Written by Beanstalk Mums blogger, Anna.
You split up. It’s over. It doesn’t matter who instigated the break up, it’s done.
But, breakups are rarely clean. They are never easy and it’s hard to let go. And if you find yourself wanting to stalk your ex .. we are here to talk you out of it.
5 good reasons NOT to stalk your ex
Stalking you ex is illegal
Let’s get this out of the way straight off the bat. True stalking is illegal and if you are here for justification for sending your ex 100 texts a day, hiring a private investigator and tailing him in your car, we can’t say we approve.
On the flip side, you wouldn’t want someone doing this to you. Don’t think that cyberstalking is exempt from the law. It can also be considered illegal. If you feel yourself crossing the line between looking at their profile and posting abuse on their page, you may have to consider getting some help.
Are you ready to change direction and be the very best single mum you can be?
It’s not good for your mental health
For the rest of this article I’m going to refer to virtual stalking in the way of so called “innocent” browsing. This means spying on your ex via Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat… whatever your virtual poison happens to be. This behaviour can quickly reach an unhealthy level.
One minute you are on your ex’s page and the next .. you are 20 pages deep in his new girlfriend’s, sister’s, husband’s page.
When you stalk your ex online it can lead to feelings of resentment or insecurity. Why is he at your favourite spot? Who is that girl with him? Is that random comment on his page directed at you? This behaviour can quickly lead you down an obsessive rabbit hole. This is the time to boost your self-esteem and when you stalk your ex you will only feel worse. Instead, join a gym class or dye your hair, something which makes you feel good.
You have to let it go
You have kids, you’ve seen Frozen. Let it go. You can’t hold onto the past if you want to move into the future.
Holding on too tight may begin to affect your friendships, as if all you ever talk about is your ex it can become emotionally draining. Think about your future and give yourself a clean slate so you can move on. Allowing yourself that time to heal without the constant reminder will help you get your groove back. This process will give you a chance to find someone new .. when you are ready.
Blocking to be blocked
You know the saying, out of sight out of mind? You may share your kids but that doesn’t mean you have to share what you had for dinner.
If you can’t resist the temptation to stalk your ex, block them! This will make it harder to see what they are doing. Block their social media pages and their phone number if you have to. The best thing about blocking someone is, they can’t see you either!
Then there is the case of the mutual friend. You may have to trim your social media friends list a little but people will understand. You see what they see and you don’t need any extra windows to see your ex’s face on your screen. Your sanity comes first.
Worst case scenario, delete your account!
Time is too precious to waste
Your time is precious, do you really want to waste it stalking your ex? If you find yourself feeling lonely after a break up, use the extra time to start something new. Find new friendship groups or rekindle old ones. Join the Single Mum Vine Facebook group. Try a hobby you have always wanted to do.
There are so many better ways to spend your time than worrying about your ex’s life. If your life is full, you will stop caring about his.
It can be tempting to stalk your ex. But, it isn’t good for you. Take back control and focus on the relationships right in front of you.