I have started dating a guy who has loved me since our teen years and I have always loved him but friend zoned him and often was in relationships so until now it never progressed.
It’s early days but I already know he’s the one. We talk and communicate very openly and he has told me he desperately wants a child with me. I have two from a previous relationship (girl 10 and boy almost 6) who he treats as his own as their dad isn’t around. I had not wanted more kids as I had mine early so I could travel (not likely happening any time soon) and do my own thing as I grew up but I have now come around to the idea of a child with him. My son thinks it’s awesome my daughter has screamed and carried on she won’t have another sibling it’s embarrassing and it actually made us cry as we would like a family unit that includes a child together. I know she is only a child and doesn’t call the shots but any idea how I could get her on board with the idea? Or any tips? He has told me he will accept it if we can’t and isn’t pressuring at all but I feel I have sacrificed a lot for my kids and should be able to chose how I live my life but I also want to respect them. Please help!!
I’m not sure of your family’s history, so I’m not sure where your daughter may be coming from.. without knowing any of that, I can’t imagine a reason why it would be a negative thing for her. You could perhaps try to find a suitable moment to discuss with her privately, in an age appropriate way, to try to find out why she feels so strongly that way? That would also be a good time to explain to her that your dreams and wishes are important too, and assure her that there’s no way that you could ever love her any more or less than you already do (no matter how amazing or terrible her behaviour is) because no matter what you already love her to the maximum and will always love her to the absolute maximum no matter what. I don’t think it’s her decision to make (though I totally understand that you’d at least want to have her onboard with the idea – though as much as your kids deserve your respect, you and your partner also deserve equal respect from them, including being able to choose how you live your life – I mean lets face it, at least half first born siblings are not real happy about the arrival of their first sibling…).
The only other suggestion I have is you could perhaps encourage her to ring the kids helpline – 1800 55 1800 (assuming you are in Australia), and you could ring the parents helpline for your state. The kid’s helpline can be pretty amazing at times.
Thirdly, just do it and hope for the best that she will come round to the idea in the end – I’d imagine that there’s a very high chance that she’d fall in love with her sibling.
Finally, how wonderful that you have found your true love and that he is even so supportive and accepting that he’s willing to make such a huge sacrifice. I hope you manage to work out a solution where everyone comes out a winner. X
I thought I had posted on here already but can’t see my post.
I said something along the lines of not allowing your daughter to let you miss this opportunity. Firstly, it is not her decision to make and secondly I think her reaction shows an underlying issue that needs to get sorted.
Before getting her onboard find out what exactly the problem is. Maybe point out some of the really great things about having a younger sibling. Perhaps it brings some finality to the family had before? good luck and I really hope this happens for you and your partner.
Imo children come first. Perhaps your daughter feels it’s a betrayal of her family. She already has a new person taking your attention away and then a new baby is going to be thrown into the mix. I certainly wouldn’t be adding another baby and potentially causing resentment and a huge rift in the family. But if this is what you choose to do, I hope you’re able to get lots of support for her.