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    • #55539 Reply
      AvatarAnonymous
      Guest

      I’m wanting some advice and moral support.
      I’ve split from my ex for 2 years, our daughter is nearly 6, and this is the second time we split – first time she was nearly 2 and we separated for 8 months.
      My ex has always done fifo as a geologist. I’ve looked after my daughter for the majority of her life while he’s been working 9 days away, 5 days back. He will look after her those whole 5 days. He’s been able to drop her and pick her up from school on the days he’s home, now that she’s in preprimary.
      I’ve been very happy with this arrangement – I get primary care of my daughter – he’s not a good role model in that he drinks too much, eats lots of junk food, and spoils her terribly. I also take her to her extra curricular activities – he has had the opportunity in the past and just doesn’t do it. I work full time but I’m flexible enough with my hours I can pick her up and drop her off some days and take her to swimming/netball, etc. I live a block from her school. My mum also helps out she lives about 2 min drive from the school.
      He’s now got a job in the city where he’ll work Monday-Friday and he wants her 50/50. He currently lives 45 min drive from her school, although it will be more like 15-20 mins when he’s working in the city.
      I’m annoyed that he’ll be able to do this (the court may grant him 50/50) although I’ve made all the sacrifices since my daughter was born – I haven’t been able to work fifo (I’m also a geologist), so don’t earn anywhere near as much, but I’ve always valued my time with my daughter so felt it was worth it. Now I feel like that’s being taken away from me and that he has a right for 50/50 even if it’s not in the best interests for her… I could go work fifo instead but that goes against everything I’ve fought for….
      Has anyone been through something similar, and can relate, or encourage me somehow. This breakup has almost killed me, and just when I think it’s all over, it all gets thrown up in the air again and I reel from it. I thought life with a physically abusive partner was bad, but the financial and emotional abuse since then has been far, far worse.

    • #55546 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      My ex recently got 50/50 so I can totally relate to how you feel. The only thing that gets me through is that she is able to build a better relationship with her dad. If your daughter was younger you might be in a better position to fight it.

    • #55547 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      Also you might find that when he is a present dad and is doing the daily grind with his daughter that he veers away from drinking and junk food – one can only hope I guess!

    • #55561 Reply
      AvatarAnonymous
      Guest

      Unfortunately when you separate and there are children involved it’s hard to let go especially of the small things like junk food and he drinks to much…however family court like to see each parent gets a chance to raise there children….you need t let go and get over it…just like we all have….

    • #55594 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      I’m not in quite the same situation because we have always done 50/50. But my advice to you is that you try and let go. As the primary carer you had a lot of control over the parenting and that makes us feel safe and happy that we are doing the right thing by our kiddies. Doing 50/50 means that your daughter is going to parented differently when she is at her dads and there is nothing you can do about it. I wrote this article about what I call ‘complementary co-parenting’ and how I made being a part-time mum work for me and for my daughters.

      https://beanstalkmums.com.au/complementary-co-parenting-and-why-i-love-it/

    • #55599 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      Like message above i am not the same but I would do ANYTHING for my ex to want to be a dad in any way at all. Spoiling her would be a bonus. Can I suggest you try and see it as a good thing that he want to be around more?

    • #55601 Reply
      AvatarAnonymous
      Guest

      I hate it too. Its so unfair when you put in so much effort and sacrifice and then your right to being the primary parent gets taken away. For those of us who truly wanted to be fulltime parents, being forced to be a part time parent, due to abuse or selfishness of the other parent, is horrible. We only get a short time with them and if half of it is taken away without your choice it is always going to be crap.

    • #55605 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      I agree – I hate sharing !

    • #55609 Reply
      AvatarAnonymous
      Guest

      I find it interesting that you think something is being taken away from YOU. This isn’t about YOU. This should be only about your daughter, and for her 50/50 gives her the opportunity to have equal time to develop relationships with both parents. You have it lucky, many fathers are nothing more than sperm donors and oxygen thieves.

    • #55635 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      This is just something you have to deal with when you co-parent, and 50/50 is a wonderful outcome for children since they get to share their lives with both parents. Do everything you can to make it work.

    • #55643 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      It sounds like he had little choice to be a part time parent because he was working away. Now he’s back and wants a more active part as a parent. I tend to agree with last poster.

    • #55672 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      Such a bitter pill swallow.

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