Congratulations! You have decided you are ready to get out there, to date again, maybe even to love again but where to start?
You are probably wondering …
Should I go to bars?
But who will look after the kids? Drinking ruins my health kick (that I start every Monday religiously) and I have so little “me time” that I’d rather spend that time catching up with my existing friends and family that I’m grossly neglecting!
But how awkward going to all that effort only to feel desperate and realise “Mr perfect” has bad breath and now I have two people to subtly break the news to. My best friend and her colleague. Eek!
Fantastic … a human sushi train filled with rejection for the entree, cringing for the main and the longest five minutes of my life for dessert … no thanks!
Which app do I choose? Am I a “Bumble” Bumble-bee? Perhaps a “Tinder” Tinder-ella? Or shall I get un-Hinged on “Hinge”? Feeling my heart rate racing already … and not in the good way!
Do I need to vision board my dream man into my life? As much as I would love to dedicate a year to being Julia Roberts in the movie “Eat-Pray-Love”, being a single mum is more like being the leading lady in a 24 hour action film called “Clean-Play-Fark (my life)” even though I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Cynical jokes (from someone who truly gets it) aside, I have some good news and tips if you’re ready to date again.
I WANT TO DATE AGAIN BUT WHERE THE HELL DO I START?
1. START WITH YOU
Design your 10/10 day. Be realistic with a sprinkling of inspirational then action that plan in the MOST social way available. Add stuff from your bucket list.
For example, if you power walk solo for exercise, start doing it in a group a few times a week. If you enjoy business but mainly watch webinars start going to networking events (many are on Zoom now so a great opportunity if you have young kids.) If you love self-help books, start going to motivational seminars!
Mathematically, the bigger your network is, the higher the chance of a “spark” (and with someone who shares similar interests) all whilst doing the things that bring you closer to your goals.
2. BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER
When you meet amazing couples or people, rather than thinking “all the good ones are taken” or “why not me”, instead nurture genuine friendships on your mission to date again.
Be proactive and invite them over for a barbecue and encourage them to bring friends as you never know who they know. Plus, according to Oprah, “you become like the five people you spend the most time with” and you will be connecting with amazing people.
Find or create meet ups for other single parents with kids of a similar age so you can be a support network for each other and who knows, possibly even more!
3. GET ONLINE – LET GO OF “HOW” YOU MEET THEM
It amazes me how people are so resistant to “meeting someone online” when the reality is that it honestly does not matter where you meet. It matters that you meet.
Let’s think logistics: Single parents are busy so online is convenient. And other single parents, career types and busy people who don’t know where to start are on also there (and probably hate the idea as much as you!). It’s a brilliant tool if you are ready to date again.
Love is our deepest human need; you are not alone. Have fun! See it as networking and making new friends. And use virtual dating to screen people via a friendly intro call before wasting your time on awkward and time consuming first dates.
Here is the perfect profile formula.
- Two recent photos. One ultra-natural and one being the best version of you smiling (new mummy’s that might mean having your first shower in a week.)
- Start with an attention grabbing headline like “prepared to lie about where we met”. Use humour and be authentic and quirky.
- Then describe a typical day in your life including plenty of conversation starters and unique details about you! A profile should make a quick first impression of you, spark interest and start a conversation, it should not be an essay. Less is more and be real. For example:
A little about me: A typical day in my life would start with a walk in nature, running my home business by day and ending my day with a delicious home cooked dinner with a glass of organic red before quality family time and reading anything to do with science – yes I am a self-professed foodie and geek!
4. SELF LOVE BEFORE YOU EVEN START TO DATE AGAIN
The relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship.
Sit down and ask yourself “would I date me”?
Under the headings of looks, qualities and lifestyle list the top 5 reasons why and the top 5 why not. Everyday get grateful for the reasons why and work on the reasons why not (always with self-kindness and compassion).
And always remember, there are as many pro’s and con’s to being single as there are being in a relationship. So, enjoy every fabulous moment of exactly where you are at whilst having fun attracting the next fabulous chapter!
Yours in self-love and soulmates,