This topic contains 9 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Anonymous 1 week, 3 days ago.
- November 5, 2019 at 10:27 pm #20181
How did you broach the subject that you’re leaving? I’m not sure where to start and with what reasons to give him. There are so many reasons why I want to leave him and take our 3 kids with me but I don’t know where to start. My emotions are all over the place, my mind feels jumbled, as I have so many other things on my plate and I just feel like I don’t have enough strength to stand up to my partner and his Mum (she has been trying to make me stay by knocking my self esteem), telling me I won’t be able to leave, won’t cope etc. Every time I go to tell him I can’t bring myself to say it. I feel like it’s 2 against 1 with him and his Mum against me. TIA
- November 6, 2019 at 3:18 am #20184
sorry to hear what you’re going through living with your MIL or having her all the time really causes trouble. My advice if you find it difficult to talk to them just pack your bags and leave with your kids. No matter how many times you want to leave it won’t happen unless you start packing and make things happen. Don’t wait for them to every bit of you. You can do this.
- November 6, 2019 at 6:52 am #20200
Yes, you’re right. I just need to start packing. Maybe I’ll then get the strength to say I’m leaving. I guess I’m scared because my mil contradicts herself one minute trying to stop me leaving and the next telling me to make a decision whether I’m leaving or not. I get the feeling she wants me to go and leave the kids there. She’s over our house way too much and way too involved. She’s even drawn up plans for a new kitchen, bathroom in a house I bought!! I don’t even have the money to do these renovations. It’s just weird!!
- November 6, 2019 at 7:36 am #20205
Organise yourself quietly.
Move your banking, forward your mail. Being prepared gives you confidence.
Then either ship the kids out of range and you tell him your leaving, or take the kids and leave quietly, leaving him a letter or calling him.
- November 6, 2019 at 10:09 am #20207
So many people have trouble with their MIL’s like this, it’s incredible. You need to tell him how you feel first before actually moving out. I guess he would deserve that. Talk to him, explain how you feel and take if from there. If nothing changes, you are in a better position to tell him you are leaving.
- November 6, 2019 at 11:56 am #20210
I remember your previous post, and am pleased to see you’ve had the confidence to make a decision.
My experience both from ending long term relationships (I’ve ended one then been walked out on by another) was it really doesn’t matter what you say in the moment, it will all be a blur. I do wish I’d had something kind in writing, as there were some kind and loving things said, but they’ve been lost in the following acrimony.
Follow the other advice. Do it quietly, calmly, be organised. Evernote has been a saviour for me as I can organise and scan so many documents and access them anywhere.
- November 7, 2019 at 12:38 am #20229
Your MIL is just trying to confuse you maybe she really do want you to leave your kids but never allow her to mess up your mind. Pack your things and just go don’t listen anymore to what she’s going to say what matters is you stop them from stressing you and ruining your life. You deserve peace and happiness and it won’t happen unless you move out.
- November 7, 2019 at 10:06 pm #20248
I’ve told my partner about some of the things his Mum has said and he has always brushed me off and said ‘she wouldn’t say that’. Even though there’s no love there anymore, he still should have stuck up for me when she told me to make a decision about leaving. I’ve got our 3 young kids to think of as well so to try to kick me out of my home is ridiculous. The problem is she always says things when no one is around so who would believe the sleep deprived, stressed Mum 🤷♀️
- November 7, 2019 at 11:14 pm #20251
I suggest you record it without her knowing just a voice recorder on your phone would do so you have proof. That way she can’t deny it anymore. Make sure to collect a lot of evidence so she can’t say it was just one instance.
- November 7, 2019 at 11:39 pm #20254
It might actually be in your best interests and safety to keep your cards close to your chest and not make a big announcement or let on that you’re leaving. Just get clear of the environment and tell someone you trust (ypur family, support worker, police etc) you’re safe and not missing etc. It is a vulnerable time, especially if the other party is psychologically or physically abusive.
I would get some advice from a DV service about how best to leave safely.