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    • #59000 Reply
      AvatarAnonymous
      Guest

      Hi, my daughter’s dad and I separated a year and a half ago. He’s hooked up online with an old flame in a different State, who he hadn’t seen for 26 years. Since then they have spent a total of 3 weeks in each other’s company, plus video calling (involving my daughter). I suspect that she is about to give up her life to relocate here, which isn’t a problem for me personally, my daughter seems to like her, but woman to woman should I tell her that he’s a narcissist? He’s not violent or abusive, but he is vindictive, totally incapable of empathy or emotional connection and fully broke me. I know it’s not my business, if it was a local person I would leave it, but knowing that she’s going to give everything up for this man who won’t ever care for her, I feel obliged to put it out there. That said, if I do and he finds out, he will get his revenge so I’m leaning towards ‘not my circus, not my monkeys’ …. plus maybe he just never loved or cared about me but this one is for real?

      Interested to know anyone else’s take. Thank you.

    • #59004 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      No no no, stay well out of it. They may have a different kind of relationship to the one that you had with him. No one will thank you. My only concern would be whether your daughter likes, that is all.

    • #59005 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      Plus, if she is prepared to uproot herself and move after such a short time with him, that is her own error.

    • #59006 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      Even if you did I doubt she would take any notice. She would probably think you’re jealous.

    • #59008 Reply
      AvatarAnonymous
      Guest

      Yes, of course, I left him so the concept of me being seen as jealous hadn’t even occurred to me 😛 I won’t say anything, I’ll just be friendly and approachable in case she ever decides she needs to talk.

    • #59010 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      If you do be prepared for it to blow up in your face.

      ANd think of it this way: You need to preserve the most your relationship with your ex so that you can co-parent to the best of your abilities. He will not b happy if you slag him off to his new girlfiend.

    • #59060 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      I have dealt with the fallout of a relationship with a narc first hand so I know how destructive it can be and understand why you would want to do this but like another poster has said, your main focus is have a good coparenting relationship with your ex for the sake of your kids. I would hate to think his reaction if you did this and how that would end affecting your kids lives if you and he are in a bad place. Tread carefully sister.

    • #59163 Reply
      Lucy GoodLucy Good
      Keymaster

      There relationship is nothing to do with you. Only intervene if it affects your child.

    • #59285 Reply
      AvatarAnonymous
      Guest

      Best not to say anything, and maybe really question your motives for wanting to.
      Their relationship may not be anything like the one you shared with him.

    • #59661 Reply
      AvatarAnonymous
      Guest

      Don’t say anything. She’ll figure it out. She wouldn’t believe you even if you said something and he would punish you for it.

    • #60062 Reply
      AvatarAnonymous
      Guest

      My friend recommended this book (Parenting Toddlers: How You Can Use Positive Discipline to Raise Kids Who Will Have High Self-Esteem, Including Tips for Sleep Training, Handing Tantrums and a Guide to Potty Training) and it’s honestly been a huge game changer for me, it’s been so helpful in so many different aspects of parenting! Here’s the link if you want a free copy: https://amzn.to/2LsVSum
      If you want to cancel during the free trial you can, you still get the book, that’s what I did haha 😆

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