It’s a known fact that there’s a stigma around sex toys, just as there can be a stigma around being single.
Especially with the holidays coming up, being single can be exhausting, especially when you’re subject to intrusive questions and input from well-meaning friends. No, I really don’t want you to set me up with Greg from accounting.
Being single is the perfect time to experiment with sex toys, right? You’ve got free time, you only have your own pleasure to worry about, and with less money spent on date nights, there’s some extra cash lying around to invest in a great new toy.
So why do we sometimes feel as though people might judge us if they knew we were spending Friday night at home with our new vibrator?
Where does this stigma around sex toys come from?
For many, the stigma around sex toys comes from an inherent shameful attitude towards sex. Let’s not forget that for a long time, sex was not celebrated in pop culture in the way that it is now.
“Sex positivity” is a new phenomenon, especially for women. Being able to be comfortable in your own sexuality, and be able to openly enjoy sex and pleasure is a fairly recently-won privilege and one that is still not afforded to everyone.
Whether the influences are religious, personal, or cultural, some still see sex and pleasure as taboo subjects: something to be hidden, kept private, or brushed under the carpet until it’s too late – like climate change or a bad haircut. But this kind of attitude serves nobody: the joy of pleasure is universal, and whether it be achieved through sex with a long-term partner or with a new vibrator, nobody has the right to shame you for it.
What are sex toys for?
It’s also important to point out that sex toys serve numerous purposes, more than simply offering us pleasure.
Many use sex toys for a number of reasons related to their health, their mobility, and their sexuality – for example, those who have difficulty in reaching orgasm, those with mobility problems, and those whose libidos are impacted by various medications or health conditions:
Can’t orgasm from sex?
Did you know that only 18.4% of heterosexual, cis-gendered women can orgasm from penetrative sex alone?
Not only did women have to fight for the right to be sexual beings, but the right to orgasm is also still a battle being fought! The “orgasm gap” stems again from shame around discussing sex, with misleading pornography also playing a role.
Here’s where sex toys come in: when women can take control of their own pleasure, everybody’s sex lives improve. Sex toys can enhance the penetrative experience, relieve pressure, and help close the orgasm gap, allowing both parties to get the most out of their intimacy.
Certain medications can play havoc with our libidos and sex drives. Certain recurring prescriptions, such as antidepressants or birth control pills, can even sometimes impact our ability to orgasm.
Sex toys help with this, as the best stimulators and vibrators can offer power that our fingers or other body parts just can’t compete with. Finger cramp, right? Certain sex toys are also great for those with mobility issues: hands-free vibrators and thrusting vibrators can help those with disabilities enjoy their sexuality without being impeded by problems with movement.
But, where to begin?
With all that being said, where to start with sex toys?
A great way to incorporate sex toys into your life is to experiment with a vibrator. If you have a vagina and you’re used to penetrative sex, a G-spot vibrator such as the Arc G-Spot vibrator by Dame won’t feel too unfamiliar and will allow you to take control and discover how you like to be pleasured. If you love clitoral stimulation or oral sex, you’ll love clit vibrators and suction vibrators such as the Satisfyer Pro 2.
There are many types of vibrators, and you should experiment with all of them if you get the chance!
Why being single is the best time to experiment with sex toys
Those of us who love intimacy, sex, and the endorphins-rush of orgasm can really struggle during periods of singledom. Even if we know that we could meet someone and enjoy a frivolous one-night-stand, not all of us are made for the fleeting experience. And even if we are, sometimes these experiences can be more disappointing than having stayed at home watching Hell’s Kitchen. Would I prefer a lousy experience with a selfish partner who ignored my needs or would I prefer to watch Gordon Ramsay scream at someone over a badly scrambled egg?
For this reason, sex toys are great for single life. With you in control, you can give yourself endless orgasms, without worrying that you’re taking too long, or that you don’t like X or Y position. When it comes to romantic dry patches, the best vibrators become your best friends.
So, being single is definitely the best time to experiment with some sex toys. This is especially true if you feel nervous about welcoming them into your bedroom (or shower, or bath), as it’s much easier to incorporate sex toys into your single life than introduce them later on in a relationship.
It’s also a great boundary to set with new potential partners: let them know from the outset that sex toys will be a part of your sex life. Not only does this reinforce that your pleasure is important, it also lets you weed out certain partners, and this rings true especially for cis, heterosexual women. With the stigma around sex toys very much alive, some men will find the idea of women using vibrators to be emasculating or will feel “replaced” by the sex toy. Always try to communicate with a potential partner if need be, but anyone who firmly puts their own sensitivity above your ability to enjoy intimacy is probably not someone you want to stick around with.
Using sex toys is a normal part of any healthy sex life, and being single is the perfect time to try out some of the best vibrators on the market.
You shouldn’t consider your “sex life” as something that only exists when you’re in a relationship: your sex life exists when you’re single, too. Use your time alone to prioritise your pleasure, and allow your single sex life to flourish with some great toys.