I am a 35yo first-time single mum and have moved states for some family support during this time. I have never lived in this state and was really hoping to make some nice friends through mothers group.
I suffer from depression and anxiety as well as ADHD (it’s all connected apparently) and I am currently seeking help for all this. I have just started on anxiety medication last week and I feel it’s starting to take the edge off but not much yet.
I am really struggling to make friends here and I feel my mothers group has now shunned me (all except for 1 mother but I am so hurt and feeling rejected that I’m just waiting for it to happen 🙁 …) They all catch up all the time and go to the park together (minus the 1 mum who is still my friend as she is often busy with her other kids too).. I have said on multiple occasions, ‘hey next time you go to the park, let me know, my bub and I would love to go, or if anyone wants to catch up for coffee etc’ but they don’t ever invite me and then I see a photo or hear about it.. I’m so hurt and I feel that they haven’t really given me a fair chance… I don’t blame them though because sometimes I get so anxious that I say stupid awkward things but trust me, I live with the anxiety after and if someone said stuff like I say to me, it wouldn’t even phase me or I wouldn’t even bat an eyelid (I mean jokes/comments, I’m just not very good at chatting and stress so much so I don’t even know if this IS the issue!)… It’s a lot of pressure on me to make new friends and I always seem to bungle it up somehow.
I was invited to 1 of the ladies sons 1st birthday and recently the party was cancelled through facebook. I have messaged her and offered my support if she is going through a rough time because there was no explanation for the cancellation. She has ignored my message for days! Not even opened it to read it and this is a woman who is online all the time…. (and has been lots since) Now I’m starting to think I’ve been uninvited… I’m so devastated.
If anyone has any advice for me on how to make new friends/get past this constant hurt and rejection I would be greatly appreciative… I don’t understand why this happens…. I have lots of very close friends from where I grew up but I left there over 10 years ago, I struggled to make friends at my next place and now again here (I’ve had the social anxiety since my first move). My close friends love me and I love them! They are wonderful and super supportive! They even organised an interstate surprise baby shower and all flew in and hired an apartment! I don’t know what I’d do without them… Please help me relax/say and do the right things to make new friends…. It’s really taking its toll on my mental health…
It is so much harder to make friends later in life. I would just focus on the fact that you have wonderful friends even if they are far away and ignore the ladies who make you feel bad. Give it time and I am sure you will find your tribe.
The right friends shouldn’t be an effort and leave you worrying about what is right and wrong to say. It sounds like these people are not the right people for you. Friendships should be easy and not hard.
Agree with the last message – these local mums sound like hard work and friendships should flow easily. I would hang back and wait until someone you really relate to comes along. And in the meantime stay in touch with your other friends as much as possible over FaceTime etc.
You shouldn’t have to do the right thing to make friends. It’s the same as meeting a guy. Unless you can be yourself its all too much effort. You will know when the right friends come into your world as they won’t make you feel annxious and second guess yourself.
Very much agree with all the comments peeps have made here. They aint good enough for you lovely. Value yourself more and stick with your own brilliant company until friends worthy of you come into your life.