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This topic contains 14 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Avatar Anonymous 3 weeks, 6 days ago.

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  • #30813 Reply
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    Anonymous

    A vent:

    Shortly after leaving my husband I met an AMAZING man. He adored me, was kind, caring, considerate, went out of his way to make me happy, loved my kids, gave me space to deal with my ex, got on with my friends and family, was supportive of all my decisions, we matched in personality, we had amazing chemistry, and the sex was mind blowing fantastic, and he lived 100km away so we saw eachother on alternating weekends forcing us to take it slow. He was the kind of guy I could just relax and be myself around and be totally comfortable. He was perfect for me.

    But then he made some choices that kept me away from him time wise, then he made a bad choice in order to make some extra money. And I quickly broke up with him saying I couldn’t have that around my kids and couldn’t be seen to be dating someone who was doing that if he ever got caught, due to my work – and I love my job because its flexible for working around my kids.

    He asked for forgiveness within the day and I said I couldn’t be with someone who did that. He understood.

    Anyway It’s been 6 weeks, and I’m still heart broken. I’ve never been this attached to someone before.
    And I have to hold myself back from asking to get back with him, and I just think the most horrible thought, that if I didn’t have kids it would have all worked out and I’d be happy. And I know I shouldn’t blame my kids, and that I’m in control of my morals and ethics, and who I choose to be around my kids or not and it’s my responsibility to surround them with good people and positive influcences and keep them safe… but there is this underlying feeling thst I’ll NEVER find someone as perfect for me as him, that no one else will love or respect me or understand me as much as he does and that I’m throwing away one of the best things that ever happened to me just because he isn’t a good role model for my kids.

    I keep getting told I deserve better, but what if he is the best I’ll ever get that will accept me and my kids just as we are?. What if I never love someone the way I love him?
    How do you get over that kind of love?

    I keep trying to tell myself I’ve made the right choice for my kids.
    I’ve sacrificed the one thing that makes me feel happy and gives me self worth for my ideals for my kids.

    I keep telling myself it was his choice to make those choices that took him away from us.
    But I’m feeling the regret of my choice.
    And I just don’t know how to handle these feelings. We were dating for a year. He was my first boyfriend after leaving my husband. My second partner EVER.
    I miss him. I miss what we had. I didn’t have these feelings when I left my husband.

    I don’t know what I’m asking/ lookong for. But I think I just needed to vent because none of my friends or family seem to understand/ their words don’t help the heart ache and depression of knowing I made the chouce to leabe him not for me but for my kids and how much I want him back despite his choices and how hard it is to stand my ground and Steele my resolve on my choice.
    Especially when the idea of him loving anyone else hurts so much, and I can’t bring myself to even flirt with anyone else.

    Anyway, woe is me and all that self pity stuff.
    Sorry.
    I just love him and miss him.
    I just needed to get that off my chest somewhere safe.
    Sorry.
    Thanks for reading if you did.
    I appreciate the space. 🙁 xo

  • #30815 Reply
    Lucy Good
    Lucy Good
    Keymaster

    No time to read all this but feel there is pain in there so hope you are feeling better soon.

  • #30819 Reply
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    Anonymous
    Moderator

    Just focus with your kids, and move on. You’ll get better lovely..

  • #30820 Reply
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    Anonymous

    Allow yourself to grieve the relationship and to feel however you want! It’s still very raw so you will still have such strong emotions..

    Give yourself time and be kind to yourself!

    You can tell yourself you did it for the kids but it sounds like you made the decision for you as well! And that’s what you need to remember, the children were apart of the reason but he also wasn’t this amazing perfect bloke! If he were you’d still be together.

    There will be someone else out there! And who knows the may turn to be the one for you.

  • #30823 Reply
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    Anonymous

    Considering you have only been in 2 relationships ever, I think it’s important to realise that neither him or your ex husband were the one. The next guy you date too might not be the one either. Being honest with yourself and doing what is best for you and your kids is the only way forward and compromising because you think that he was perfect (he obviously wasn’t and you’ve put him on a rediculous pedasatl because you are in love) is not healthy.

    Perhaps it’s good to reflect on having this relationship to learn and grow.

  • #30825 Reply
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    Anonymous
    Moderator

    Maybe this help article can help you move on:

    https://beanstalkmums.com.au/let-go-of-wrong-relationship/..

  • #30861 Reply
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    Anonymous

    I know it’s hurtful, but what I can advice is deal with the pain for now, then after that, learn to move on..

  • #30865 Reply
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    Anonymous

    Dear oh dear you sound very co dependant you need to find happiness within yourself

  • #30866 Reply
    Avatar
    Anonymous

    It’s just aman you met. He’s not your soulmate or the one. And alsonto have such unrealistic expectations from a man you’re seeing is ridiculous

  • #30945 Reply
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    Anonymous

    Sorry to hear this, hun. I know you’re hurting, but I think it’s better to move on..

  • #30997 Reply
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    Anonymous

    Time heals all wounds lovely. Stay strong..

  • #31098 Reply
    Avatar
    Anonymous
    Moderator

    Time to move on lady..

  • #31106 Reply
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    Anonymous
    Moderator

    There’s a reason for everything. We don’t know it for now, but someday you’ll understand why it happen. Stay strong ..

  • #31652 Reply
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    Anonymous

    Thanks for sharing your heart and feelings. I cannot feel what you feel or the weight of the pain. I have felt my own heartache and can relate in some ways. Time, I believe does help and heal but healing can come from many sources and it’s important to take it slow. Be kind to yourself and breathe. You’re not alone and you are always worthy of love. Let yourself grieve, accept the situation and try not to fight it too much. It’s not worth the agony in the long run. Love yourself, do something that brings happiness.

  • #31655 Reply
    Avatar
    Anonymous

    It’s only been six weeks. Give it more time to heal and move on.

    It sucks that it happened but you definitely made the right choice by putting your kids and work first.

    The “I”ll never do any better” feelings are just because you’re hurting. In a few more weeks or months you won’t think that.

    Surround yourself with people who love you. Focus on your kids and your friends and extended family. Do something that you enjoy. Be kind to yourself. All the best

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