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This topic contains 11 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by Avatar Anonymous 5 days, 3 hours ago.

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  • #20101 Reply
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    Anonymous

    Hi beanstalk mamas. I’d love your opinions/ experience on method and how often you are able to contact your kids when they are with the other parent in 50/50 arrangements please? What is considered normal and appropriate in a 2 days on 2 days off, 5 days on, 5 days off agreement? Thank you 🙏🏻

  • #20141 Reply
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    Anonymous

    It depends on how you are communicating them. If they have their own phones then whenever it works for you and the kids. If you are going through your ex, then I’d say no contact in the 2 day period and one contact in the 5 day period.

  • #20146 Reply
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    Anonymous

    If you would like experiences, we have done 50/50 for 8 years and although we had no set rule, we would generally not contact our children when they are in the other parents time unless there was a particular need to. Now they both have phones and we’re always texting one another which is nice. I actually think it’s harder if you make contact all the time, let them enjoy their time with dad and vice versa. It has worked for us but every situation is different.

  • #20168 Reply
    Lucy Good
    Lucy Good
    Keymaster

    We don’t do communication by phone etc during the other persons time. Instead, as we do 50/50, halfway through each week they will go to the parent they are not staying with that week after school. They have dinner there and are picked up after. We love it as none of us can go a week without seeing each other and you don’t feel you need to contact them as much when you don’t have them.

  • #20170 Reply
    Lucy Good
    Lucy Good
    Keymaster

    I actually don’t agree with too much contact while kiddos are with dad. It can make them miss you more and they find it harder to ‘be at dads’ and sometimes its more for us missing them than for the kids.

  • #20172 Reply
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    Anonymous

    Nope, we have zero contact and we do one week on and one week off. We both found it very disrespectful and disruptive and it caused a lot of fights between us, so we both decided no contact unless it was an emergency. This works really well for our 3 and 6 year olds and also has vastly improved our coparenting relationship. The kids get to value and spend proper time with each parent. I think it does depend on you relationship with the other parent. If your guys are really amicable it would be a different story.

  • #20185 Reply
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    Anonymous

    That depends on you and your kids. I personally want to know how their day is so as often as can if possible.

  • #20239 Reply
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    Anonymous

    I really like this thread as my ex and I agreed to daily FaceTimes. We do 50/50 and I call every day but since my ex has a new partner he has dialled it back. I am considering just not FaceTiming or gradually winding it back too as it often causes fights between us. My ex husband says our agreement for FaceTime is fine but uses it against me if he doesn’t like something I’ve done.. ie introduced my partner to my children and he stopped allowing FaceTime, then he went to allowing it 1-3 times a week but then he received a letter from my lawyer that he didn’t like and withheld it again. It is so frustrating and I’m wondering whether I should just give up!!

    Those who don’t FaceTime daily, how do you find the kids when they get back? My kids are youngish – 8&5 but are hopeless at telling me about their day or week!

  • #20345 Reply
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    Anonymous

    We speak once per week on an agreed night.
    But ex often hijacks phone or asks kids to pass on a message. Very close to purchasing her own phone, but she’s still under 10 .

  • #20347 Reply
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    Anonymous

    Maybe get her a Moochie as opposed to a phone.

  • #20464 Reply
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    Anonymous

    Oh wow 😮 I couldn’t imagine not communicating with my son for that long at a time. He is 7, separated since he was 4. We have a 5/2 day split so he’s mostly with me. My ex and I haven’t always gotten along and it’s been a tough road but the one thing that has always stood is a nightly bedtime msg from which ever parent he is not with. I always encourage him to msg his dad before bed, though his dad sometimes forgets. It’s never been an issue or a weapon, it’s just what we’ve always done and it works for us.

  • #20465 Reply
    Avatar
    Anonymous

    Oh wow 😮 I couldn’t imagine not communicating with my son for that long at a time. He is 7, separated since he was 4. We have a 5/2 day split so he’s mostly with me. My ex and I haven’t always gotten along and it’s been a tough road but the one thing that has always stood is a nightly bedtime msg from which ever parent he is not with. I always encourage him to msg his dad before bed, though his dad sometimes forgets. It’s never been an issue or a weapon, it’s just what we’ve always done and it works for us.

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