This topic contains 16 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by Anonymous 1 week, 5 days ago.
- October 31, 2019 at 9:10 pm #19864
I left my ex six months ago. He was extremely violent and aggressive towards myself and my kids, which is why I left him. He bashed me, he threatened to hurt my kids, threatened to kill the dog in front of the kids, he was constantly swearing and yelling and he was an alcoholic and he drank five nights a week. That is just a quick run down of things he was doing. The police and family support workers are aware of his violent behaviours as he has a record and has been locked up in the past. I had to call the police several times when we were together. I had to get my kids out of the situation which is why I asked him to leave. His behaviours became worse once I kicked him out, he stalked me, threatened me and broke into my house. The police took out a family violence intervention order on my behalf. He has breached the order several times in the last few months. He constantly demanded that I drop the order against him, or else if I didn’t drop it, he said he would take out an order against me. I didn’t drop the order. This afternoon I recieved papers summoning me to court. He is applying for an intervention order against me. He has written that I have been abusive to him by keeping the keeping the kids from him, displacing him from the family home, and I’ve put stress on his employer because I won’t let him see the kids when he chooses. This is not true, i tried to organise regular visits for him and the kids each week however he only wanted contact with the kids when it suited him. He only msgs once a fortnight to see his kids, this is his own choice. He also said I called him names in public which is a lie, I did not do that. I have to go to court to contest this restraining order that he is trying to put in place against me. What are the chances that this order will be granted? Any other mums had this happen? What was the outcome? I do have a lawyer and I am waiting for me mediation case in a month time, however my lawyer can’t stop this order, it’s up to the judge on the day apparently. Tia
- October 31, 2019 at 9:22 pm #19866
Sending you hugs and support. Hope you get through this snd his complaint is ignored. If you have previous evidence if his bad behaviour from police/support workers etc any decent judge should be able to see right through his complaint and see it as him trying to manipulate you. Stay strong, sending best wishes.
- October 31, 2019 at 9:22 pm #19867
He can’t put an order on you unless he have real evidence of what is saying and his reasons for the order are true. If, like you say, they are not, he will have no evidence and is just wasting everyone’s time and money. A pain and stressful for you but if he has no evidence you’ll be fine.
- October 31, 2019 at 9:26 pm #19870
I find it incredible that this can even get to court!!!
- October 31, 2019 at 9:26 pm #19871
I find it incredible that this can even get to court!!!
- October 31, 2019 at 9:58 pm #19875
Thank you everyone who has answered so far. He has no evidence of anything he is claiming. I am still very worried about this though, I don’t know if most orders like this get granted or not.
- October 31, 2019 at 10:40 pm #19880
sorry to hear what you are going through you have records of his violence and if he files restraining order against you it only means that he doesn’t want you to be near him well that’s what I know about restraining orders if that is the case I think it would be better as well right.
- November 1, 2019 at 3:18 am #19885
Sending you hugs and support, mum. I understand the anxiety, but like the others said evidence is needed for the judge to approve the order. Try to have some alone time to relax and process this if you can. All the very best to you.
- November 1, 2019 at 2:08 pm #19932
I’ve just got a second intervention order on my ex yesterday. the police applied for it on my behalf as he was constantly texting me (which I ignored), so he upped his game to writing nasty untrue posts about me on social media. In the past he has been extremely violent towards me (he has a criminal conviction for punching me in the face) and in all honestly I want nothing to do with him as I have had years of abuse from him and his crazy family.
He agreed to it (just part of his games) and applied for one that day and it really is pathetic what he wrote in the application as like yourself I am contesting it as if i don’t he will continue telling everyone including complete strangers on fb that i’m an evil narcissistic bitch and that he had to get an intervention order out on me. Likes to play the victim.
He didn’t get an interim order in place as like you there is no safety issue. just the games him and his family play. Personally i think the judge could see through him especially when court security had to go up to him and tell him to calm down.
so i have court in a months time to fight it and i’m getting legal advice about it next week. so i’m in the same boat as you atm.
