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    • #66011 Reply
      AvatarAnonymous
      Guest

      I’m reposting this as my original post didn’t contain clear info about the situation

      My partner and I have decided to separate due to issues his end. We have a 5 month old together and I will move home (interstate) as I have no family or support here where we currently live. My partner is somewhat OK with this as he knows that I wouldn’t be able to stay here. My partner also has kids where we are now and they go to school here so no chance of him moving closer to where my support is. Has anyone experienced this? I’ve read some articles on here about the legal side and logistics however for the emotional side of it, I feel really guilty making this move but I know it’s best for my mental health and my child’s future (happy mum and great family environment). Has anyone felt this guilt and how did you manage it? Ive never had to make such a tough decision

    • #66013 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      I made a move like this and ended up moving back. As our kids got older they questioned the move and why they didn’t live closer to their dad. I also didn’t get the happiness I thought I would get from the move. This is my situation though, we are all different.

      • #66021 Reply
        AvatarAnonymous
        Guest

        Thanks for that, how old were your kids when you moved and how old when they questioned things? I understand each scenario can be different

    • #66018 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      Yes, I moved country from my ex. It wasn’t an issue at all because he didn’t want anything to do with them and was a toxic presence in our lives. It depends on your circumstances and the relationship between your child and his dad as to the emotional toll it will take on you and the child.

    • #66025 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      Following, also followed other post as would love to do this.

    • #66034 Reply
      AvatarAnonymous
      Guest

      I think given your child is only 5mths old, and her father is ok with it, that you should take the plunge. If it doesn’t work out, you could always move back…however if you stay due to doubt you’ll likely continue to have doubts due to staying. You deserve a shot at a new start, and if it turns out to be great then that can only be a good thing for your child – kids need their primary carer to be happy

      • #66054 Reply
        AvatarAnonymous
        Guest

        Thank you for writing this response, this is exactly how I feel. I also think I can facilitate a good visitation schedule and nurture my ex-partner and baby’s relationship. I want my baby to grow up with two happy, kind parents even though we are apart

    • #66060 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      I think only you know how much guilt you feel.

      • #66064 Reply
        AvatarAnonymous
        Guest

        Thank you. I was more after coping strategies

    • #66062 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      My overwhelming feeling is that ensuring your child has both parents in the picture is top priority. If you can manage this from afar then go for it.

      • #66063 Reply
        AvatarAnonymous
        Guest

        Yeah agree, thank you for commenting

    • #66065 Reply
      AvatarAnonymous
      Guest

      You have a really mature approach to this difficult situation and the fact you want to have a healthy co parenting relationship with your babies father is a great start. Children need love and they need parents who respect each other. If you and your ex can continue to respect each other and out your daughter first, it won’t matter what state you are in. My children still talk to their father daily on the phone between visits (they are in the same state) and see each other regularly, but technology today means they are still involved in each other’s lives on a daily basis.

      I wish you all the best. It sounds like you have a great attitude and I think that will take you far. What a great role model for your daughter!

      • #66140 Reply
        AvatarAnonymous
        Guest

        Thank you 🙏

    • #66066 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      F

    • #66082 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      I’m feeling that you are searching for justification for your move which shows you already feel worried and guilty. Will this take over in the long run? Will the move really help your mental state if you have this hanging over you. You will need to weigh it up. But if you don’t do it you will never know.

      • #66141 Reply
        AvatarAnonymous
        Guest

        Thank you for responding. I don’t feel I need justification but more that I’m seeking
        coping strategies for the various emotions I feel right now (one being guilt). I’m confident my decision is right for my daughter and but it was a very difficult decision to make for obvious reasons

    • #66415 Reply
      AvatarAnonymous
      Guest

      As others have said, if he is ok with it and you feel its the right move then go with that.
      Is he going to come and visit? Have you discussed what the mutual obligations will be with access? How helpful will family be if you do move back – sometimes we can idealise how much help we would get and its not actually there. Some things to think about.
      I went through a very traumatic and expensive legal process to be able to relocate interstate so I could have support from my family, the father didn’t agree even though where we lived didn’t have any ties except his gf. In the end I won and the father relocated too due to job loss but it sounds like in your situation that its amicable so that’s great. You can always move back.
      If you delay moving and then he changes his mind about agreeing to the move then it can become very complicated. Once you move and settle it becomes very difficult for him legally to get you to move back. Good luck with the decision, let us know how you go.

