This topic contains 13 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Anonymous 4 days, 11 hours ago.
- November 29, 2019 at 9:01 pm #21304
What made you decide to leave. I’ve read it can take a single Mum a few times to finally leave their husbands. So wondering what made you make that final decision to go? Thanks
- December 1, 2019 at 2:53 pm #21333
Thanks for posting on the Forum. We have had some technical issues and ladies have been able to post but not respond .. it is all fixed now, so you can look forward to getting some support.
- December 1, 2019 at 6:57 pm #21349
It became unbearable.
- December 1, 2019 at 6:57 pm #21350
And was affecting the kids
- December 2, 2019 at 10:45 am #21395
When I felt unhappy each and every day and beginning to feel depressed.
- December 2, 2019 at 10:03 pm #21423
Yes, I’m feeling depressed every day but the worst thing is it’s affecting my 5 year old. I feel like he’s lost confidence in his last 2 terms of Kindy because of his father’S put downs. Just tonight he said ‘quit your fake crying, you’re like a 2 year old, stop your stupid baby talk, toughen up mate, you’re ruining everyone’s life’. He also called him a soft cock and princess because he wanted another cuddle from me! This is all at bedtime within 15 minutes he’s said all of this to him. He does this most nights. I stick up for my son but it’s not enough anymore 😢
- December 2, 2019 at 11:08 pm #21429
The more of these posts I read the more it feels like everyone is in a relationship with my ex!
Firstly, big hugs. Tried to respond the other day, but there were issues.
My tipping point – Things were awful for over 18mths then deteriorated very quickly over 4-6wks. He physically assaulted me. Three times in the space of a month. It was all extremely painful, but covert. He never belted me or gave me a black eye. He crushed my hand to the point I got a tissue injury. He pulled me around by my hair. He pinned me down.
I knew I had to leave the day he hit me in the head with an object I didn’t leave though. I was discretely talking to Police, Dr, sorting out the legal side of things, and getting my ducks in a row, when he cracked it yet again and walked out. I don’t think in a million years he expected that I’d never let him back in. Worst of all he got away with everything, claiming I was upset he wanted to leave me and hurt myself to spite him.
Your son deserves better, and your partner is using him to hurt you further, because every time he says something awful to him, he is attacking what is precious to you.
Leaving isn’t easy, and things are very likely to get worse before they get better. But I think you know this isn’t a healthy way to live.
Talk to some professional DV people first though, as it is important to be prepared and have a plan. I found Evernote app is great for scanning documents etc. Do everything. Even the most mundane things like house titles, insurance papers, rego etc (get the VIN of your cars). Birth certs for all of you. Note down identifying marks etc. Keep cash on you where possible, and a phone powerbank in your bag. Even if you decide to stay. It’s a good habit to get into.
It sounds really over the top given your question, but my ex has pulled some really bizarre shit and I’m grateful I had copied everything.
- December 4, 2019 at 1:31 am #21480
I agree, have important documents ready and have a plan for moving out before actually doing it. Even if it takes you a long time, being prepared will take a load off your mind when the time finally comes.
- December 4, 2019 at 11:13 pm #21506
Yes, I think you’re right that he’s using my son to hurt me. I’ve been to a Dr a couple of times now and told him about my partner and his Mum. This Dr specialises in anxiety and he actually listened to me like a Psychologist would. He said everything I felt – that there’s 2 against 1 (partner and his Mum) and I’ve basically been booted out of my parenting role, as if I’m not needed! It’s sooo good to be understood!! He thinks I should tell my mil she’s not allowed to step foot in our house anymore because our relationship is suffering due to her controlling ways. There’s no way my partner would allow me to block his Mum though and I already know I want to leave him anyway! Our finances are separate anyway but that’s a great idea to download documents.
- December 4, 2019 at 11:15 pm #21507
And yes, I’ve been preparing things by writing down costs to buy furniture and appliances and ordering some things online.
- December 5, 2019 at 9:10 am #21516
In regards to furniture and appliances, you may be eligible for a no interest loan through Good Shepherd microfinance. Search NILS loans in your state.
Also speak to your bank in regards to your eligibility for their DV package. They have an independent counsellor to assess you. It can help you establish your new home.
Make sure you have copies of all the most recent bills, rates, rego, insurance etc. Is your name on any of them or do you have permission to enquire? My ex did things like cancel my insurance without telling me (because it was paid from his account), so maybe start looking into taking control of stuff like that.
When copying documents etc I also copied all the ex’s baby pics, birth cert too so our child would have them in future.
Take some originals and go get certified copies made whilst you have the opportunity. Put your photos on a usb and keep in your desk at work, or post to a friend.
- December 5, 2019 at 10:36 pm #21537
Ok thanks for that information. My name isn’t on anything, except as an extra on his car insurance. Oh, and we have family private health so I would cancel it and take out my own for myself and the kids if I can afford it! I’ve got the kids’ birth certificates and all their health information in my filing cabinet, as well as most other important documents. That filing cabinet will be the first thing I move 😂. I’m actually more scared of my mil when I leave. I have a bad feeling she’s going to try and ruin me with custody of the kids, financially and mentally. She keeps saying to me and also my Mum when I’m not around ‘she can’t afford to live in that house on her own with 3 kids’ 😡
- December 6, 2019 at 10:17 am #21547
don’t worry about your mil and in terms of custody, she can do much unless your ex will be the one to act on it. there will rough roads ahead before it clears out just be ready and you can do this!
- December 6, 2019 at 3:36 pm #21554
Ok but don’t rely on being able to take the cabinet. Make copies as well.
Plan as if you’d have to leave in an emergency situation such as a bushfire (with my deepest empathy for anyone that’s had to do that). Think about what would go in a backpack and prioritise that. Everything else is a bonus.
You can usually take docs to the library and bulk scan to an usb stick.