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February 20, 2020 at 4:06 pm #30093AnonymousGuest
My child started preschool 4wks ago.
Another Mum and her partner came up to me at school today in a complete flap to tell me their child has decided they are friends with mine and they pleaded with me to set up a playdate. I kind of shrugged it off saying we are still settling in, she goes to her Dad’s a fair bit, and maybe we can do something in a little while. It was a bit awkward.
I don’t think my child is overly interested (and I’m not convinced they actually play together). Based on a couple of brief chats with the other parents, I’m not all that keen myself. My child’s father and I typically don’t mix work/school situations with our private life, and I think the kids socialise enough during their school day.
Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you get out of having to hang out?
February 20, 2020 at 4:16 pm #30096AnonymousGuest
100% organise the play date for your child and his/her friend … they love it. Playdates are the BEST.
February 20, 2020 at 4:21 pm #30099AnonymousGuest
Playdates are only “the best” if your children like each other, and you enjoy the company of the other adults. We don’t, so this is not a helpful comment.
February 20, 2020 at 5:15 pm #30101AnonymousGuest
I am definitely up for promoting friendships outside school and love having other kids around for playdates so it’s definite ‘DO IT’ from me 🙂
February 20, 2020 at 5:34 pm #30102AnonymousGuest
I’m not sure you guys are actually reading the post. I don’t want to spend time with these people and my child isn’t interested in the other kid.
How do I get out if it, short of saying I am not interested?
February 20, 2020 at 5:35 pm #30103AnonymousGuest
It was the parent and their kid pleading for a playdate. Not mine.
February 20, 2020 at 5:40 pm #30104AnonymousGuest
I hate playdates.. And I really don’t enjoy having other kids at my house. Maybe there is something wrong with me but honestly whenever I’ve been forced to do it I can’t stop watching the clock wishing it was over. Just keep making up excuses, they’ll get the message eventually! Nothing worse than small talk with parents from school. I’ve got friends and spend time with them. And 4yr olds don’t need organised play dates anyway, wait till they are much older!
February 20, 2020 at 6:29 pm #30107AnonymousGuest
30104. Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou. Thought I was alone in this
Had a chat with my ex partner this evening, and he totally understood where I was coming from. Phew.
We just have so much on with juggling two households, new parenting plan, and keeping up existing relationships with friends. We didn’t do social catchups outside of child care so I’m really not ready to get into it at preschool yet. Maybe in a few months.
I really appreciate your support.
February 20, 2020 at 7:39 pm #30111AnonymousGuest
Playdates are part of growing up, just don’t do it. Tell them you don’t do them.
February 20, 2020 at 8:20 pm #30113AnonymousGuest
If you or your child isn’t interested be up front with parents tell them.
Have x4 children, sorry but play dates are a part of life! Whether I allow kids over their home or their kids come to ours.
Kids get to socialise, get to experience others life. Etc etc. But agree you and child have to feel comfortable. Guess it was my child’s opinion or interest in doing it.
They found like minded kinder or school friends, and we found like minded parent/friends from there. But it was on a comfortable level, so if your not comfortable, just be honest with them.
February 20, 2020 at 8:59 pm #30119AnonymousGuest
Oh god I hate those over enthusiastic parents!! Your daughter is only 4 she doesn’t NEED play dates, that’s what she does at preschool. Yes eventually you’ll have to do them but I wouldn’t worry about it until she is about 8yrs old and has actual friends that she asks to have over. Those play date Mums tend to flock together anyway, I am not one of them. I’ve got 5 kids and work full time so I don’t have time for that fake finding friends stuff. Yuck
February 20, 2020 at 9:00 pm #30120AnonymousGuest
Thanks 30113, I get what you’re saying.
The problem isn’t I hate playdates, we already have friends we socialise with regularly. I refuse to be forced into spending time with people that don’t interest me.
I felt completely ambushed by this woman. I got the impression that it was more about her and it just reeked of desperation. My kid didn’t even seem to know who her kid was.
You’re right, I’ll just tell them I’m not interested. They can socialise at school.
February 20, 2020 at 9:03 pm #30121AnonymousGuest
30119 – I like you. 😎 I think we’d get along well if either of us could be bothered. 😄😉
I am so not into parenthood for the MLM parties.
February 20, 2020 at 9:25 pm #30123Lucy GoodKeymaster
Just say no, simple.
February 21, 2020 at 8:20 am #30137AnonymousGuest
I feel you. Just tell them that you’re not into playdates in a way they’ll not be offended..
February 21, 2020 at 4:40 pm #30171AnonymousModerator
You can just say no in a nice way..
February 21, 2020 at 4:40 pm #30172AnonymousModerator
You can just say no in a nice way..
February 22, 2020 at 1:00 am #30219AnonymousGuest
I hate playdates too.. kids just always ask, and sometimes parents too to see what they can get out of you.
And if your already full up and or drained don’t do it to yourself.
Your child will find friends and you too.. That you genuinely want to hang out with but you don’t have to be forced into it.
Generally those people who are too much, honesty they get offended after a few very valid no I’m sorry I can’ts and then you realise it wouldn’t have been the most worthwhile friendship anyway.
Good on them for welcoming you though I think that’s ready nice.. Insisting on a playdate is a bit much for some people though.
They will understand if they are genuine intelligent people xoxo
Go with your gut gorgeous, you got this!!!!
February 22, 2020 at 7:51 am #30226AnonymousGuest
Thanks 30219 – interesting you mentioned the ‘see what they canget out of you’.
While the Mum was firing questions at me (did I live close by etc) and going on about playdate, the Dad was trying to hurry her up. I was hoping he was sensing my discomfort. Then he tells me they have to drive 90mins away to drop the kid to the grandparents because they’re both working all weekend, again.
I don’t have the time or the energy to potentially end up being a free source of OSHC. I’m a time poor single Mum, dealing with a very manipulative ex partner, juggling a whole new world of preschool, and hoop jumping for DSS. I don’t need any more people taking from me.
August 8, 2020 at 8:58 pm #46049AnonymousGuest
I’m with you, I’m really not a fan of play dates. I also work full time with 3 kids & I just don’t have the energy. Especially if the parents don’t seem genuine. I was asked a few weeks ago & I just told the mum I’d have to work out a weekend I have my boys as they’re often at their dads. She hasn’t asked again so I think she understands.
August 12, 2020 at 2:42 am #46429AnonymousGuest
Far out I remember going through this! I was not at all prepared for it (I had never even heard of a play date!) I was far too passive! I still struggle to be upfront and honest with people and find myself squirming and wondering how to avoid the situation – it’s not healthy! You sound like you’ve got more balls than me and will be able to just say no. I don’t recommend dealing with it the way I did. I can’t even stand the words “play date”, like when the hell did this shit even start! wtf!
August 24, 2020 at 9:17 pm #48009AnonymousGuest
OP here. In the end, I didn’t have to say no. Her child pushed mine over and was pestering mine daily. Kindy gave me incident form to sign. I told the staff to deal with it and speak with the parents before my ex decided they would.
Haven’t had a peep out of her since. 😉