    • #66552 Reply
      AvatarAnonymous
      Guest

      I had a long term partner, we shared a two yr old, we actively tried to conceive baby number 2 and he walked out unexpectedly when I was about 8 weeks pregnant (most likely having an affair). I was completely blindsided by his actions and it caused massive changes in my life (I couldn’t keep our home, I am due to give up my work when I go on maternity leave, his family were my only support in the city we lived). I decided to relocate interstate (to where we started our relationship and where all my friends and family live) so I would have support for when baby arrives. My ex is somewhat OK with it too – i.e. he doesn’t like it but he won’t fight me on it. I understand the guilt and emotional part you’re feeling. For me, moving back home was not what I wanted (I was happy where I was, I had a family, great home, routine etc.) but when I was put in the position where he walked out on me whilst pregnant, it didn’t leave me with many other options that were good for me. If I stayed, I felt like I was drowning and had no hope to the future, no family/friends and the prospect of maternity leave was very daunting and isolating. Moving was the best option for my mental health in a very shitty situation caused by someone else. Unfortunately it does have impacts to my ex’s relationship with our daughter and unborn baby and also his parents and our kids too. I consulted a child psychologist, my GP and own psychologist before making the decision to move. They all said the same thing – as primary carer of the kids, what was best for me was what was best my kids. Ultimately I am at high risk of postnatal depression due to the relationship breakdown and subsequent adjustments and it is better for my daughter and baby that I have support and help to cope (because young kids are hard work – add on top sleep deprivation, hormones, postpartum recovery etc. and then the emotional turmoil from the separation on top of that). It won’t be good for my kids if I’m at emotional breaking point all the time or can’t get out of bed and function. They said there are many Dads in the armed services or who work FIFO that have great relationships with their kids – the practicalities are just a bit harder, it can be more expensive with travel and more effort is required from both parties. Understanding this and backing my decision has has helped me cope a bit better with the guilt and uncertainty I’ve been feeling. I think as a newly single parent, it’s hard to back yourself initially and it’s an adjustment to take full responsibility for the decisions you make for you and your kids anyway… so it’s natural to second guess yourself alot at the start. At the end of the day you need to do what’s best for you and you can only try to do the best you can… worst comes to worst, you accept you may not have made the right choice, but you did the best you could with how you were feeling and what you knew at the time and you make a new decision moving forward. We’re only human!

      I’m dealing with a bit of a fall out from the move now.. my ex is being difficult with our asset separation and is holding me over a barrel a bit financially but my lawyer is helping with that. I try and facilitate phone calls and facetimes, but my 2 yr old just isn’t really interested. I’m hoping to set up a better routine for her where it becomes more normal and she can interact with her dad a bit better. I try for her sake but I’m still uncertain about what type of parent he’s going to be moving forward, so I try not to sweat the small stuff and try and have faith that in the future when this is less new and raw it will be easier to navigate. I can only do the best I can. The other challenge I have is setting boundaries with his extended family. We were very close and they have been blindsided by their sons decisions as well. They had frequent contact with our daughter and a very close bond with her, which is now impacted from the move too – just another sad side effect of his decisions. My family have a great relationship with my daughter though even though they’ve always been in a different state since she was born, so I’m not worried about the long term relationship my kids will have with their grandparents on his side. The challenges are more in adjusting to the changes, establishing a new normal, setting boundaries and managing relationships that are a bit strained and fragile at the moment.
      I hope some of this helps in any way…

    • #66570 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      f

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