I need support, coping being a single Mum.

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This topic has 6 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 1 month, 1 week ago by Anonymous.

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- January 27, 2021 at 9:14 pm #60623 Reply
  
  Anonymous
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  Hello,
  I keep putting this post off, because I’m scared of what people might say. But, here I am and here it goes..
  I’ve been a single Mum for over 12 months now. My LO just turned 2 years old.
  Now please, do not mistake me, my LO means the absolute world to me.
  However. I’m finding that I’m getting so irritated with her sometimes. And look, I know that she’s a toddler and she can only communicate in a particular way.. and in saying that, its not her that’s the issue. I’M the issue. Because of my own issues. Medically, emotionally..
  I find myself getting angry, and impatient. I hold it all in and really have to focus on breathing for a moment to stop myself yelling. I hate yelling, I hate people yelling at me or around me.. why do I do it to my own child? I wish I knew what triggers it, deep down?
  I see a psychologist, I’m actively listening to audio books to work on myself, I do plenty of positive activities to really help understand.
  I don’t want people to “support me” by telling me I’ve lost my marbles.. I’m completely aware, why else would I be on an anonymous forum!
  This happens occasionally, not everyday.. I just feel like I’m simply not coping. I feel alone. I have no family here, I can’t move because my LO’s father won’t allow bub to have a relationship with my family..
  Not that its an excuse, but I’m wondering if its possible hormones out of whack. I’ve never been this person until maybe 6 or so months ago. I definitely have my fair share of other crap going on, which doesn’t help me at all.
  Am I alone in this?
  Any useful advice?
- January 27, 2021 at 10:59 pm #60628 Reply
  
  Anonymous
  Guest
  
  Hi there, maybe consider doing circle of security course through family support services in your area…, that may help
- January 27, 2021 at 11:04 pm #60630 Reply
  
  Anonymous
  Guest
  
  Definitely not alone in this! I’m also working on my anger. I’ve left about the same timeframe as you. I think it’s the accumulation of time completely on your own looking after kids with no family support, anger as time goes on about the reality of our situation as single Mums (I feel like it hits me sometimes and I become so overwhelmed and angry that this is my life), it’s trying to think how to improve our situation but not being able to because kids interrupt all the time, having to do ALL the house and bills with no back up if things go wrong. It’s completely on us and I feel angry with all the stress sometimes. Sleep deprivation doesn’t help either! Anyway, you’re doing all the right things to reduce your anger. Just keep in mind toddlers are definitely frustrating and drive the most patient person up the wall if they had to do it all themselves! Hope things improve for you soon x
- January 28, 2021 at 7:55 am #60653 Reply
  
  Lucy Good
  Keymaster
  
  You are so not alone. Actually from your message it sounds like you are coping well. You are recognising the issue and accepting that something needs to change, plus most importantly you getting help and reaching for more.
  
  Bringing up a child on your own, without support, is super hard, especially the gruelling toddler years.
  
  Simple solution sounds like you need to regular break from her. Without family support, can you book her into a childcare centre for a day, or even half a day, each week. Or get a friend to have her?
  
  Also, remember that the terrible two’s are just a phase that she will grow out of and then it might get easier for you.
- January 28, 2021 at 3:15 pm #60664 Reply
  
  Lucy Good
  Keymaster
  
  You have so not lost your marbles!! Sounds like you are an ordinary wonderful mum going through pressure and stress of a toddler alone. I remember it well and mine are now teens. You’ll get through it. Stay strong and maybe try some meditation which can really help to calm everyday situations.
- January 29, 2021 at 4:50 am #60672 Reply
  
  Anonymous
  Guest
  
  It’s very tough and I am much the same. If you have experienced any trauma (if your relationship was abusive in any way, not just physical, or some other trauma in your life), I would suggest getting EMDR. That’s what I plan to do for myself because I am not coping and I’m not the Mum that I know I can be.
  And remember, being a good Mum is not about being perfect – we’re all human. Also, you might be right in what you’re saying, but there’s also a possibility that you’re actually holding yourself to a high standard. Try to look at your situation through the lense of a friend or family member- ie. if a close friend of yours was in your position, would you offer kind words, or would you think that she’s showing a bit too much anger (just an exercise to gain perspective)
  From your post you seem like a great Mum.
- January 29, 2021 at 8:25 pm #60703 Reply
  
  Anonymous
  Guest
  
  You’re definitely not alone.
  Being a single mum is hard. You’re doing all the right things to try and help yourself.
  I read a book recently that helped my understand myself more.
  It’s called unf@ck yourself by Gary bishop, I highly recommend you read it.
  
  It explains a lot about why we think and overthink about things it also helps us to sort out the underlying problem that we don’t really see at first.
  
  I really hope this helps
  
  Hang in there Mumma you’re doing a great job, your lo loves you for you and that’s all that matters
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