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This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Avatar Anonymous 2 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #23271 Reply
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    Anonymous

    My 7 year old has become quite clingy the past couple months regarding me and it is getting to the point that she doesnt want to stay at her dads. The last changeover resulted in her returning to me the next day.Nothing has changed in my household, except i have an extra shift at work during the day. I have no idea about her dad and step mums house. I enjoy my nights off, as anyone would.
    Lately she has been calling every second night crying or leaving a voicemail when at her dads.
    Two nights ago she was in almost hysterics that she missed me and wanted to come home to me to sleep at my house. I reminded her that i was about to go to sleep as should she. I acknowledged her feelings and then asked about her day. She said she wanted a cuddle and that her dad doesnt give cuddles like me. I suggested that maybe she could get a cuddle from the dogs or her step mum then and she was told that she wasnt supposed to leave her room.
    Do i need to get professional help for her? The clingyness is different.
    Her father wants week about now which i am refusing on the basis that she clearly struggles with the 5 night a fortnight. Her Dad is blaming me for the clingyness.
    Any suggestions of coping strategies, most of my ones are no longer working for her

  • #23296 Reply
    Lucy Good
    Lucy Good
    Keymaster

    We went through and I know lots of other people who have experienced similar. Good on you for encouraging her to stay at Dad’s house. It might sound extreme but perhaps she shouldn’t have a phone to call you all the time as it can actually exacerbate the problem as she calls you instead of working through issues with her Dad.

  • #23297 Reply
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    Anonymous

    I agree with the other poster here. I she is old enough to understand the situation she is in and I think maybe she just prefers your place because it’s nicer/easier/more freedom etc than at her dads house. I would recommend speaking with her father and step mother about taking the phone from her after a certain PM time as she knows the rules at their house and she is supposed to be in bed and going to sleep but she is defying their rules by calling you and making a scene about it. Don’t fall into this trap babe. Be strong and respect that her father and step mother have rules that are different, but they are rules no less. Sorry if this sounded harsh. I have 3 step daughters and 2 sons and they have ALL tried doing this – in different ways – this is a power play, nothing more x

  • #23300 Reply
    Lucy Good
    Lucy Good
    Keymaster

    I actually went through this but the other way around. One of my girls wanted to stay at dad’s house, not mine. Both her dad and I enforced that the plan would stay the same even if she made a fuss .. we did it kindly of course. She soon worked out there was no point and went between houses happily. You have to just stick with the program .. and you need your nights off too!

  • #23307 Reply
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    Anonymous

    Unfortunately it does sound a lot like your 7 year old has learned some manipulative behaviours and is using them on you to cause friction between you and your ex for attention. I completely agree with the other posters and work with your ex to enforce the rules. Getting rid of the phone access before bedtime and letting her know you will not speak to her after she has been put to bed at her dad’s is a no brainer.

  • #23315 Reply
    Lucy Good
    Lucy Good
    Keymaster
  • #23813 Reply
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    Anonymous

    Have you asked her if something happened? Has something changed at dad’s house?

  • #23995 Reply
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    Anonymous

    🙁 A very different opinion to all the other people here. I’m purely relating this to my relationship with my 7 year old. We have such a strong bond. She happily goes to school, sport etc, but sometimes will come back saying she misses me. When she goes with her dad once a week, sometimes she has had enough after a few hours and wants back home. I have never thought that a strong bond with a parent is “manipulation”. Her home is her safe place, as am I.

    When I look at my own relationships, I have a much stronger bond with my mum than anyone else. I am not manipulating anyone when I want to call or hug my mum.

    Perhaps she simply misses you. 5 nights is a long time to be away from a primary carer. I certainly wouldn’t be taking a phone away from her. I’d tell her she could call in the afternoon and maybe give her a special Mummy-daughter teddy or bracelet or diary that she can write her thoughts in.

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