My exboyfriend and I have a daughter. Before the pregnancy we had “normal” relationship for almost 9 months. The news of the pregnancy hit him hard, he didnt wanted to tell his mom because apparently she was going to force him to marry which she try afterwards. My family was very supportive and respected i didnt wanted to marry because of how he treated me during my pregnancy. He changed when he knew i was pregnant, he started to ignore me and i started to go by myself to the doctor appointments, he went out partying, drinking and smoking marihuana. He cheated and broke up with me. I had a high risk pregnancy because of all the stress and almost lost my baby because he constantly called to fight over instagram pictures i posted of my preggo belly or other ridiculous issues like me not calling his mom or being nice to her because “she was very sad about the pregnancy news”. The day i had my baby he shouted at me in the hospital room because i didnt wanted him there. Afterwards he threat to take my daughter away from me even though she was hospitalized due to premature birth conditions. He threat to use political contacts so I freaked out and accused him of domestic violence. I must mention that I paid everything; my birth, medical appointments, pills, everything. Later on he denyied the girl saying it was not his and then he went and registered her with his surname… He wanted to give 80$ for child support and honestly i didnt want a single dime from him but he is not even trying to be a good dad. He talk shit about me, said he was going to put me in jail and try to intimidate my family. He now wants to see the girl but i dont trust him taking her away but he doesnt wants to come home? Of course i would love her to have a dad but he has shown he is not mature even though he’s over 35. What should i do? Should i shut him down or give him.a chance to be a dad?
Sounds like he needs to sort himself out and sounds like you need some very firm boundaries in place.
You could contact 1800 RESPECT for some advice. This sounds very much like a domestic violence situation and they should be able to guide you, including advice on an App to document the abuse (you never know if you’ll need it- for example, if he takes you to Court for parenting orders). If you see a Maternal and Child health nurse, they should be able to refer you to a DV service.
Whatever you do, DO NOT allow unsupervised contact if you believe there are safety issues (his drug use & DV raises questions about his parenting capacity and safety around the child).
How old is your daughter now? Assuming she’s still very young, she still needs you in close proximity most of the time. If he wants contact, it sounds like a contact centre is needed so that you can be protected and he can be supervised. Can he even change a nappy? Can he feed her? Can he settle her if she needs settling? If he wants to be a parent, he needs to learn these basic parenting skills.
If and when you establish safety for yourself and your daughter, you could try mediation for parenting arrangements if he genuinely wants to be a parent (if it were ever to go to Court, Family Law Act encourages involvement of both parents if its safe to do so). It’s very rare for orders to be made that don’t allow for a child to see a parent (even if they’ve been violent or are a crap parent).
However, before you even begin to start negotiating parenting arrangements, you need to ensure you and your daughter are safe from him- you will not be able to make clear decisions otherwise and are at risk of being coerced into potentially unsafe or inappropriate arrangements.
It may be of little comfort, but statistically, women are at higher risk for DV during pregnancy and whilst the child is still young. It is a health emergency that many wouldn’t be aware of and a national disgrace that needs to be addressed with urgency.
Get professional support before you do anything. Instigate mediation and they will assess whether he is high risk to take the child, if he his, then you can organise supervised visitations to allow them to bond in a safe environment.
I can advise highly enough that you need to get legal support here.
Call Relationships Australia and book mediation. This situation sounds like such a mess. You are going to need help to navigate it. Their service is free and could stop the matter going to court, which will make it messier still. Unfortunately you can’t just shut down dad as he does have legal rights, even when he has behaved badly.