, we would like to single out two main reasons for adultery.


The first reason is to focus energy on ending the relationship. When there is no prospect of development in a relationship when the end of a partnership for a man and a woman is natural. If at least one partner wants to end the relationship, sooner or later it will end. Interestingly, such a person can be both a traitor and an offended person. If at least one partner in the family feels indifference, humiliation, a ban on development and self-expression, claims and demands, unwillingness to compromise – it is obvious – change is needed. And betrayal in this case as a catalyst for these changes, it helps partners to stop it.


The second reason for the emergence of the triangle in the system of partnerships is development, i.e. readiness for qualitative change when one stage is completed and the couple is ready for a new one. If the couple was able to build a mature relationship in which partners sincerely communicate and monitor both intra-personal changes and changes in goals, desires, vectors of movement of the couple – then a new stage comes in a balanced and harmonious way. And when the energy in the relationship is so accumulated for the new, and there is no awareness and realisation, then there is a third to whom this tension is poured.

How To Revive A Relationship After Betrayal?

Yes, you can regain trust in your partner after an affair. But in many cases, an affair leads to divorce and can completely destroy the relationship. So how to revive the relationship after the betrayal?

Betrayal is not something that needs to be tackled easily, in fact, you may need to find a psychologist to get through it. It is an act that destroys the trust of the partner, lowers their self-esteem, and harms their emotions. A healthy relationship should begin with a strong emotional connection. That’s why you need to take care of the relationship together so that it would be as strong as you deserve.

It is worth noting that 82% of couples who admitted infidelity said that it all started with someone who was “just a friend.” In most cases, betrayal is not an intentional act. That is why it is very important to have a strong relationship, where the emotional connection between partners is highly valued and constantly strengthened.

If there is betrayal, it is important that the partner admits his infidelity. The betrayer, on the other hand, must ask himself:

  • How do I feel?
  • Is it wrong if I try to rebuild a relationship?
  • Would it be better to end the relationship?
  • Is this the first case of infidelity?

We must also take into account the possibility that if the relationship is maintained, it will never be the same.

Does The Opinion Of Others Matter?

Opinions of others

It is usually very convenient to communicate with other people who may know a little more about how to revive a relationship after betrayal. It is up to you to decide whether to take into account the views of others on the development of your relationship.

One of the problems with infidelity is how the truth is revealed. This will help you decide how to move forward and what is important to you in the future.

Remember that most people get involved in someone else’s business with the intention of helping. This creates inconvenience or gives the impression that your problems are the only ones these people live by. Analyse the situation over time. You will find that it may not be necessary to go in the wrong direction.

Express Your Feelings

Talk to your partner when you are ready. You need to talk about what hurts you, as well as what your partner needs to do to restore your trust. Give your spouse reasons why they should be relying on you again.

In these situations, it is important to express your feelings through words, not gestures or physical actions. If you feel that you can’t be in healthy physical contact with a partner, it is better to keep your distance.

Even if you feel angry and powerless, fighting or any other type of violence will not help you achieve anything. Even if you are wrong and deserve it, insulting your partner is not the right thing to do. It won’t make you feel better. On the contrary, you inflict unnecessary insults.

It Is Important To Listen

This will allow you to find out from your partner what exactly he is missing in your relationship, as well as whether they consider it necessary to restore them and take them to a new level. If only you want to fight for your relationship, such a relationship is doomed.

If your partner doesn’t want to continue the relationship, it’s a good time to talk and put an end to it. Remember, this is a conversation about your feelings. This is not the time to complain. Listen carefully and reflect on what you did not give your partner that was so necessary.

In some cases, betrayal occurs because one of the partners feels rejected and unable to communicate. It may also be that he is not satisfied with the relationship. It takes an honest conversation to understand and accept your partner’s feelings. Remember that your partner’s feelings are real and important, even if they are different from yours.

If you really can’t deal with them or don’t think they are important, it’s time to end that relationship.

Time To Be Responsible

Time to be responsible

It is necessary for two in a pair to be responsible for their mistakes; no one will turn back time and destroy the fact of the affair. It is worth thinking about the right and wrong actions in a relationship.  This will allow you to improve your future behaviour and make the right decisions.

It’s Time To Move Forward

If it is very difficult for you and your partner to get through the situation, it is better to turn to a specialist who will help you improve the relationship.

This happens more often when there is an external factor that further complicates the relationship. It is very important to stop communicating with the person with whom you betrayed your partner. Otherwise, it will be difficult to regain the trust of a partner.

It Is Important To Set “Rules”

Come to a mutual agreement, very carefully determining what you expect from the other person. Think about how to reanimate the relationship. It is very important to take into account all the aspects. If you leave something to chance, there may be problems in the future, as well as misunderstandings that will make it impossible to heal emotional wounds.

We will also add that it is worth loving yourself. Don’t take responsibility for problems that aren’t your fault and keep moving. You will not be able to overcome the situation without being who you really are and without moving forward.

To Sum Up

Going through betrayal is extremely hard and it will be up to you if you even want to start this journey. To make this decision you would need to think of a few things – if you really care about your relationship and each other, and if the one who had an affair is truly sorry for it. If yes, then there is still a chance for your relationship to work out.

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