BACK TO FORUM

Homepage Beanstalk Single Mum Anonymous Forum Beanstalk Single Mum Anonymous Forum My legal obligation when child’s father works away?

Viewing 5 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #66232 Reply
      AvatarAnonymous
      Guest

      I have a question and will be seeking actual legal advice soon but in the meantime thought I’d ask here in case anyone has been in a similar situation. My child’s father went to work away 5 weeks ago over east, he confirmed with child support that I have 100% care of our son for the meantime. In the time he’s been away he demands when he wants to speak to our son and throws threats that I can’t “legally keep our son from him”, I’ve explained that I’m not doing such a thing, but if I’m busy we will FaceTime when we can and I remind him that he left, we didn’t when he keeps going – note: I’d always FaceTime by the end of the day, just not drop everything that second for him. He worked away for 4 weeks prior to Christmas too and honestly it’s taking its toll on me as I have days notice he is going away and can be gone for long periods of time. I also have zero family here so don’t even have them to fall back on. I’m trying my best to be mum and dad at the moment but i dread hearing from him as it always ends in an argument and me feeling like crap. I always talk to my son about his daddy letting him know he’ll be home soon etc and advocate a relationship between them (he’s been less than a good day in the last 2 years but I keep holding onto hope). The latest is he’s coming back to perth this weekend for the weekend, originally he wanted our son Friday day only (he has a new gf he is busy with for the rest of the weekend) I said no as our son is in daycare Friday (he doesn’t pay a cent for that and our son is in his routine), I did say though that he can have him overnight Friday if he wishes too, this way it’s quality time and I actually get a break too. After telling me again I can’t legally keep our son away from him and this time threatening with a recovery order (he doesn’t even know what this is clearly) he agreed to Friday overnight 🤦‍♀️
      He just wonders in and out of ours sons life when it suits him. He’s already told me he will be working away when he’s back in perth again but cannot give me timeframes etc and honestly I just want some consistency for both our son and I. Call me selfish, but damn I’d love a night or 2 to myself every month. He can go away and have weekends off when he fees like it.
      Anyway, my whole point of this post is, what is my legal obligation for contact between our son and his dad whilst he’s away? I feel like I’m doing what I can (I try and organise twice a week to video chat) I mean he left, I didn’t. He could find other work as he’s a tradie and isn’t even in his field at the moment and when I suggested he look for other work to spend more time with his son his response was “take me to court and make the judge order me to find another job” I actually cannot deal with him and his constant threats when I’m just trying to pick up the pieces.
      Our son is nearly 3 if this is relevant

    • #66246 Reply
      AvatarAnonymous
      Guest

      I would email him and stipulate what day and time your son will be FaceTime him to catch up and say you need a weeks notice for when he wants your son over nights and these nights have to work around your sons daycare/school.

      My mum said if my ex wants our son on one of his daycare days then tell him he has to pay me what a full day of daycare is eg $112. She said he will only do it once and then won’t ask again. My ex is a cheap scape

    • #66256 Reply
      AvatarAnonymous
      Guest

      Organise a time to facetime daily. If dad wants to see his child, facilitate that.

      I have no idea why you wouldn’t let him see his father on the friday. So what if thats his routine. If he was sick, he’d break his routine to have a day off daycare. This is an opportunity for him to spend quality time with his dad who has been away for 5 weeks. I would tread very carefully as to me it seems you are inhibiting a relationship.

    • #66277 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      My opinion is that we have an obligation as mothers to our kids to facilitate the relationship between father and child as much as we can. Sometimes this is hard and we may feel bitter however it is the right thing to do.

    • #66292 Reply
      AvatarAnonymous
      Guest

      I understand where you’re coming from 100%. I’m sorry you and your son are having to deal with this.

      I think that sending an email (as suggested in the first response here) is a great idea. Have you had Mediation? I feel that’s something you will benefit from organising asap. Give Relationships Australia a call for assistance and advice regarding that.

      I also feel that you could benefit from seeing a counsellor to help you to deal with your current situation. Perhaps give 1800RESPECT a call to provide you with contact details for someone near you who is experienced with this type of situation.

      I can’t believe there are a couple of comments here implying that you’re inhibiting a relationship and that you’re not trying to facilitate a relationship between your son and his father. They seriously need to re-read your post!

      So, set up some firm boundaries (with the help of Mediation, and a counsellor) and you will feel a fair wack of the burden on you lifted. Good luck X

    • #66400 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      You need mediation to get support to make arrangements that work best for your son. He is dad so he has very strong legal rights to have contact with him, in fact his rights are equal to your even though he left. You can make decisions with a third party involved if you use a mediator and have consent orders drawn up which means they are legally binding and have to be followed by all. This will give you all a sense of knowing where you stand.

Viewing 5 reply threads
Reply To: My legal obligation when child’s father works away?
Your information:

Please enter your name


Please enter your email

Please enter a valid email address

Please enter description