- November 1, 2019 at 6:42 pm #19948
It sounds like he is doing this just to cause stress and any judge with half a brain will see through it. I am so sorry you are going through this. I advise you to call 1800 Respect to talk this through with them.
My top tip would be to document everything in an excel spreadsheet or even just in a paper notebook. Every time you try to organise him to see his kids make a note of it. Get everything you can in writing (e.g. text messages) rather than phone calls. Have an adult witness if you have to meet him face to face etc. that way when he pulls his stunts you have a documented record or what actually happened and when.
All the best
- November 1, 2019 at 9:07 pm #19965
I am currently going through family court at the moment where my abuser (have no contact orders, going through court with breaches that he is pleading not guilty, he has long police history, alcoholic, mental health issues etc) has claimed in his affidavit that I am a financial, emotional and physical abuser. Maintained that stance with family consultant which hasn’t seemed to do him any good. By going through counselling, speaking to court DV liaison officer and the like I am learning this type of behaviour is run of the mill for abusers and the court system sees through these guys pretty quickly. It’s beyond horrible to go through, it’s actually just further abuse. Stay strong lovely.
- November 1, 2019 at 9:18 pm #19968
Thank you to everyone who has replied. This really is a bad situation to be in and it does feel like he is doing this to hurt me as he can’t get to me any other way. It’s sad to hear that other men have done this to their ex partners too. Thanks to everyone For your support and sharing stories about similar situations, I do hope the court will see through what he is doing.
- November 2, 2019 at 9:36 pm #20002
If I were you I would take copies of letters from your social worker supporting your case of DV, as well as a copy of the police imposed order- write an affidavit of against him in regards to DV and point out that he is applying for this order against you out of spite include that this is causing you additional stress and that he is bullying you. I’m finding it hard to understand why your lawyer can’t help or advise you on this matter, if you get the wrong judge on the day who doesn’t look at his back ground with you lord have mercy please do your research and start putting things in place that can help work in your favor and protect yourself from him. He lucky to even have access to your kids considering all you’ve been thru. You need to be smarter than him, he’s acting out cause he’s not in control of you anymore. I wish you all the best, please look after yourself.
- November 3, 2019 at 9:29 am #20009
I’m putting my trust in the fact that the court will look after you. All the best.
- November 4, 2019 at 10:43 am #20084
Stay strong and lets us hope that the court will see this through. I agree with the advice above for you to note down and screenshot everything keep all the letters in an envelope and all proofs if you have had a medico-legal report when he hurt you that would be great as well if you can also obtain a copy of his police reports include everything that can be proof of his bad behavior, and show it to the judge as proof. Good luck hun you can do this.
- November 6, 2019 at 2:52 pm #20219
I’m not sure what your lawyer has told you but I went and got legal advice today in relation to the one my ex is trying to put on me after getting one on him. Was told had 3 options:
1. Accept order (which lawyer didn’t recommend)
2. Accept an undertaking (similar to an order but not as strict – which lawyer didn’t recommend)
3. Contest the order (lawyer recommend this in my case as my ex has nothing just lies).
He also mentioned a strike out (judge throwing his application out) but was told that would be unlikely since his application was very vague and judges can’t be seen to not having evidence just in case there is an actual danger to the applicant which clearly there isn’t. My lawyer is actually going to ask for more evidence on my ex part which will most likely result in another hearing (full day) which sucks for me as unlike my ex, I actually work and look after my children. He said unfortunately it is clear this is just out of spite, it still has to go through the system. Just collect any evidence to backup your case and hopefully the judge in both our cases can see what our spiteful ex’s are doing.
- November 6, 2019 at 3:21 pm #20221
Thank you very much to everyone who answered and thank u to the last person who wrote that information about the options. Good luck to you as well it’s a horrible situation and it really is a form of abuse. I am seeing my lawyer tomorrow. I have a large amount of evidence to disprove all the lies my ex has written. I have collected all the evidence I can from police reports, text messages , witnesses and hospital reports. My ex is just doing this to hurt me as he can’t get to me any other way.