- October 4, 2020 at 9:35 am #52786AnonymousGuest
I’m considering the single parent life for my bubs and I. I do well independently however living at family home time being as I’m full time mom bubs too young for day care. My partner n I have no real issues with but the problem lies between partner and family and partner has been forced out coming up 3 weeks..I’m mixed race and partner is foreign tbit speaks full English and my family hate him moreso my mother who has notoriously broken up multiple relationships of my siblings in the past..we’re in long term relationship (10yrs) before we decided on staring a family..once our angel arrived things went down hill in my family towards partner..I’m stuck in the middle and tired of gossip, turmoil, emotional and mental hurt..my bubs is fine he knows no different as he is so small..partner and I were looking for our own place to move on to but since he’s been out it’s turned very slow..weirdly I’ve found that I can cope without him and I’m not missing him as much..one reason I haven’t let him go is I’m scared But another moment I feel I can get on with it i.e set up for myself and my bubs. I think for my mental and emotional well-being and of course fory bubs is best to move just sonewhere close by to my family find a place for myself and bubs only so I can get on with life and find myself a job and have the close family for the support..my partner was lookong for a place and found somewhere which is over an hour away from my family a new place I’m not familiar with.. really torn..there’s been a hell of a lot of mental torture from my mom yet there’s a mother daughter relationship but she hates my partner and for no reason except his nationality. He’s got a laid back attitude, he has never been rude or disrespectful towards any of my family member’s..I’m not happy with his financial standing..hes sort of happy in the shadows when it comes to that he is low profile sort of guy but he works full time with his best friend for a company but he’s been living out of the back pocket of his friend i feel i.e. of his friends decides to take off work for however many days my partner is out of work and that is just no good as he has a family now! And he talk about being able to provide and take care of me and bubs and that we don’t need to worry at all..we’ve never rented a whole house before and he doesn’t give me confidence that he will “take care and provide” for his family as he puts it..i have doubts and not willing to take a gamble at our lives..I don’t doubt he’s a lovibg father towards our bubs but he’s not sensible enough and only since being apart has he actually done a lot of research looking up things and actively gotten things done which he had been meaning to do for a while something’s which had taken him years to get done so this makes it clear to me that we are better apart. We are more proactive apart but he doesn’t want to let me go or see it. I’d never stop him from seeing our bubs but he keeps say, and now it sounds pathetic and beggarish when he keeps saying he wants us to just be a happy family but how can we do this I’ve I’m sincerely unhappy with him as he has let me down so many tomes in the past (well before bubs came along). Why can’t I move on or be strong enough..I think deep down I know what needs to be done but I’m between a rock and a hard place…I hate this! I think I don’t love him (enough sincerely anymore) to keep trying. I also believe life is short and it is shortened if we live in discontent, stressed etc.. I think a lot of you on here might be saying I know what I need to do but please any opinion advice will be appreciated a lot
Thank you in advance
- October 14, 2020 at 4:26 pm #54163AnonymousGuest
Hi – it sounds like your family are making decisions for you, which is odd since you are now a mother and have been with your partner for over ten years. Surely you would have noticed these things before that upset you but it sounds like living with your family they are insidiously saying things about your partner so you start to notice things.
Personally I think it’s weird that your mum is so overly involved in her kids lives like this, if there is no problems, why does she want to create drama? Surely the ultimate goal for any stable and loving parent is that you raise an INDEPENDENT adult who is able to create their own branch of the family tree. Your partner sounds like he’s realised that now that he’s a dad he needs to step up. you don’t sound like you want to give him that chance anymore – is that because you really feel like that or because your mum is whispering this in your ear?
I would give him a chance but be honest about what you need as a mum who wants to protect her child, decide what is important in terms of values and quality of life to you and if he is in agreement and happy to work together with you to achieve those goals, then what is the problem? Good luck!
- October 14, 2020 at 9:29 pm #54167Lucy GoodKeymaster
I mean to get back and read this when I have more time
- October 20, 2020 at 8:07 pm #54425Gretel DigoKeymaster
This sounds hard. Sending some strength to you mum.